My Blood Burns for You
by greybleu
Summary: Bella is an ordinary girl. Or so she thinks. But she's special. Special enough to catch the attentions of the mysterious and beautiful family in town. But she's more special than any of them could have imagined... AU Twilight.
1. Prologue - Unspoken Agreements

Notes: This is a story I started a long time ago but only now decided to let out into the world. I hadn't even decided on a title until recently.

Since this is my take on the original story, there will be a lot of similarities, especially towards the beginning and especially concerning events. But if you bear with it, the story will veer into its own.

I tried to incorporate a song into a lot of the chapters so I'll try to list those.

Thank you and enjoy.

Featured Music: Explosions in the Sky - So Long, Lonesome

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. Songs and lyrics belong to their respective artists. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man – Friedrich Nietzsche

* * *

**Prologue**

Hope is a dangerous thing. Worse than failure. Worse than quitting. Worse than heartbreak.

Because any of these things alone is bad enough, but with hope, they can devastate you and crush your spirit.

I never had much hope in life. I relinquished myself to my fate. After all, how many of us are really special? I thought I would lead an ordinary life with ordinary experiences. I never thought I could feel such love and adoration for anyone, let alone for such dangerous beings. They came into my life and left soon after. But I guess I fell prey to my predator in the end.

Then that damned hope finished me off.

For how could I hope that someone like _him_ could love me?

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**Unspoken Agreements**

* * *

Yet another new school. I was used to it by now, all this moving and transferring. But soon I would be able to do what I wanted. Soon I would turn 18 and graduate high school. I never really discussed my future plans with Phil, but it was an unspoken agreement that we would stick with each other till then. He was, after all, my father.

I never really discussed anything with Phil much. It was all unspoken agreements. It was an unspoken agreement that we don't bother each other with details of our unassuming lives. It was an unspoken agreement that I not harp on him about his drinking and he let me come and go as I pleased. Not that I had places to go. Usually it was to the local library, bookstore, cafe of wherever we were stationed at the time.

I never partied or got into trouble. I was responsible. I never caused trouble for Phil and he gave me a meager allowance, when he could spare the money from rent and drink. And now that I was old enough, I tried getting jobs. Usually it was menial work, but that was fine as I usually didn't stay in whatever town long enough to tire of it. The extra money I used mainly for food and music. Sometimes I indulged in clothes and books, though I didn't like to keep too many possessions. I've found over the years that these things just mean more baggage to lug around for the next move. That's one of the reasons music became so important to me. Since it was digital and convenient, it was the one constant in my life.

The reason we moved so much was that Phil was always searching and finding new jobs. Mainly he did construction work, manual labor, though he was willing to do almost anything. He wasn't stupid, just unreliable. But I mainly attributed that to his drinking. He was a functioning alcoholic and I gave up trying to do anything about it years ago. He was like this for as long as I could remember. And as a young girl, when I found out what alcoholism was, I tried getting him to stop but to no avail. He never got out of control or hurt anyone or drove drunk so I just let him be. I guess the only one he really hurt was himself – and I think that was the point.

This latest construction job brought us to the small town of Forks, Washington, a quaint but drab-weathered little town. But for all the gray weather, Forks managed to stay awfully green. It was actually nice, though, all that nature. Most of the cities we stayed in were big and loud. Rarely we got to stay in little towns because much work wasn't to be found there. Phil managed to get a big project a couple towns away and there was a cheap apartment for rent here. It was a one bedroom so I let him have the bed while I took the couch. He needed to keep his back in shape if he wanted to continue to work and support us.

Phil and I had taken care of my enrollment in my new high school and we used the weekend to unload and unpack our few belongings to our new home. One of my big must-haves was my bicycle. I bought it secondhand a few years back and I used it to travel back and forth from schools, work, and local areas. We had one car, and though I acquired my license in the last city we lived in, Phil drove the car to work so I was left to my bike. I didn't mind, though. I loved riding my bike on open roads – that sense of freedom and almost flying. And from what I saw on the car ride to and from school with Phil, it was a long, scenic route I looked forward to.

So when Monday rolled around, I got to test out my bike on the forest flanked road to my new high school. I left extra early in the morning, making sure Phil was stirring for work before I left. I wore my blue jeans, sneakers, a white t-shirt, my warm zip-up hoodie, and my jacket. Very plain and inconspicuous, indeed. First days were not a time to stand out. I turned on my iPod to play _Explosions in the Sky_, put it in my pocket and put in my ear-buds. I grabbed my book bag filled with some notebooks, pencils, and other school supplies, my keys and my wallet and headed out the door.

It was still dark out when I ran down the stairs of the apartment to the front door where I unlocked my bike on a post. Who was I kidding? It had been nonstop dark here since we arrived. Did the sun ever come out on this town? Not that I enjoy blistering sunlight, but still. How did people here not get depressed?

I pedaled onto the long road that led to school and glided down the road. It was such a refreshing feeling – the wind in my face. And the chilly air woke me up and made me smile. Just then, my iPod started playing the song _"So Long, Lonesome."_ Perfect. The road was empty – that was the good thing about small, quiet towns – and I let go one hand off the handlebar and leaned up. Then I let go of the other. The road dipped slightly so I didn't have to pedal for a little bit. Then the road dipped back up and I grabbed the handlebars once more and pedaled my feet. I loved looking at the trees and all the green fly past me.

I finally reached the school and I rode my bike to the side where the parking lot led. I rode up the sidewalk to the entrance where a bike rack was under the roof overlay cover and locked my bicycle. I turned my head where I was kneeling by the bike lock to face the parking lot. There were cars still entering, filling up the spaces. There were groups of students milling around the cars, some walking towards where I was to the entrance. Some noticed the stranger amongst them and stared and whispered to their friends. A small town negative. My small towns pros and cons list was growing. At least none of them were pointing and laughing. A good start, I joked to myself. Bigger schools usually helped my anonymity.

I quickly found my way through the hallways to the main office where I came to enroll a few days earlier. The same secretary greeted me and asked me to wait while she retrieved my new schedule. She offered to have a student show me around but I politely declined. I assured her I would be fine and that I'd like to find my way around.

I would rather ask someone for directions than have one student feel responsible for me for who knows how long. I thanked her and left the office to make my way to my first class.

After a trip to my new locker, I was almost to the classroom after a couple wrong turns when I heard, "Hey, new girl!"

Damn. I almost made it. I turned around to face a smiling boy a few inches taller than me with dark hair. I raised my eyebrows to signify he had my attention.

"Hey. You need help getting to class?" he asked.

"I think I'm almost there," I told him, pointing behind me.

He peered down at the schedule I was holding in my hand to take a look. I lifted the paper so he could have a better view. I was used to people wanting to look at my schedule to see what classes I had.

He gave a slight frown and said, "Doesn't seem like we have any classes together. But we do have lunch period together. You can sit at my table. I know lunch is supposed to be like some hierarchical class thing. Who sits where thing. But my table's cool. It's not too bad here. Small town and all. Everyone knows everyone and all that." He extended his hand. "I'm Eric, by the way."

I accepted his handshake and said, "I'm Bella." I gave a polite smile. I always liked the friendly kids at schools. I didn't like to make much effort into getting to know new people and the outgoing ones always made it easier. And having somewhere to sit at lunch did make things bearable, even if it was a cliché. I didn't mind sitting alone so much, but people tended to stare more and I knew they were looks of pity or scoffing. The best way to be invisible was to blend in.

"Nice to meet you, Bella. I'll walk you to your class just in case you get lost," he smiled. "If you have any questions, you can always ask me. Lived here my whole life. I know everyone."

The classroom was not so far ahead so we reached the door quickly.

"Thanks, Eric," I told him. "I'll see you at lunch then?"

My dismissal seemed to make him happy and he left after lingering a few seconds. Small towns probably didn't get too many new students. Although I wouldn't count myself as something to write home about. I sighed and stepped into the class.

The thing about transferring to different schools is, you're either behind or ahead of everyone else. Being behind was not something I liked. I managed to always catch up, though. That's the perk of having no friends and hanging out in libraries. I could tell after a couple classes that I would not have to worry about that. It didn't seem like any material I couldn't handle.

In honors English class, I seemed to make another perky friend, Jessica. I sat next to her and she immediately made conversation asking to check out my schedule. Seemed we had lunch together next as well. When the bell rang at the end of class, I headed to my locker to stuff my new heavy textbooks and found the lunchroom. I joined the queue and bought a sandwich and juice and scanned the noisy yet fairly small cafeteria.

There were some round tables by the walls and a few long rectangular tables in the center of the room. That's where I noticed Eric standing and waving his hand, and I was actually glad to see his enthusiasm. I made my way over and sat next to him. Jessica was coincidentally sitting on the other side of me and she greeted me happily. Eric then introduced me to the rest of the people sitting at the table. A shy girl named Angela, a pretty blonde named Lauren and her boyfriend Tyler, and a good-looking boy named Mike. I waved and smiled politely to them trying to remember their names and faces. They started passing around my schedule and I discovered I had the next class with Mike, the one after that with Angela, and my last class gym with Mike again.

They asked me a few questions about where I moved from and what it was like there and then they got to talking about other things and the spotlight was soon off me. That was the good thing about groups of young people – short attention spans.

Then _they_ came. They looked like they stepped out of a fashion magazine spread and into this now laughable cafeteria. Surely, they couldn't be students. The first couple to step in were both tall and gorgeous. She had long blonde hair and looked like a model. He had dark hair, in contrast to hers, and was muscular. He had his arm around her waist protectively. The couple behind them were not as tall but no less beautiful. The boy, no, man had slightly long, curly blonde hair and though he was not as tall or as big as the first man, he still had a very commanding aura about him. He was holding hands with an adorably pretty girl with short, dark hair. She had a smile and demeanor so inviting, she seemed to lightly float. I wondered if he was holding her down to the floor with his hand. Then another man walked in. This one looked the youngest of the males, yet he looked the most serious. He was also the most beautiful man I'd ever seen in my life. He was also quite tall and had deep brown hair, almost reddish. If he was not a model, everyone must be blind. This whole group actually could, should be models if they weren't already. And they were all impeccably dressed. They could literally walk onto a photo shoot right now and take the most striking photos. I kind of wished I had a camera on me at the moment, just so I'd know they were real and not some angels I was hallucinating.

As they walked across the cafeteria, Jessica noticed me staring. "Ah," she said, "meet Forks' royal family, the Cullens." As soon as she said it, the last one to enter turned his head towards Jessica and me with a dark look and I averted my eyes quickly. He was too far away and the lunchroom was way too loud for him to have heard her, but his coincidental timing was perfect.

The group reached an empty table by the windows and the two girls and the last boy, if I could call him "boy," sat down while the other two went to the lunch line.

"The two that got up – the tall one's Emmett, and the blonde's Jasper. The blonde girl sitting is Rosalie, the short one is Alice, and that's Edward," Jessica informed me. I managed to sneak a peek again and saw that none at the table were paying any attention our way so I was free to look again. And look again I did. It was not my imagination. They were impossibly beautiful.

"They're all related?" I asked, even though I could see that they all shared the same pale, flawless skin and light eyes. There was something else, too, something indescribable about them.

"Not all by blood," she said. I thought I saw a hint of a smirk on Edward. "Their parents adopted them. Their father is this really great doctor, and he and his wife are young and can't have children. Anyway, they're like super rich and charitable so they took in Edward, who I think is like Mrs. Cullen's nephew. And they adopted Alice and Emmett, and Jasper and Rosalie who are brother and sister. But Alice and Jasper are a couple and so are Rosalie and Emmett. It's all a bit gross, really."

Emmett and Jasper returned with trays of food and sat next to their respective partners. Emmett put his arm around Rosalie's shoulder and Alice kissed Jasper on the cheek.

"But they're not really brothers and sisters," added Angela.

"Yeah, but they kind of are," chimed in Lauren with a disapproving look.

"They're just jealous," smiled Mike.

"Yeah, 'cause they secretly wish they would get adopted and be paired with Edward," laughed Tyler. Mike gave Tyler a high-five and Lauren punched Tyler on the arm.

"Shut up," Lauren cried. "You know they give me the creeps."

"Yeah, the Creepy Cullens," said Tyler and wrapped an arm around Lauren. He used his free hand to wriggle his fingers in front of her face as she slapped it away.

I couldn't understand why they thought the Cullens creepy, but I smiled along. Jessica turned to me and said in a lower voice, "But seriously, they think they're too good for everyone here. They only hang out with themselves. And forget about Edward. He's like the most gorgeous one and don't think he doesn't know it. I've never seen him show the slightest interest in any of the girls here."

It didn't bother me what she was saying. It actually kind of made sense to me. They seemed like angels. It made me feel superficial – after all, I was only enamored by their looks. But there was a stillness, a coolness about them. They even seemed to glow. And I would probably agree they were too good for us mere mortals. But the way Jessica said it made me think she was possessive of them and at the same time a bit bitter. Her warning to me was unfounded. I would be satisfied admiring them from afar. How else does one worship angels?

"Maybe he's gay," Mike added.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that," I said. "Why, has he shown an interest in you?" I don't know what encouraged me to say that out loud. Usually, I save my insults for my head. I could feel everyone's eyes turn to me. I blushed with embarrassment.

"Whoa, new girl's got balls!" said Eric, laughing. Then everyone else started laughing too, even Mike, and I was glad for that.

In the midst of the fun-making, I turned to look at the angels' table again and I saw Edward's furrowed face looking straight at me. I held his glare for a second and turned away. I couldn't look at him again for the rest of the period. Had I angered the angel?

When the bell rang, everyone started to depart from the lunchroom. Mike stood up and waited for me. When the people from our table had said their goodbyes and departed, I turned to Mike and started to apologize. It was not a good idea to make enemies with a popular kid at school.

"I'm really sorry. It was a stupid joke. I don't even know you and..."

"Don't worry about it," he cut me off. "I can take a joke. When it's good. I kind of set you up for that one anyway."

I smiled, relieved. Mike was tall and muscular, obviously a jock. But he had a friendly, open face. Quite boyish-looking. He stepped aside as I led us out of the cafeteria and he walked me to our next class.

It was biology honors class and I stepped into the room. The students were just starting to take their seats at the two person lab tables. I could see all but two of the seats were taken and my eyes widened when I realized who one of the seats was next to.

"Good luck," Mike whispered in a gleeful tone to me as he walked past me to, of course, the empty seat that was not next to Edward.

Oh great, I thought. I didn't know if I should be happy or mortified. I was actually thrilled that I would be sitting next to this beautiful creature. And I couldn't believe I could feel this way about someone. Let alone for someone I didn't even know. Was I so vain as to throw all my morals about not judging people by the way they look out the window? I mean, I prided myself on not caring what other people thought of me and what I looked like, and now I had to sit next to _him_ and think about how I looked in comparison. What was happening to me? This was not good.

The teacher, Mr. Banner, handed me a heavy textbook and pointed to the seat. At least he didn't make me introduce myself to the class as some of the other teachers had. I walked slowly, but not too slowly (jeez why did I care so much?), to the table and I actually stumbled slightly trying to pull out the chair and glide in quickly.

I heard a stifled chuckle from somewhere behind me, and I could've sworn it was Mike. But I did not risk turning around and calling more attention to myself. Which was why I didn't slap my forehead onto the table like I wanted to at the moment. _Oh God, what is wrong with me? I am not a clumsy person. Why right now of all times?_

I didn't dare look to my left to see if Edward was looking my way, which I was certain he was. Instead I lowered my head so that my long, dark hair would hide my profile. And I tried not to wonder if he just saw my public display of idiocy, which I was certain he did. _Okay, get a hold of yourself, woman. You are not some giddy girl. You are a responsible young adult. Stop being so jittery. Body, I know we just had some trouble, but please don't fail me now._

And it didn't. Not entirely. I managed to pay attention to the teacher's lesson mainly. I managed to realize that I would not be behind in this class either, which was incredible news because if today was any indication of how I would be sitting next to him, then the rest of the school year was going to be a long one. I managed not to look at him during the entire class. Not even a peek, though my insides were aching to.

When the bell rang, I rushed out of the class as fast as my legs would carry me without tripping over myself. I made it to my next class, French, without incident. I found an empty seat in the back after briefly saying hello to Angela. Why had I picked French as my language? It was useless. I would never speak it well enough, and I would probably never go to France. I would probably never even go to Canada. I don't know, maybe one day I would go somewhere. Maybe. I even got a passport not too long ago in the hopes that one day I would be able to get myself far away. Yet, right now, I didn't have the same urge to run away...

French class passed by fairly uneventfully, except when the teacher made me introduce myself and my likes to everyone in French. Dreadful. Thankfully, my pronunciation wasn't too bad and that's half the battle with speaking French. I said bye to Angela when class ended but not before she pointed me to the direction of the gym.

Because it was my first day, the gym teacher let me participate in my jeans. Luckily, they were playing badminton so it wasn't too strenuous. I was pretty athletic, though I didn't really exercise on a regular basis except riding around on my bike which I did more for pleasure. Mike was in my gym class and I noticed him on the other side of the gymnasium occasionally glancing at me. When class finally ended, I was able to leave class before the others because I didn't need to change and I made my way to my locker.

It had been a long first day. I carried most of my newly acquired textbooks and made my way to the school's library. I sat at a small table and stacked the books. It was daunting playing catch-up. But still, I've had it worse in other schools where I was really behind. I took out my math notebook from my backpack and started on those problems first.

I barely started when someone came walking toward my table and sat down. I looked up to see Mike staring back at me.

"I was walking by and saw you in here," he said. "At the library on your first day. Such a nerd," Mike teased.

"Well not everyone can be a jock like you," I teased back.

"Hey, I'm in bio honors with you, if you forgot."

"Jock with a brain. Excuse me, then," I said.

"That's right," he smiled. Then his smile faded. "Speaking of bio. What was with Cullen? Did you say something to him?"

I was slightly startled to hear Mike mention him. "What do you mean?" I questioned.

"He was staring at you practically the whole class," he said a little loud for the library. No one paid mind to him though, thankfully. "He looked kinda pissed. I hope you didn't mention the gay thing. Not everyone has a sense of humor like me, especially that sullen Cullen."

I smiled at the rhyme. But I quickly got serious again and said, "I didn't even know. I guess I wasn't paying attention to him."

Mike looked at me dubiously, as right he should. What woman in her right mind would not pay attention to him? I didn't mention that I never spoke a word to him. What reason could he have to look at me, let alone be angry with me? I didn't want Mike speculating. But what reason had I given him? Was it because I stumbled around like a moron around him? Maybe just the proximity to him had given me an association with him that embarrassed him. Or maybe he didn't want a lab partner. I didn't think I had done anything else. So my mere existence was a nuisance to him. If I wasn't a stronger person, I'd probably contemplate throwing myself off a bridge for him right now. _Wait! What am I thinking? This is way too crazy. Did he make other girls feel this way? I would not be surprised if he did._

"You're shaking your head," Mike said eyeing me strangely.

I recovered from my insane reveries and gave him a confused look. "Beats me why he hates me. Maybe I smell bad," I said.

He looked at me stunned for a second and he gave a short laugh and said, "You're funny." He stood up and added, "I like that. See you tomorrow, funny girl."

I watched him leave and returned to my work. I didn't have too much trouble with my homework for the day and I even managed to backtrack and review some stuff I'd missed. It was a good distraction for my head. I ended earlier than I thought I would. I returned the heavy textbooks to my locker, thankful I wouldn't need to schlep them home which was the point of working at school and rode my bike back home with my music for company.

I was eating a TV dinner in front of the television on the couch when Phil returned home from work. He showered and changed while I put another tray in the microwave for him. When we were both settled in eating and watching TV, he asked, "How was your day?"

"Good," I replied, not thinking. "How was yours?"

"Good," he said in a low voice.

We didn't say another word to each other the rest of the night. Why couldn't high school be this easy?


	2. The Other Side

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**The Other Side**

* * *

I woke up the next morning determined not to let my crazy thoughts get the better of me. Already I was feeling more spirited, not the giddy schoolgirl from yesterday. What was that about? So I saw a good-looking boy. I see them all the time in films and in ads. Okay, so it was the first time I'd seen someone so gorgeous in person, but that was no excuse. Models and actors were probably beautiful in person, too. Although I was fairly certain the Cullens would not need any airbrushing or special lighting techniques to make them look more attractive; they were just people. Sure, they were more endowed in the looks department, but they were probably lacking in other areas of their personality. Jessica mentioned they thought themselves better than others. Although I couldn't entirely rely on her opinion, if as she said they interacted only with themselves, maybe they were somewhat conceited. Not that I cared. It didn't concern me one bit. I would mind my own business today. I had school to concentrate on. Good. Now I could go about my day normally.

And it did. I even made myself participate in class. I did slip a little when I got a slight flutter in my stomach when I realized lunch was next period. But I quickly squashed those feelings and made myself focus.

I made it to the cafeteria nonchalantly and paid for my lunch and sat down next to Angela because she was there first. She talked to me about French class a bit, making small talk. How do shy people talk to each other? Luckily the others started arriving and Mike sat next to me. The Cullens made their entrance earlier than they had yesterday. I didn't look even though my eyes begged me to. I concentrated on eating my sandwich with my head down. I did notice Mike next to me glancing once in a while over my head towards their table.

When I went to biology class, I was hoping that I would get there before Edward so I could sit and not see him walk in, as opposed to him sitting while I would have to walk towards him which was what happened. And unless I wanted to walk towards him with my eyes closed and bump into God knows what, I had to see him. And he was looking back. _Oh why? _I managed to put my head down after that though and make it safely to my seat.

Before I could stop myself, I instinctively looked up at him because I could feel his eyes on me.

Mike had been right. He did look pissed. At me. Even with his angry stare, I thought my eyes were going to melt from his sheer beauty. I gave him one of those quick insincere smiles you give to strangers you pass by on the street and turned my head away. Dear God, why was my life so comical? Here was this beautiful man giving me the evil eye and I smile at him like an idiot. Truly, he must think me stupid, bizarre at best.

Again, I managed to not look at him the rest of the period, barring that one incident. And the day ended much like yesterday. This, surely was not going to work. Time for a different plan of attack. Naturally, I thought of doing the opposite of what was not working for me. Avoiding his glare was turning into a mess. If he could shoot laser beams out of his eyes, I'd be a pile of ashes by now. Since he couldn't, I was going to be defiant. I was going to channel Robert DeNiro - You looking at me? Well, I could look back. Did his mother never teach him not to stare?

The next day at lunch, Mike sat next to me again. And again, I caught him peering at the Cullen table. Jessica noticed, too. And she looked to see what Mike was so interested in. And I guess that led her to notice _his_ glare.

"I think Edward Cullen is looking at you," she said in a low voice to me, although there was no way he could hear her from where he was sitting.

"I think he's obsessed with our new friend here," replied Mike, with a half-smile. "You should see the way he stares at her in bio." He turned to me. "He's going to bore a hole in your head with his glare if you're not careful."

Jessica frowned. I made a half-hearty attempt at a laugh and assured everyone that Mike was joking. He didn't look happy but he didn't press it further. Jessica looked back at the Cullen table and this time, I peeked with her. If Edward had till now been looking our way, he was no longer. He did not look happy. He was talking with his siblings and rolling an apple in his hands. I looked at the others' hands and they all seemed to be holding food or bottles of drinks but they weren't actually eating. Family of anorexics. Figured. Although how did the guys stay so fit? No, it must just be that cafeteria food did not meet their standards.

Jessica looked back at our table, and I looked back too. I didn't want to give more fuel for her to speculate on things that were not true. I was going to confront Edward in class, but maybe today would be the day he tired of his hatred.

When lunch ended, I walked with Mike to class and Edward was sitting at our table. _Our_ table. Ugh, get a hold of yourself.

He was looking out the window. So he did tire of me... Why did that not make me feel relieved? Would I rather he despise me than not think of me at all? I swallowed because I knew the answer instantly. He was not paying attention to me and it made me... I don't know, sad? What did I have to feel sad about? He was probably some horrible person who tortured kittens in his spare time or something. Yes, that's it. Think him bad. That should make things easier.

As I walked to my seat, Mike who was behind me put his hand lightly on my back as he passed by me and Edward's head snapped around to stare at me. I was actually startled and jumped slightly. I collected myself best I could and looked around to see if anyone had noticed my surprise. Everyone seemed to be finding their seats or conversing with those around them and I felt safe. Sort of.

I pulled my seat and sat down, my hair doing a good job of hiding my face again. I must remember to not tie my hair up anytime soon. I sensed slight movement next to me and I knew he must be looking again. My insides did a little flip at the thought. I could deny my thoughts all I want, my body did as it pleased. I smiled the smallest smile I would allow myself.

During class, I peeked ever so slightly through my hair and could see he was not looking in my direction. That's good, right? I asked myself. When class was nearing the end, I mustered up the courage to look at him. I had, after all, decided to face this problem head on. Whether he was looking at me or not, I couldn't avoid his face forever. I pulled my curtain of hair behind my ear and turned my head slightly towards him.

He was looking at me intensely. My impulse was to avoid his gaze, but I staid my course. I turned my head toward him more till I was looking back into his eyes. The first thing I noticed was his eye color. What I had thought were light brown was actually lighter than that – a yellow, no, almost golden color. I'd never seen anything like it. I unconsciously leaned my body slightly towards him to get a better view. His face was so beautiful. Looking at someone so close up would reveal flaws, but I couldn't see a single one. It was like the opposite effect of a Monet. Being closer to him revealed a picture of him I couldn't see from afar.

I thought I was going fall into him and be lost forever...

I didn't know what happened next, but I suddenly felt like the most ridiculous person in the entire world. I was staring like a child in awe into these beautiful, hateful eyes. But I could see now that they weren't hateful. Not really. The were confused. And something else. Scared? Him, scared of me? The thought made me laugh. Literally. I laughed. And I clapped my hands around my mouth to stifle it. But trying to stop yourself from laughing often does the opposite. I couldn't stop. And the change in Edward's face to something uncertain and wide-eyed made me laugh harder.

Everyone was starting to look at me. I was having little luck keeping my laughter low. Mr. Banner turned around from writing on the board to look at me. Oh, how awful – but so funny! I was making a total ass of myself and that was yet more laughable. What was happening to me?

The bell rang. Oh, how the bell rang. It saved my life. I grabbed my things and walked out, stifling out a "sorry" to Mr. Banner between laughs. By the time I reached French, I had stopped laughing but I had a wide smile on my face. I sat in my seat in the back of the class and Angela who normally sat near the front came and sat next to me.

"Hi," she said, cheerily noticing my smile.

I greeted her happily.

I was on such a high the rest of the school day. It was as if I had been set free somehow. I went to the library after school to work on some homework when Mike walked in. I had a feeling he was going to find me. Well, better now than at lunch with everyone as witness.

"Hey, funny girl. Do I need to ask?" he said, sitting down next to me.

"Honestly, I have no idea."

Mike raised his eyebrows. "Fine, don't tell me then," he said in a mock hurt voice.

"Really," I assured him. "It was like one of those moments, like in church when you know you're not supposed to laugh and then you can't stop. I don't know. I made a pretty big fool of myself, so."

"It was bordering on bizarre, but I wouldn't count your social life dead yet. I think besides being confused, most people thought it was kind of funny. Not much happens in small towns, so we savor these moments," he said, making an exaggerated dramatic pose with his arm.

"Great. I'm glad the crazy girl can provide some entertainment."

"You know the whole town's probably heard it by now."

Another plus to small towns. News travels fast.

That night as I lay on the couch, I recalled what happened trying to make some sense. One second I was falling into forever, the next I was completely there. My eyes got heavy. As I was drifting off to sleep I had a thought. Instead of being lost, I must have fallen right through.


	3. Gentleman

Note: Thanks to those who read and reviewed.

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**Gentleman**

* * *

"Now all the Cullens are looking at you." Jessica had another frown on her face. I didn't know why anyone would be jealous of people thinking you're crazy.

"Don't worry. Everyone just wants a look at the crazy girl," I told her. I was glad my group of friends still accepted me. I think they even enjoyed the attention. Even Jessica, I think, liked the extra stares my behavior yesterday caused though she didn't look happy.

"We should charge admission," said Mike.

"Ha ha," I mock laughed. "I could use a new jacket, though. It is getting cold."

"Who says you would get any of the proceeds?"

"Then I refuse to have any more outbursts," I said.

"I heard it was hilarious," chimed in Eric.

Not really. It wasn't a big deal. I just managed to get a hold of my senses while everyone thinks I lost them. I was no longer hopelessly infatuated with Edward Cullen. I could look at him without that nervous girly feeling now. Sitting next to him after laughing in his face, that's another matter. That, I was sure would not go over. Soon I would find out.

Mike and I walked to class together. We managed to get out of lunch earlier today so I thought maybe we would arrive before Edward, but there he was, sitting and looking at me. _How does he do that?_ We walked in and I made sure I was extra serious as I passed by Mr. Banner.

I sat in my seat and started pulling out my notebook and text while the students slowly started filing into class.

"Hello," came a beautiful, whispery deep voice.

My eyes widened for a second because I knew such a voice could only come from one person. I was over the schoolgirl giddiness, but he actually spoke. I'd never heard his voice before. I turned my head to meet his face.

"Hello," I gulped.

"I'm Edward Cullen. Bella, right?" he smiled. I eyed him skeptically. He was rolling out the charm, and if he had introduced himself like this to me a couple days ago, I probably would've melted into a puddle in front of him, but not now. He had been glaring at me for days and he's going play nice now? Now? After I cracked up in front of him? There was something wrong here.

"You know my name," I said more rudely than I wanted. It sounded like an accusation. Of course he would know my name. Besides the fact that everyone knew my name by now, he would need to know it for his voodoo doll of me.

"Yes. Sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier," he said, oozing sweetness.

_Sorry, buddy. You're not fooling me. Two can play at this game._

"Well, I guess I could've introduced myself to you," I smiled.

"Yes, but it wasn't very gentlemanly of me."

_Gentleman? Ha! Would a gentleman glare at a poor, defenseless woman? Okay, maybe not so defenseless, but still._

I smiled at him as sincerely as I could pretend to be. "I didn't know gentlemen still existed." _Ha! Take that! You are no gentleman, sir!_

"I'm sorry my behavior makes you think that," he said. He truly looked rueful and this disarmed me and my stern expression disappeared.

Mr. Banner called the class to attention and we had to end our conversation.

_Wait. What just happened? Why did I feel like he got the upper hand there?_ No, just because he apologized did not mean he was forgiven. I would not forgive him without an acceptable explanation.

I looked at him again, and he was watching Mr. Banner, his expression deep in thought. I took his cue and tried to listen intently.

When the bell rang, I was putting away my books when I heard, "Goodbye, Bella." I turned my head slowly to him. He was standing with his books in hand behind the chair that was pushed toward the desk.

I pulled my backpack on my shoulder as I stepped in the aisle and said, "Bye," warily. And before I could lean in to push my chair in, he did so for me. Then he extended his ivory hand, palm up to indicate I should walk first. I knew it was his way of saying, ladies first. Coy bastard. He was going to play the gentleman. I actually smirked.

When we reached outside the door, I turned right and paused to look behind. Edward was smoothly walking the other way. The man didn't walk, he glided.

Mike walked me to French class asking questions about what we just learned in biology. All the while, I was trying to figure out what Edward was up to, and how I could foil him.

* * *

Friday finally rolled around. My first week of my new high school. A pretty eventful week, I'd say.

It was finally biology class time. I was anxious for it. Not because I would sit next to Edward, but because I was insanely curious about what his next move would be. Okay, so maybe I didn't mind seeing his face so much. I can admire beauty without falling head over heels over it.

"Hello, Edward," I said preemptively before I even sat in my chair. I couldn't risk him going silent again. I couldn't predict his moods and I preferred his charming self, even with a secret motive behind it, to his obvious, seething frustration.

Frustration. Why didn't I see it before? That was what I had seen in him. I think I could call upon his face more objectively now that I wasn't overpowered by his enchanting looks. Yes, he was... frustrated with me. Frustrated and suspicious. But why? What had I done to cause these feelings? I don't know him. Perhaps he was suspicious of new people. Severe xenophobia? But why would he be frustrated with me? Because I wouldn't go away? That didn't make much sense. I would have to think this through later.

"Hello, Bella," he cooed. He pulled out my chair for me. Must not fall into trap.

"Are you trying to prove gentlemen exist, Edward?" I said slyly. I sat down.

"You caught me, Bella," he smiled. Why did I like when he said my name so much? "I was disheartened to hear a lady not believe a man to be chivalrous." Lady, my ass.

"I think a man may act like a gentleman sometimes. But true gentlemen, they're a species that became extinct long ago."

He smiled at this. "Do you really believe that?" he looked intensely into my eyes.

"You mean, am I being real or am I playing?" I asked. He nodded not looking away. He eyes looked quizzical trying to figure me out. My lip went up in a crooked smile. I liked this playful banter. My eyes averted from his stare in thought. "I guess I will until shown otherwise. You might have more luck asking someone older, with more life experience." He seemed to think over my answer. He even looked a little sad.

We didn't talk again till class ended. We said our goodbyes. I was quick to push my chair back in so he didn't get a chance to do that for me. He did wait for me to leave first, though.

I didn't see him again the rest of that week. The weekend passed by in a blur. I took the time to catch up on schoolwork and ride my bike to town and check out the stores. I went into a couple of them and window shopped the rest but didn't buy anything except a couple slices of pizza and a few groceries.


	4. Test

Featured Music: The Morning Benders - Excuses; Sondre Lerche - I Guess It's Gonna Rain Today

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. Songs and lyrics belong to their respective artists. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Test**

* * *

The time away from him helped me feel less anxious to see him. I was not as curious as to what he would say to me next. I was over him. Not that I was ever under him... My mind started drifting elsewhere. I pulled myself back.

Monday arrived and it was a rare sunny day in Forks, especially for winter. I especially enjoyed my bike ride to school that morning listening to the Morning Benders' song "Excuses."

When I got to lunch, the Cullen table remained conspicuously empty.

"They're never here when the weather's nice," Angela said to me. I guess I was less discreet with my glances than I'd wanted.

"They go on family trips and stuff, apparently," added Jessica.

"Yeah, they've bought a ton of stuff from my parents' camping store," Mike said. "I guess they go hiking a lot. There's a lot of great trails around here. You should go, too when the weather gets warmer."

"That sounds cool," I told him. I thought hiking would be nice around here, indeed when the weather was not so cold. I would have to remind myself to save up for some hiking gear.

I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed during bio class, sitting alone at the table. I glanced out the window often. Must be nice to take trips with your beautiful family whenever the sun was out. I imagined a picnic scene in the woods with the designer clad Cullens spread about in model poses like a fashion layout.

I wondered what Edward was doing right now...

Okay, so I was _mainly_ over him.

* * *

The sunny day had been an anomaly. It was back to the gloom after that. But I was getting used to the dark weather. I adjusted my playlist to accommodate my more pensive mood. I tuned it to play "I Guess It's Gonna Rain Today" by Sondre Lerche.

I was also getting into the routine of my new school. The next few days passed by uneventfully. Even biology class with Edward held no surprises. He would always greet me and say goodbye, but little else.

One day at lunch, we were eating and engrossed in our little conversations when the Cullens made their usual grand entrance. I gave them a quick glance. Everyone gave them at least a quick glance.

I had noticed that some gave them longer, lingering looks. The table of jocks checked out Rosalie, naturally as she was the most beautiful girl in school. I think they must have noticed the man who was always tied to her as well. After all, Emmett was probably more fit than any of them, though he oddly did not play any school sports.

A small group of pretty girls usually studied them the longest, I suspected for the Cullens' clothing and hairstyles. I noticed once or twice the girls would wear something conspicuously similar to something Alice or Rosalie had worn a day or two before. I had no sense of style as anyone who saw me could tell, but even I knew the Cullens were very fashionable. I have no idea about what the latest trends are, but I'm sure they knew. Not that they would need to; the Cullen siblings would probably look just as good in burlap sacks.

"How's sitting next to the prince?" Jessica said to me.

I looked at her blankly for a second. I then realized she was referring to Edward Cullen. The prince of darkness maybe, I thought. I smiled. I decided to play along.

"His highness is," I started, not knowing how much to divulge. I suddenly felt possessive of my time with Edward. I was always in a room full of people with him, but the way he looked at me made me feel like I was the only one he saw. It was strange how he did it. I didn't even think of it in a romantic sort of way. It was something else. And I certainly wasn't going to discuss any of this with all these people sitting here munching away on their lunches. So, I finished saying, "quite the gentleman."

I don't know if I completely believed that, but it seemed an innocent enough observation that would surely satisfy the romantic Jessica. And it was a little inside joke between Edward and me that the others would not know the full meaning to.

That's when I saw Edward looking at me. And he didn't look annoyed. Or sad, for that matter. Those were the two emotions I've come to associate with him.

"Really?" Jessica asked with more than a hint of disbelief in her voice. Except, it wasn't Jessica who spoke. It was Lauren. She hardly spoke to me so I mistook her for Jessica. Jessica, I noticed, was looking towards Edward. But he didn't look away. I knew Jessica would look back at me and see that I was staring back at Edward.

I turned to look at Lauren before Jessica could turn to me. Lauren looked at me with contempt. I was taken aback for a second. I think I understood why. And I think I would have been able to handle it better had I not been caught off guard by Edward.

Moving around so much and having come across many new people, I've had my share of disdainful looks. I was always good at not taking it personally. So, I think normally I wouldn't have responded the way I did, but rather innocently retracted my statement and let her think what she wanted. But today, I looked at her and gave her a defiant, "Yes."

I smiled. Oh, if only Edward could hear me admit this. Thank goodness he couldn't. I would not like to give him the satisfaction. I made myself stop smiling and looked in Edward's direction. I didn't think he would still be looking our way, but not only was he still looking, he was smiling now. I involuntarily made a puzzled face. He looked... satisfied.

Was it possible that he could hear us? But he was so far, and it was so loud in here. Unless he had some sort of supersonic hearing, how could he? Could he? It seemed more than a coincidence. He looked so knowingly. I mean, he couldn't have read our minds... That was ridiculous. Well, so was super-hearing. Which was more plausible – that he had the most amazing hearing or that he could read minds? What was I thinking? They're both unrealistic. I didn't live in a comic book.

There was another option, a more reasonable option. He could read lips. That had to be it. He was apparently an incredible lip-reader, who can see lips through obstructions, because I'm sure he didn't have a clear view of us the whole time, but maybe he inferred the missing parts. I was going to have to investigate.

But how does one test a lip-reading, mind-reading, sonic ear? I was going to have to work with process of elimination. Testing one theory after another. But how? I mulled over this a lot. It was actually kind of fun, if completely silly. My fantasies were getting the better of me, and I actually wanted him to be one of these things. The more outrageous, the better. I knew it couldn't be true, but the most implausible one, that he could hear thoughts, would be the most exciting, so I let myself secretly wonder at the possibilities.

To test my theories, I had to assume all 3 were true. This was going to be difficult. The most exciting theory was also the most troublesome. If he could read minds, I couldn't test the other two without eliminating that as a possibility. So I was going to have to test that one first.

I blushed to think that he had been reading _my_ mind this whole time. I practically worshiped him in my mind. I thought his family angels. That could explain his hostility toward me. And his attitude did change after I calmed myself.

I set about thinking all sorts of things around him. Screaming his name, yelling for help, hurling insults, all just in my head, of course. I even went back to my previous adoring thoughts, and dared to venture to the mildly lustful – though I was careful not to go overboard in case he could hear me. I have to admit, those last thoughts I tested a bit longer than the others.

As far as I could tell, Edward was not reading my mind. Or he was exceptionally good at ignoring the screams in my head. I thought of the possibility that perhaps he could only hear certain people's thoughts. I tried to think of how to test this and involve others as minimally as possible. I wouldn't dare share my theories with others. I would firmly establish my reputation as the crazy girl, plus it wasn't really my secret to tell. It wasn't my secret at all, but I couldn't not find out. My curiosity was stronger than me.

I had hit a wall as to how to proceed. And I didn't have much time with him that I could just use him as a guinea pig. Scientists had it so much easier. I didn't have a controlled environment. I knew it had to be during lunch because we weren't allowed to talk during bio class and I was physically too close to him, but there were always too many variables in the cafeteria.

Then an opportunity presented itself.

We were sitting at our lunch table and Jessica was sitting next to me. The others at the table were engrossed in conversations with each other so they weren't paying attention to us.

Jessica turned to me and said, "So, are you friends with Edward now?" She looked at me expectantly.

"Is anyone friends with Edward?" I non-answered. I peeked past Jessica's head towards his table. He was sitting to the side so I could make out his profile. He seemed to be paying attention to his siblings.

"But you've talked to him" she continued.

"If you could call it that," I mumbled.

"He's so mysterious. What's he like?" Jessica asked conspiratorially, lowering her voice. Yeah, whispering works great for bat-ears slash psychics. But the back of her head was turned toward Edward, so I was sure he wouldn't be able to read her lips, if that was his parlor trick. I noticed the slightest of movements from Edward. He tilted his head almost imperceptibly toward us. His face was still in profile, but it was a gesture one might make to hear better. _Interesting._

I had to think about how I would answer her question, how to best garner a reaction. I couldn't waste this chance. I decided I couldn't go with the truth. He was mysterious as hell. He was beginning to frustrate me because I couldn't figure him out. That wouldn't do, so I went with the non-truth.

"He's quite," I paused to make sure I had Jessica's attention, "boring, actually. You're not missing much there." I saw Jessica's face deflate. I looked over to Edward. I saw the tiniest of smiles and he lifted his eyes to look at his brother, Emmett. Did he hear me?

I realized then that the others around us had gotten quieter and heard what I said. I noticed a couple of disappointed looks. It was mainly the girls at our tables that looked so. The boys seemed perfectly content.

I pretended to look for something in my notebook so that the attention would be off me. Then I got an idea and ripped a small piece of paper from my notebook and took out a pen. I scribbled some words quickly and folded it into my hand. I would have to time this perfectly. I watched the clock carefully. I waited till lunchtime was nearly over but before Edward could slip out the cafeteria. I told Mike to go ahead to class without me. I made sure Edward was not looking in our direction when I handed Jessica the piece of paper.

I kept my eyes on Edward but I could see out of my periphery that Jessica unfolded the piece of paper and was reading it.

Instantly Edward snapped his head around to look at me with questioning eyes.

Gotcha!

I think Edward realized his mistake because just as quickly he turned back around.

Jessica had looked up at me and followed my gaze up to the Cullen table. By the time she swung her head around, Edward was exiting through the side door of the cafeteria in a hurry. She turned back to me and asked, "What did he say? Tell me exactly, word for word."

I felt pretty bad. I mean, I had essentially used Jessica for my own gain. I lied to her and gave her false expectations. I thought it was innocent enough, but I didn't really have time to think it through. The thought popped into my head and in my selfishness to know, I wrote, _He mentioned you_ on the scrap of paper I handed her.

I figured she wouldn't read it out loud, and if she was _thinking_ the words, he would hear them if he could. It was a lie because Edward had never uttered her name to me, and he would surely disagree, which he did when he reacted. But I thought it was a little lie, a white lie, and it would be insignificant. I never even wrote his name down trying to be as vague as possible, in case it would fall into the wrong hands later. I could even deny that the "he" was Edward if hard-pressed.

But I realized my mistake. It wasn't really a mistake though, because I had meant to write it down. I had to make sure Edward really wasn't reading lips or possibly hearing us. And I had received my proof. It would by no means hold up in a court of law, or even a reality-based argument, but it made me a believer. But now I had to deal with the consequences. If I had simply _told_ Jessica that Edward talked about her, she might have accepted it as a passing statement like I had intended, but I realized passing a note to her made it seem scandalous and conspiratorial. It put more meaning behind those three words.

"He just said, 'You sit next to Jessica during lunch, right?'" I tried to think of the most inane lie. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make it seem like a secret with the note. I just didn't want the others to make a big deal about it," I said sincerely apologetically. More lies. That's the thing about lies – you need more to cover them up. I doubted Jessica would've truly minded if the others thought Edward talked about her.

"Oh. Well, you can tell me if he mentions me again," she said. She didn't look too broken up about it, thankfully. "I didn't even know he knew anyone else existed," she smiled. She was trying to imply Edward was smug again but I think she was elevating herself. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

I don't think I caused too much damage with Jessica. It didn't relieve my guilt completely though. I must think of a way to make it up to her in the future. Perhaps, mention her to him. If I could get him to say her name maybe it would cancel out the lie retroactively. I was beginning to think I was a horrible person.

There was another problem. I hadn't really thought of the consequences with Edward, the least of which was letting Jessica think he liked her. He knows I know. And he knows I'm a liar. These two things carried many implications. Would he trust me not to tell anyone? Why should he if he knows I would lie? Would he confront me about it? He could certainly be intimidating. Surely, he wouldn't threaten me... My imagination was getting the better of me. What would I do in his position? I hadn't really thought this through. If I wasn't so impatient and hasty, maybe I could've figured out a way to get proof without lying and without him finding out.

I walked to the classroom slowly, filled with dread. If he wasn't angry with me before, he definitely had a right to be now. What would Edward do? Would he even be here?

He was. He was sitting at the table, though he wasn't looking up when I walked in. I made my way and sat down, desperately willing myself to be invisible.

"Hello, Bella," he said, perfectly amiable.

I looked at him. He should be an actor. If I didn't know better, I'd say last period never happened.

"Hi," I said, trying to return his demeanor. I was not as successful.

He didn't say anything else to me till the end of class when he said his usual goodbye.

I tried to think of all the reasons he would act as nothing happened.

One, nothing had happened. I imagined the whole thing and I was basically delusional. Definite possibility.

Two, he was trying to make me believe I imagined the whole thing. Wouldn't be difficult. Another possibility.

Three, he doesn't know I know he can read minds. I couldn't rule this out completely, but I was fairly certain this was not the case.

Four, he knows I know but doesn't want me to acknowledge it. This I could do, but I would never know if that was the case.

Five, he knows I know but is trying to lull me into a false sense of security while he devises a way to make me disappear. Not a pleasant thought, but somehow it didn't seem completely farfetched.


	5. Touched

Note: Thanks to those who reviewed.

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**Touched**

* * *

Luckily, we were nearing winter break and we would not need to deal with each other for a couple weeks. I looked forward to giving my emotions and thoughts a rest from the roller coaster ride that was Edward Cullen. Just a few more days of school and then blissful rest.

We were in biology class working on a lab where we had to look at slides through microscopes and then draw diagrams. Each table had a microscope and we were supposed to share with our lab partners. We were all standing so we could lean in to look through the microscopes. Most of the students were talking with their lab partners about the slides. Edward and I were working fairly quietly. He would let me look first, then he looked, while I was making changes to my lab notes. It wasn't a difficult assignment, but he was definitely working faster than I was.

I was writing some notes down and I reached my left arm out for the microscope without looking thinking Edward had finished when I touched something smooth and cold. It instantly recoiled from my hand, knocking the microscope over with a loud clang.

Everyone looked at where the sound came from. There was Edward, standing slightly hunched, arms out at his sides. I could see he was breathing steadily, but heavily, his eyes dark with intensity. His mouth was almost in a snarl and he was looking at me like he wanted to attack me.

He moved toward me and I instinctively flinched. But he walked, no, ran past me out of the classroom. I knew everyone's eyes were back on me when he was gone from view.

I looked at Mr. Banner and said, "I think he was going to be sick. He said he wasn't feeling well."

The lies kept pouring out of me. Though I didn't think this lie would hurt anyone. I just hoped no one was paying attention to us to know he never said such things.

Mr. Banner came over to look at the microscope that was turned over. He didn't look happy, but it didn't seem to have broken so I was able to finish the rest of my work alone. When class was over, I hesitated and grabbed Edward's unclaimed notebook.

Mike came up to me and asked, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," I said, acting casual. "I'm not the one you should worry about."

"I know," Mike said, not so happily. He walked me to my next class but he didn't ask any questions about what happened, and I was thankful.

I realized I was shaken up. He had genuinely startled me. His eyes, usually so light were dark with venom. I had never seen such seething hate directed towards me. It made me shiver. I didn't understand what had happened. I think I touched his hand accidentally and that caused this reaction from him. My hands were usually cold, but his were colder, and firm. Had my touch repulsed him that much? I know I didn't go around touching people a lot, but I was sure I've touched people before without a violent reaction from them. Did he not like being touched at all, or was it me specifically? I couldn't recall having seen him touch anyone but I saw him so briefly during the days.

All I had were questions for him. Questions I didn't dare ask. And I wouldn't get a chance to, for a while at least. Edward didn't return to school the next day. He was the only one missing at the Cullen lunch table. I could tell the siblings were looking towards me often, though I don't think it was too obvious. I was just paying extra attention. He must have told his brothers and sisters what a disgusting freak I was.

During biology class, I noticed a new microscope on Mr. Banner's desk. I wondered if that was from Edward for yesterday.

He was absent the next day. And then the next day. It was a half day before the extended break. Maybe he _was_ sick – sick of me. I went home thoroughly glad I wouldn't have to be in school for a while.

My thoughts wandered to his notebook inside my backpack. I guess I could've given it to one of his siblings, but I didn't really think about it and now it was too late. I took it out of my bag and held it debating whether I should open it. Again, curiosity got the better of me and I flipped through the pages. His handwriting was impeccably neat. Surely, people didn't write like this anymore, certainly not men. Other than that, there was nothing outstanding about the notebook. There were no doodles, no scratch marks, just science notes. How very straight-laced.

I flipped to the last page of his written notes. Then I took out my notebook and started copying the notes he had missed into his pages. I was very conscious of my handwriting not being up to par with his. It felt a little embarrassing actually. My writing was by no means illegible, but that a guy should upstage me. At least it was him – he was probably better than me at a lot of things.

When I finished copying the notes, I flipped to the last page of his notebook. Then on the bottom of the sheet, I wrote, _Sorry_.


	6. Hurt

Note: Thank you for the lovely reviews.

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Hurt**

* * *

The vacation time passed by quickly and quietly. Phil and I weren't big celebrators of holidays so we didn't bother with decorations and festivities. I did, however, get him a pair of gloves for Christmas, and he gave me a card with some cash.

When New Year's came around, we did our own things. Phil went out with his work buddies and Angela called my home number I gave her, because I don't have a cell phone, to invite me to a New Year's Eve party at a local restaurant with the other kids.

She even offered to pick me up and drive us to town. When we reached the restaurant that night, there were quite a lot of people there – everyone from our lunch table, plus I was introduced to some others I have class with and seen around school. I guess everyone does know each other here.

It was almost midnight and most people were standing to fit more people in. We got all sorts of party favors handed out and plastic flutes of sparkling cider.

The town's police Chief Charles Avery was on hand to keep an eye on the underage kids. But overall, it was a fun party.

We counted down to the new year and there was a lot of hugging and cheering. I had to admit, it was definitely more fun celebrating with friends. I had to give a point to my small town pro list.

* * *

I was going to have to return to school again soon. Break was almost over and I didn't know if Edward would be returning. Did I want to see him again or not? I was sick of thinking about him again. I liked not having to worry about this. _If_ he was in school, I was going to give him back his stupid notebook, without touching him (maybe I would throw it at him), and refuse to give him any more of my precious time.

It had snowed lightly at night and the morning was very chilly. I rode to school bundled up in layers and parked on the bike rack. I saw at the other side of the parking lot by the trees the Cullens standing together by their cars.

I had noticed the five of them came to school usually in two cars or one, depending on which size cars they decided that day. I wasn't sure which one belonged to whom but I had seen at least 4 different cars on rotation. Today seemed to be the dark gray Volvo and black Jaguar day.

There were definitely five of them today. Edward was here. Good, I could return the stupid notebook that was weighing down my book bag in more ways than one back to him now.

I walked by the edge of the parking lot to avoid moving cars and made my way to the far corner by the forest line. I pulled one strap of my bag off my shoulder and twisted the bag around to open it. I pulled my hand out of my pocket and something dropped from it and rolled down the parking lot toward a big tree.

I managed to drop my lip balm and now I had to chase after it. The Cullen group was still a good distance away from me, but not far enough that they couldn't get a good view of the goofball. Why did I have to be so awkward around him?

I walked calmly and casually to where my lip balm lay. There was a small patch of ice there so I had to be extra careful. If the pattern held, fate would try to humiliate me again. I could tell the Cullens were looking my way so I walked ever so carefully over and bent down and picked up my balm. Yes, triumphant.

That's when I heard the tires screeching. I saw a truck skid and plow sideways towards me. I tried running to the side but my foot slipped on the ice. I fell backwards onto the ground and my left hand reached first to break the fall. A shock ran up my left arm from my wrist and I saw the car careening towards me.

It seemed to happen in slow motion. I curled up into a sitting ball and wrapped my arms around my head protectively. Then I heard the loud crunching of metal.


	7. Crush

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters__ f__or entertainment. __No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 7**

**Crush**

* * *

I looked up from my curled up position and saw Edward surrounded by dark blue. It took an instant for me to see that he was in a crouched position and that he was shielding me from the truck – the truck that was bent around him.

He scooped me up and in a flash I was sitting behind the tree I was just in front of. Then I saw him pull the mangled car toward the front of the tree. I could see what he was doing – the huge dent on the side of the truck he made with his body now looked as if it was caused by crashing into the tree.

I heard distant female screams and male shouts and all sorts of commotion. I looked up at Edward who was kneeling above me and I reached my uninjured arm toward him. My hand moved in his direction but he did not move. Instead I moved past his face and touched the rear side of the truck. I gave a firm push.

It was definitely hard like a car should be. I looked at him, my eyes huge and my mouth gaping. He stood up and stepped away from me as people came running around surrounding us. He disappeared behind the crowd and suddenly there were faces all around me talking at once.

All I could manage was to say that I was okay and cross my left arm over my chest. An ambulance and police cars arrived and I was reluctantly carted off to the hospital in the ambulance along with the poor truck driver. He was the one who was injured, not me. I saw Edward talking with a paramedic looking quite dandy for having a car just rammed into him. He did not come on the ambulance with us. Somehow I was not worried for his health.

I wasn't waiting on my gurney long when a beautiful, kind-looking man in a lab coat introduced himself as Dr. Cullen. Of course he was. I had forgotten that Edward's father was a doctor but seeing him now, there was no denying it. He had the same flawless complexion and golden eyes, not to mention he was handsome. I wondered what his wife looked like.

"Let's take a look at that arm, shall we?" He had such a soothing voice.

I extended my left arm and I felt his cold hands gently hold it.

I felt a gentle, cool breeze on my arm and it took me a second to realize it was a small exhale of breath from him.

He pressed lightly up and down my arm, examining it. His hands were cold, just like Edward's, but he didn't go berserk from my touch. When he touched my wrist, I flinched in pain.

"Doesn't look too bad. It's not broken. You just sprained it. It'll feel better in a few days. Put ice on it and take aspirin for the pain and you'll be good as new." He smiled.

I asked about the driver and Dr. Cullen told me not to worry, that it wasn't as bad as it looked and he would make a full recovery.

I was relieved no one was seriously hurt. I thanked Dr. Cullen when Chief Charlie Avery came and introduced himself to me. I recognized him from New Year's Eve.

He brought my book bag with him and put it next to me. I thanked him too and he said he had a few questions for me. Dr. Cullen stood by, looking at a medical chart.

"So can you tell me what happened?" the chief asked.

I should've been thinking about what I was going to tell people. Obviously, I couldn't say the truth. Why do things keep happening to me that make me seem crazier?

"I was at the back of the parking lot," I began, "and the car, I guess lost control and it was coming towards me." I had to pick safe words and give as little detail as possible. "I fell on some ice and," I hesitated here because I didn't know if I should mention Edward. I thought for a second and I realized all the other kids must've seen him there with me when they came after the crash, so I finished, "and I guess Edward pulled me out of the way. It all happened really fast." Best to play dumb.

I looked to see if he was buying it. He was making notes into a small notepad. I looked over to Dr. Cullen and saw that he was listening. Of course he would be. I had mentioned his son.

I wondered if he knew his son was some sort of mind-reading super man.

The chief looked up and asked, "So you were talking with Edward Cullen when the truck skid towards you?"

Crap. Should I lie? To a police officer? It was one thing to lie to Jessica and Mr. Banner, but this man's job was to make sure people weren't lying. Did he already talk to Edward? What had he said? What if my answer didn't match his? Surely, this wasn't an important detail. I wished I could read Edward's mind right now.

"Talking?" I stalled. I decided to stick with the truth. Lying, surely would get me into bigger trouble. "Not really." I thought this could be interpreted either way, in case I needed to backtrack. I looked down at my backpack, and I remembered. Yes, the truth. Thank the heavens for truth! "I was just trying to give Edward his notebook back."

I reached down and tried to unzip my bag with one hand. The chief saw my struggle and helped me. I pulled his glorious notebook out and held it up. "He was absent a few days and I took notes for him. And I wanted to return it." Now the truth was spilling out of me. I needed to stop myself.

He scribbled some more into his notepad. I wanted to ask what Edward said but I didn't. If there were inconsistencies, I was hoping Chief Avery would just come out and accuse me already. I'd endured enough stress for one day.

"Someone seemed to think they saw Edward on the other side of the lot when the accident happened," the chief asked. I could tell he wasn't saying this with conviction but as something he had to check anyway.

Was that someone me, I asked in my head. I know I saw Edward with his brothers and sisters, not anywhere near me. I suppose in a lot full of people, someone else would have had to notice this too.

Avoid outright lies.

"He was obviously next to me," I said. "He saved my life." I just managed to process this thought as I said it. He saved my life. I knew he pulled me out of the way, more than that, but I guess I hadn't processed what would've happened if he hadn't. If he had just let the car crush me...

I thought he had wanted to kill me that day, and today he saved me. I decided I would try to repay him whatever way I could. Even if it meant keeping all his secrets. Even if it meant lying.

I said nonchalantly, "You know what, he's usually with his brothers and sisters. This person probably saw them and figured he was in the group." Not a huge lie.

"Okay," Chief Avery said. He seemed satisfied. "Do you need a ride home?"

"I can't go back to school?" I asked. I looked at him then at Dr. Cullen.

Dr. Cullen thought it best I go home, and I couldn't really argue with a doctor and a policeman. On the way out, the doctor got me an ice pack and a brace for my wrist. I gave Dr. Cullen Edward's notebook and asked if he would give it to his son for me. He accepted with a smile.

When I got home, I took a couple of aspirin and a hot shower. I tried on my wrist brace and made myself lunch as best I could. Then I did some easy chores around the house, nothing that required two able hands.

I hated missing school. It would just mean more work to catch up on tomorrow. I would have to remember to get up extra early to walk to school since my bike was parked there.

It was still early in the day so I lay on the couch to rest. Then my mind was flooded with thoughts. I had just begun to wrap my head around Edward reading minds. Now it appeared he was some invincible superhero. It didn't make any sense. Yet, I had seen it with my own eyes.

What else could he do? Could he fly? Become invisible? I was getting ahead of myself. I had to think this reasonably. I had to list in my mind what I saw, what I knew.

Edward was incredibly strong. Strong enough to crush a car with his body without being visibly injured. He was also very fast. I was certain he was not anywhere near me when the car lost control and was barreling towards me, yet he managed to reach me in time. He could read Jessica's mind, possibly others' as well.

Then all I could think about were comic book and movie heroes. He was more than human. Alien? That sounded crazy, but didn't everything right now? What did we know about aliens? That could mean any infinite number of possibilities. I would have to come back to that idea later after I'd ruled out others, if that was even possible with me asking more questions than coming up with answers.

No, I had to look at what was there. I pictured Edward in my mind. He was very handsome. He was very pale. And he was very cold. My mind thought vampires.

Vampire? What did I know about vampires? All the mythology was varying, at least according to different writers and films.

They are dead, or rather undead. So they are cold and pale. Check and check.

They fear daylight. Well, Edward was out during the day all the time.

Then a thought hit me. Didn't my friends tell me that the Cullens were absent on nice days? Like on the one sunny day they coincidentally happened to be absent on? And this town hardly got any direct sunlight. Even during the day, it was always cloudy and gray here. Buffy's vamps don't burn unless they're actually hit with the sun's rays. Great, I was fact-checking from a television show. But I felt like I was getting somewhere, so I kept going.

What else? Probably the most important quality was that vampires drink blood. Well that one was going to be difficult. It's not like they brought thermoses with warm, dark liquid to school. Although... I had never actually seen them eat or drink anything.

I felt like I was onto something here. Most depictions have them as strong creatures. Maybe hearing thoughts was a side effect. They didn't have fangs, but some movie vamps had sort of retractable ones.

I tried to recall all my vampire trivia knowledge. There were so many differing myths. Some said they have no reflection – there must be tons of reflective surfaces at school, and surely someone would've noticed that by now. Some said they don't like garlic, holy water, crosses, silver.

Then I thought about the ways they could be killed. The most pervasive myth was a wooden stake through the heart.

I thought about a stake through Edward's heart. It was an unpleasant image. But I had to think about my options. Yes, he had saved my life, but had he not looked so threateningly at me just days before that? Just to be safe, I thought about what else could kill a vampire. Cutting off the head. Another gruesome image. Burning, by fire or sunlight. I filed those in the back of my head in case Edward changed his mind about letting me live.

I think he had wanted to kill me that day in biology class. I saw it in his eyes. Was it because I figured out his talent? He had reacted to my touch. My human touch. Did he want to drink my blood? I didn't know what to think about that.

So was I relinquishing to the idea that Edward was a vampire? If vampires existed, that is. If vampires existed, they would not lose anything by looking as beautiful and alluring as the Cullens.

For, if Edward was a vampire, then so were the rest of the family with their pale beauty and golden eyes.

Thoughts of vampires swirled in my head the rest of my day till I dozed off in the evening.


	8. Confession

Note: I know it's a lot of exposition in this chapter, but I wanted to keep the story moving and not drag out the explanations too much.

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Confession**

* * *

Damn, I was going to be late for school. I had meant to set my alarm for earlier but I fell asleep before I did. I checked to see if Phil could give me a ride but he was gone already. I would be fine if I had my bike, but walking would take so much longer. I would have to jog a bit. I quickly washed up and got dressed. I toasted a slice of bread and grabbed it on my way out. I held the bread corner with my mouth as I was walking out the front door of the apartment and adjusting my wrist brace when I saw him.

I stopped where I stood with bread hanging from my mouth. I nearly dropped it.

There was Edward, leaning on a car with his arms crossed. It looked like a scene from a movie. Maybe a vampire movie.

"Good morning, Bella. Took you long enough," he said, unfolding his arms.

I grabbed the bread from my mouth and stepped forward slowly. Was this really happening? I looked around to see if anyone else was seeing this.

He stepped aside and opened the passenger side door. I just stared at him.

"Were you going to walk to school?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied. Wasn't it obvious?

"You're going to be late."

I didn't want to be late. I also didn't want to become vampire bait with no witnesses around. I looked back up at my apartment building. There was an old lady looking out the window down at us. Thank God for nosy old ladies!

I hesitated and stepped inside while he closed the door for me. I saw him look up at the old lady. I hadn't thought about how easy it would be for him to eliminate witnesses. I slowly buckled my seat belt. He got in the driver seat, buckled up, and we drove off.

He was driving the gray Volvo really fast. It made me nervous but I think I was more afraid to say anything than to displease him. So I was very still and quiet.

He must've noticed I hadn't moved. "Are you going to finish eating that?"

I looked down at the half eaten slice in my hand. "I don't want to get crumbs in your car," I told him meekly.

"I don't mind," he smiled. "But that's not much of a breakfast."

_Would a high school girl and an old lady be more your taste?_

I finished off the slice in a few quick bites and immediately regretted it. My mouth was so dry. Would I be able to scream properly?

"Can you open the window for me?" I asked, nodding my head to my right.

He turned to look at me quickly, then pressed the button on his side for the window. I stuck my hands out in the cold air and dusted the crumbs off my hands. I pulled my hands back in and pressed the button myself to raise the window. He may not care if I get crumbs in his car, but I did. I might become food, but I would be conscientious food.

He drove so fast, we reached the school in no time. I stepped out of the car and fruitlessly hoped no one saw us. I may have survived the car ride but I would have to survive high school social life, too.

"Thank you," I blurted out and walked towards the entrance quickly.

Several people in my classes came to ask if I was all right after yesterday's crash, which I assured them I was. I found out that the driver was still absent but no longer in the hospital.

I had English with Jessica, but she waited till lunch so that she and the others may bombard me with questions together.

"So Edward Cullen saved your life," she started. "He like snatched you from the jaws of death. How did he do it? Did he carry you in his arms? What was it like?" she asked dreamily. I noticed Lauren had a faraway look in her face as well.

I laughed. It shouldn't be funny but everyone was making it seem so dramatic. But in truth, it was more than dramatic, it was supernatural.

"Does it hurt?" asked Angela, looking at my arm. Bless her heart.

"No," I assured her, "as long as I keep pressure off it."

Jessica pressed again for answers so I told my disappointed listeners that it happened too fast and that I didn't even remember. I think I may have even said I had my eyes closed and didn't see anything to keep them from asking any more.

I occasionally caught the Cullens looking toward the louder-than-usual commotion we were making. I noticed Rosalie looking at me for particularly long periods of time.

Mike was walking me to bio class as usual when he said, "So Edward's like a hero now." It sort of sounded like a question. I guess he waited till we were away from everyone to say this. For some reason, I felt bad for him at this moment.

"Um, I guess so," I told him as unenthusiastically as I could. It wouldn't make sense if I denied his statement, but I knew he didn't care much for Edward so I tried to sound sympathetic. Little did he know what Edward really was.

When we reached the class, I saw Edward looking at me. I walked to my seat, but I couldn't help looking at Mike as he sat down. He looked kind of despondent. I turned to Edward and noticed he was looking at Mike, too. Edward looked at me again with a serious face. Was no one happy?

I took my seat and gave Mr. Banner my full attention.

When I got to gym class, the teacher told me I couldn't participate due to my injury and that I had to sit on the bleachers on the side. This gave me an opportunity to catch up on my missed work, and by the time school ended, I was free.

I unlocked my bike outside and started walking with it when Edward and Emmett stood in front of me. I lifted my widened eyes and gazed at the two tall, intimidating figures.

"Are you going to ride home with one hand?" Edward asked.

"Yes," I answered plainly.

"Well, I'm sure you could, but I'd still worry." Some students passed by, eyeing us. I felt exposed.

After a pause, Emmett rolled his eyes and stepped towards me. He grabbed my bike and rolled it away from us. My mouth gaped and I looked to Edward for an answer.

"What is he doing?" I asked, stupidly.

"Emmett's going to take it home for you. Don't worry about it. I think we should talk." He was so authoritative. I didn't know how to respond to him. Were all vampires like this? I just stood there.

"Please, Bella," he said with a worried look.

I walked with him to his car where he opened the door for me. My gentleman vampire caller.

He must have driven us quite far but we were traveling at such a high speed I couldn't tell just how far. We drove on mostly deserted roads to woodier areas up dirt and pebble paths. We were elevated from sea level I could tell, on some mountain side. We must be on a hiking trail, I thought. Maybe he wants to take me to a secluded place and bury me where no one will find me.

That was silly – someone must have seen us leaving school together.

When he stopped the car, he got out and walked into the forest. I wordlessly followed.

When he had walked a few minutes, he stopped in a small clearing and I stopped a couple yards behind him. He turned around to face me.

"Are you afraid of me, Bella?" he asked. I looked at him. He had a look of seriousness and yearning.

I thought about it. "I think I should be. But I'm not."

"Why not?"

"Why did you save me?" I asked.

He was silent. I didn't know if he was going to answer.

"Because I had to," he finally said.

I stared at him, willing him to say more, to explain his cryptic answer. When I realized he wasn't going to, I lowered my head.

"You should stay away from me, Bella." He took a step forward. He shifted his foot again as if to take another step, but he didn't.

How could he say something like that while he stood so close to me and called my name?

"Because of what you are," I offered.

"What am I?" he asked in a low voice. He took those steps he'd stopped before. He was just a few feet from me now.

I opened my mouth as if to speak but nothing came out. I couldn't bring myself to say the word.

What if he wasn't a vampire?

What if he was?

I finally managed to whisper, "Vampire."

In a flash he moved from right in front of my eyes to the side to a large tree. I heard a loud crack and the tree was snapped, the broken piece leaning with its branches tangled with its healthy siblings'. In another instant, he was back in front of me with outraged eyes.

"I'm a killer!" he yelled.

I looked into his deep, golden eyes. His outburst had startled me but the sight of him now frightened me more. But somehow I wasn't frightened _of_ him, I was frightened _for_ him. He looked so desperate and sad, I wanted to hold him and tell him everything would be all right.

"Do you want to kill me?" I asked. The way I felt for him right now, I would've done anything to soothe him.

"Yes," he said loudly, his eyes still blazing.

"Are you going to?" If he was, his face would be the last thing I saw. I didn't think that would be such a bad way to go.

His brows unfurrowed. "I don't know," he said softer.

He doesn't know if he's going to kill me. I exhaled incredulously. "Okay," I compromised, "I can work with that."

He looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. Everyone else seemed to think so.

I took this opportunity to investigate my other hunches.

"You can read Jessica's mind," I said, matter-of-factly.

He gave a quick look of confusion at my change in subject and recovered. "I can read everyone's mind." He wasn't beating around the bush. This was good.

"But not mine," I stated.

"But not yours."

"Why not?" I had to ask.

"I don't know," he said, with that frustrated look I first came to know him by.

"You've never met anyone else whose thoughts you couldn't hear?"

"No," he stated plainly.

"Is there something wrong with me?" I asked. Were my thoughts so different from everyone else's?

He narrowed his eyes slightly. "'Wrong' isn't the right word."

"Then what is?"

"You're," he paused, searching for a word, "special. Rare."

"Rare? Rare how?" I asked. _Like a steak? As in, you want to eat me?_

"Your blood," he started, but didn't finish. After a short pause, he continued, "It took every ounce of my strength not to kill you that day."

I tried my best not to stir, not to show any sign what he said to me startled me. I knew he had wanted to hurt me that day. It was another thing to hear him actually say how close he came. If he had attacked me, what would he have done to the witnesses, the rest of the class, possibly the rest of the school? I stopped myself from wondering any further. I couldn't think of this man in front of me doing such terrible things... because of me.

"You want my blood," I stated.

"You will never know how much." There was that sadness in his face again.

"My blood is special? It's what keeps you from reading my mind? Can your family read minds as well?" My questions spilled out one after another. He answered my last question first.

"No. We all have certain amplified traits, but only some of us have a special talent. And they're unique. It usually is a heightened manifestation of a skill we had as a human. I was good at reading people, guessing what they were thinking. And then I didn't have to guess, I knew. I went through a hundred years of existence thinking I knew everyone, and here you came stumbling into my life. You don't know how frustrating and fascinating you were to me. I couldn't get into your head, and your behavior baffled me. I couldn't read you. You were quiet and independent and unemotional. I had to read around you but all your friends see you differently, only see parts of you. I couldn't get the whole picture. You defied me, even laughed at me. You had me intrigued. And I was stubborn about it. I should have told my family about you right away, but I didn't. I wanted to crack the puzzle that is you myself. And then I think you figured me out before I could figure you out."

"I had to lie to do that," I said ruefully. I was still mad at myself for lying to Jessica to figure it out.

"You were clever. You disarm me. And I was careless. It was my mistake and I couldn't keep it from my family any longer. There are two others in my family who have talents. Jasper can feel and manipulate people's emotions. And Alice can see the future."

"See the future?" I asked with awe.

"It's not an exact science. The future's always changing. People change their minds, set different things in motion. So what she sees changes, too. And I asked her to check your future."

Did I want to know my future? Yes.

"What did she see?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said.

"Nothing?" I said disappointed. "What does that mean?"

"It means you evade her powers as well. And Jasper's. He can't tell what you're feeling, nor can he influence you. You're quite an anomaly."

"An anomaly," I repeated. "So I'm a freak." I guess I sort of knew that.

"We didn't know what to think. Our family had long discussions about what to do about you."

"You mean what to do _to_ me."

"That question was raised. Some thought you posed a threat to our family. Especially since you knew about my ability. We thought it wouldn't be long before you figured out what else was wrong about us. But I kept an eye on you, and my mind on everyone around you, and you didn't say a thing to anyone."

"And I still won't," I tried to assure him. I wasn't sure if I sounded reassuring.

"I believe you. I don't know what your motives are, or why I believe you, but I do," he said.

"They're not my secrets to tell. Anyway, I don't think anyone would believe me to be honest. I'm fast becoming the town's local loon."

"Even rumors can be dangerous for us. And you found me out so easily." He sounded annoyed at this.

I couldn't take all the credit for being clever. "I think being immune to your trick helped."

"Immune," he nodded. "Yes. You seem to be immune to me. But I am not immune to you."

"You mean my blood. You think it's special."

"It is. Besides being strong and fast, we also have heightened senses. To help track our... prey. This means we can see throbbing pulses, hear heartbeats, even feel body heat if we're close. But most importantly, we smell blood. But I can't smell yours."

"Is that bad?"

"It's good for you. It's probably what has kept you living all this time."

He stood closer still.

"Right now, I can hear your heartbeat and your blood pulsing through your body. I can feel your warmth. I can smell your hair, your skin, but not your blood. I didn't notice it right away because the school is filled with the smell of blood of students. And when I did notice, I didn't think much of it because I was trying to solve the puzzle of your mind. But then that day when you touched me..." he trailed off.

I remembered. I remembered how he had practically convulsed at my hand touching his and nearly attacked me. "You could smell my blood," I finished for him.

"I could practically taste you. I have never felt so much desire in my life."

I blushed at his words. He looked at me intensely. Did he _desire_ me now? Was he remembering my scent. I felt weak.

He took a step back. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm just remembering. It's difficult for me."

"No, I'm sorry," I apologized. My face was warm from the blood rushing to my cheeks. I realized that couldn't be good for Edward, so I put my hands on my cheeks to try and cool them down and to hide myself a bit from embarrassment. I was so lucky he couldn't read my thoughts.

"Sometimes, there are certain people, a certain person's blood that appeals to one of us more than others. It sings to us, as some of us say. And when it does, it's extremely hard for us to resist, not that most do. But discretion is important to us, as you can imagine. There have been some weaker-willed ones who have succumbed to temptation without thinking in front of witnesses in public. Those kinds of incidents require clean-up. It's all very messy, as it would've been if I had given in to you that day. I don't want to scare you now with those details, but it was that thought and the exposure and danger to my family that let me walk away from you.

"And when I walked away from you, I didn't stop for a long time. I left everything and went far away from you. I wasn't sure if I would return. I wasn't sure if I _could_ return. I stopped myself once, but I didn't want the pain of trying again. I had been so good for so long. And to let one little girl ruin it all."

I felt wretched I had caused him pain. I had no idea he had gone through all this.

I think he saw the hurt look on my face. He continued, "I don't mean to belittle you. I just want to tell you the truth. I can't seem to lie to you. I was terribly angry at you at the time. You had run me off without even knowing it. I felt weak and powerless. I haven't had human blood in decades and here you were tempting me like a siren."

"You don't drink blood?" I asked, curious to this new information.

"It's not like in the movies. We don't just suck some blood and leave a couple of puncture wounds behind. It's brutal and violent and always fatal. Our kind is good at covering it up, of course. Making sure the bodies don't turn up, or if they do, that they look like terrible accidents or killings by other humans. It's all indescribably horrible." Here he paused, and I thought he must be recalling those dark times. But then he looked at me with kind eyes and proudly said, "But Carlisle, my father, my friend, gave us another option. Our family doesn't drink human blood. Not for some time. Well, some longer than others, but it's what keeps us able to socialize and interact with humans so well. We're together as a family because we chose a different path from the others. We've all seen and felt the violence and hate, and we choose to live among humans, to keep some hope of the humanity we lost. We hunt and feed on animals, instead. We're vegetarians, so to speak." He smiled shyly at this.

Animal-eating vegetarians. Go figure.

He continued. "I thought myself strong. I thought I had mastered my thirst. I was living a peaceful, if boring, existence, and you turned my world upside down with one touch. You showed me my hubris. It was as if you had been sent to punish me for being too proud and vain. I thought a lot while I was away. I was truly humbled. Carlisle and my family had taught me better. I knew they would still love and support me, but I wanted to prove to them and to myself that I wasn't weak. I wanted to show you I wasn't weak."

Prove to me? He had nothing to prove to me.

"So I came back. I was determined to win. It was silly, really. I was fighting this battle with you and you had no idea. But as soon as I returned, you threw me another challenge. You put yourself in danger and nearly got killed."

"I object to that," I told him. "I didn't put myself in danger. It came looking for me. It seems to do that when you're around."

He laughed. "And so it seems," he agreed with a smile. "If it had been anyone else, I don't know what I would have done. The truth, I'm afraid, is I probably would have done nothing. But it was you. _Why did it have to be you?_ That's what I thought. And that's what I thought when I saved you and realized it didn't have to be you. Maybe fate will punish me again. Maybe danger will rain down on us, but," he paused briefly here, "I want to protect you."

I looked up at him. He was a good deal taller than me. "You did protect me," I assured him. He saved my life. "And I'm still alive."

"It's not that simple. The thing is, when you were in the hospital and Carlisle examined your arm, he could smell your blood."

"From the touch."

"Yes. It seems your blood not only sings to me, it sings to all of us. You even tempted Carlisle, which is saying a lot. He has more control than anyone I know. When he touched you, he realized what you are. He's come across one before. I had only heard stories till now. You have what we call burning blood."

"What?" was all I could mutter. I remembered how Dr. Cullen had let out a small exhale of breath when he first examined my arm.

"Burning bloods are extremely rare – maybe a handful a millennium, it's hard to know for sure. As far as we can tell, it's not a blood type or hereditary. It's more like a random mutation that makes your blood incredibly irresistible to vampires. Not that there have been any tests or studies done. Besides being rare, burning bloods don't live long. The scent of their blood is more potent to us than anything, and any burning blood who is anywhere near one of us doesn't stand a chance. The ones who lived to adulthood were either very lucky or lived in isolated areas. You seem to have been one of the lucky ones. It appears, you have a built-in defense mechanism. You are safe from our sense of smell and even to our talents. You are uniquely unique."

"I'm just becoming a bigger freak," I said. "But what if I'm not that unique? What if there are others like me out there? Who are 'protected?' You wouldn't really know, would you?"

"It's true, and Carlisle's wondered that. He's a scientist so naturally he's curious."

"I'd like to ask him questions, too," I said, thinking out loud.

"I know he'd like that."

"And you. I have so many questions for you. If you're willing to answer them, that is." I was getting bolder with him.

"Only if you answer mine," he said.

"I don't know what you could possibly want to know from me, but you have a deal. Oh, but it's getting dark. I guess that's not a problem for you." The sun set so early in winter. I felt like the sun was against me wanting to talk more with Edward.

"That's okay. We can meet tomorrow if you're free," he said.

"I might sound terribly desperate telling you this, but I'm free a lot," I confessed.

"Well, then I guess I'm desperate too, because immortality gives me a lot of free time." He paused and looked at me. He seemed to want to say something more but it was becoming harder for me to see his face in the dark. I guess he decided he should tell me what was on his mind because he added, "Besides, Alice seems to think you and I will be spending some time together."

"Thinks or sees?" I asked. "I thought she couldn't see my future."

"She can't. The thing is, she's starting to have trouble seeing mine. This whole blind spot thing is new to her so she's not as reliable." He smiled then. "She's a bit irritated by it, actually."

I furrowed my brows in concern. "Please tell her I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. Turns out you're not doing it on purpose. Besides, I quite enjoy seeing her... irked." He smiled again. He started walking back towards the car and I walked with him. It was beginning to get really dark, especially in the unlit woods, but his pale skin was like a beacon of light for me.

We reached the car quicker than it took to get here from it, I thought. How my feelings coming and going had drastically changed.

"Overwhelmed?" he asked when we were in the car riding back.

"Yes," I answered, sheepishly. I couldn't hide a slight smile.

He turned to look at my face. "Why do I have a hard time believing that?" he asked.

"I am," I said softly, then my energy burst through and I started gushing. "It's just, I feel more excited than anything. It's like you've told me night is day and I've been living all this time with my eyes closed. And you've told me how to open my eyes and I'm really seeing for the first time. I feel like anything is possible." I looked at him and blushed. "I must sound so silly to you," I said.

"Not at all," he said in a kind tone. "I'm surprised you're taking all this so well. I think I have you figured out and then you surprise me. Believe me, it's not easy to surprise someone who's been around as long as I have."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing," I asked, afraid I might be frustrating him again.

"It's turning out to be a good thing," he said with a slight smile.

We reached my building way too quickly. My night with Edward was coming to a fast end.

"Thank you," was all I could utter. I got out of the car and I heard his door open and close and he walked with me to the main entrance. My bike was parked and locked in its usual place, just like he had assured me it would be. I stood by the building door and awkwardly waited. I didn't want him to walk me to my apartment door.

"Bella?" he called.

I looked up suddenly at my name and said too eagerly, "Yes?"

"May I drive you to school tomorrow as well?"

"You know, I really am able to ride my bike, even with this," I said holding up my braced left arm.

"I do know, but let me feel responsible and make sure nothing else happens to you," he said in his lovely voice.

I gained my composure. "Is this the whole gentleman thing again?"

"Well, I am from an era when gentlemen still existed."

"Lucky me, then," I admitted.

"Does that mean yes?" he asked.

"Yes."

"I will see you tomorrow then. Good night, Bella."

"Good night. Edward?" I called.

"Yes, Bella?" He looked at me with his beautiful, otherworldly eyes.

I hesitated. "In case I'm dreaming and none of this happened, I just want you to know that, I had a wonderful day with you."

I turned and ran inside, not wanting to see his reaction to my silly confession. I ran up the three flights of stairs without slowing and I quickly unlocked the apartment door and went inside. I closed and locked the door behind me and I leaned on it. I had to catch my breath, but it wasn't just from the stairs I just ran up, but from the talk I just had with Edward. For that matter, I never really had a chance to catch my breath since first meeting him.

I stood there in the dark against the door for a few seconds thinking about Edward. I didn't bother to turn the light on yet, but I walked to the window. I looked down and saw Edward standing by his car looking up at me. He had waited for me. I blushed. I hoped he couldn't tell from down there, but I had a feeling he probably could. I waved my hand and mouthed the word "bye." He was too far and it was too dark for me to see his face clearly. He stepped into his car and sped off.


	9. Food for Thought

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 9**

**Food for Thought**

* * *

I'm running. But not as fast as I want to be. My legs are heavy and slow. It's a struggle and I'm tiring; it's like running underwater. And I'm getting scratched and whipped by branches. I'm running in a forest. It's dark and cold and I can hardly see in front of me but I have to keep running. It's so frustrating not being able to move faster because I'm trying to run to – no, I'm running from someone, something.

I slow down a bit and turn my head back to have a look behind me. That's when I hit a tree. I'm almost knocked off my feet but I manage to keep my balance and recover. I see then that it's not a tree I ran into. It's Edward.

He takes my hand in his and he pulls me upward. He's flying up in the air and he's pulling me with him. I look down at the forest floor receding below me. I look up at Edward and he has his head facing the tree tops.

We're almost beyond the trees when he looks down at me and lets go of my hand. There is no hatred or joy in his face. I do not struggle to hold on. I do not hate him for letting me go. I relinquish myself to the inevitable. I simply look at his fading face then figure as I fall further down. I fall and fall and I know I must be close to the ground now and...

I woke with a jolt. My heart was beating faster than usual and my breathing was faster, too. I had only been dreaming that I was falling to my death. I hated that feeling.

I don't think I cared much for the dream itself either. I mean, he freaking let go of my hand after lifting me up so high. Not cool. And I wasn't even mad at him during the dream, which I can't understand. I would sure as hell be pissed if anyone deliberately let me fall like that.

I got up from the couch and was about to go to the bathroom to wash up when curiosity once again got the better of me. It was still early but I slowly walked toward the window with anticipation. I pulled the curtain aside and peeked outside, and there was Edward's car. But I didn't see Edward. I couldn't get an inside view of the car from my angle so I figured he must be sitting inside. How long had he been there?

I pushed the curtain back, just in case, and quickly made my way to the bathroom to get ready. I hurried more than normal knowing I was keeping someone waiting. I didn't like the idea of letting him sit out there alone.

I ran down the stairs after rushing my morning routine and pushed the outside door.

There he was, with the car door open waiting for me. How does he do that?

"Good morning, Bella," he greeted me.

"Morning, Edward," I greeted back, deciding to leave out the "good." My day had started off with a bad dream and nervous rushing, and he was partly involved in both those things. "I hope you weren't waiting long." We got in the car and he started driving his usual high speed.

"Does it bother you if I was?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered.

"Well, I didn't mean to rush you, but I don't like to keep a lady waiting," he said. This gentleman thing might have its drawbacks.

"I don't like to keep anyone waiting either," I told him. "I don't want you to have to get up earlier on my account." I don't know how much rest vampires require.

He smiled politely. "You don't have to worry about that. We don't sleep."

"What?" I asked, incredulous. "Like, ever?"

"Never."

I looked at him sadly. He was truly undead, unable to rest. "Don't you get tired?"

"Tired, yes. Sleepy, no. We can get exhausted, but it takes a lot of exertion. Even then, we recover quickly."

I thought about it. Sleep was such an integral part of our daily lives, I couldn't imagine not sleeping for long periods without wanting to fall into blissful slumber. "Don't you miss it?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"I haven't slept for a hundred years. It's difficult for me to even remember what it was like. Human memories aren't as intact or vivid as vampire ones. I never thought I would never sleep again. If I had, maybe I would have appreciated it more and even tried to hold onto some of my dreams."

"You don't even remember what sleeping feels like? Or any of your dreams? That's so sad."

"Can you miss something you never had? Or in my case, something you can't remember ever having. I don't think about it much. Only when I tire of... existing. But I don't think a few hours of sleep would help that."

There was so much sadness in him. I could see a glimpse of that. I could see he was being sincere when he said he was indifferent to sleep, but I could also see that he was tired. Of existing, as he put it. I didn't want to think about this.

"So no coffins?" I asked, trying poorly to lighten the mood.

He laughed. "No coffins. Sorry to disappoint."

I wasn't sure if he thought it was funny or if he was humoring my attempt at levity, but I was glad to see his smile.

I realized we had been sitting in the car in the school parking lot for a while finishing our conversation since it takes so little time to get anywhere with Edward's driving. The other cars were starting to fill the spaces in the lot and I was eager to go before we got a bigger audience.

I got out of the car at the same time as Edward. We walked side by side toward the entrance. I could see that people took notice of us. I don't like calling attention to myself, even if it is for being next to him. I wasn't sure how long this was going to go on with Edward.

He walked me to my locker, then to my first class. People continued to give us glances. Edward didn't seem to pay them any attention. It was strange to me because I knew he could hear what they were thinking. I was curious but I didn't ask him because I didn't think I would like the answers.

When we were outside my classroom, he said, "Have a nice class. Would you like me to wait for you after?"

"I think I'll be okay until lunch," I told him. I didn't want to give the others more gossip fodder than necessary.

"Are you sure about that? You are truly spectacular at attracting all sorts of trouble."

"Very funny."

"Okay," he smiled. "Then I shall see you later."

I was about to walk into the room when he interrupted.

"One more thing – We will be continuing our meeting from yesterday today after school, right?"

"Yes," I said. I had been looking forward to it since we left the woods last night.

"I'm afraid I'll probably monopolize a good portion of your free time for the foreseeable future."

I didn't know how to respond to that. He didn't have the smile he just had a few seconds before. He didn't wait for a verbal response before he walked away from me.

That was weird. It wasn't so much what he said as how he had said it. There was something different about his tone. I had hoped that I would see him as much as possible, but he just made me question my desire.

I collected myself and returned focus to school. I tried my best to concentrate on my classes, but all I could do was keep looking at the clock wondering if time suddenly decided to slow down at this most inconvenient time.

I finally made it to lunch. I sat next to Eric and Angela who were talking about getting breakfast Saturday morning in town. Across from us sat Mike, Tyler, Lauren, and Jessica in that order. Mike and Tyler were talking enthusiastically about basketball. Jessica was talking to Lauren about what a classmate was wearing today, while Lauren was looking at me.

I was acutely aware of everything and everyone around me today. I was feeling edgy. I was ready for the questions that were bound to come.

On the plus side, my sandwich tasted especially delicious and my juice was quite thirst quenching today.

As sensitive as I was to my surroundings now, I had managed not to look at the Cullen table, though I knew they were all sitting there.

I started playing a guessing game with myself as to who would bring up the question of Edward and me first. The obvious choice would be to go with Jessica. But the way Lauren was looking at me, I was willing to bet on her. I was therefore surprised by who actually asked me first.

"You should join us, Bella," said Eric. He was referring to breakfast in town. "You can ask Edward if you want."

Everyone at our table stopped what they were doing and looked at Eric. Then a few people looked at me and the others looked toward Edward. I was one of the ones to look at Edward.

He conveniently was turned away from us talking to Alice.

Nice, I thought. I couldn't say the guy didn't have a sense of humor.

"I don't know," I said reluctantly.

"We won't bite," joked Eric.

I choked and turned it into a cough. I smiled at Eric.

"She doesn't want to share her new boyfriend. It's understandable," said Lauren. There it was.

"It's not like that," I was quick to point out. The atmosphere turned somewhat awkward.

"What's it like then?" she asked in a faux innocent voice.

"He gave me a ride a few times. That hardly constitutes a relationship."

"But, Bella," added Jessica, "he saved your life. That could constitute a relationship."

I had to laugh at that. She had a point. It didn't really apply here, but it potentially would have in other circumstances.

"And I'm grateful he did. And I appreciate the rides and his consideration toward me, but I think people are reading more into it. I just think he feels kind of responsible for me, especially because of my hand. But it's all very innocent, I assure you." Was that the most I'd discussed about Edward to anyone? Was I even telling the truth? I thought I was, but I couldn't even tell anymore. Honestly, I didn't know what was going on with Edward. Could him telling me about his life be considered "innocent?" There was so much secrecy, and I suppose danger.

I always seemed to disappoint everyone whenever I talked about Edward with this group of friends.

"Well, you could still ask anyway," said Eric.

I looked at Eric's smile. I sighed. I told him okay. I mean, I wouldn't even really have to ask him. He was "eavesdropping," so to speak, on our whole conversation, I was sure.

"Even if he can't, you're still invited, Bella," said Angela. I thanked her and told her I would get back to her on that. I really didn't know my schedule now that I was tangled up with him.

Lunch ended and Mike waited to walk with me to class per usual.

"Hey, Bella?" he said while we were on our way. I looked up at him. "If you need a ride, I could always give you one."

"Oh," I said, "thanks, Mike. But I'll be fine." It was nice of him to offer.

"Well, any time you need one, okay?" he said.

I smiled at him. "Thanks. I appreciate that." He smiled back politely.

We reached our class and walked in. There was Edward sitting and looking our way. Mike passed behind me. He lightly put his hand on my shoulder as he did so and repeated, "Any time," and went to his seat.

I sat down. I looked at Edward. I expected a greeting. None came. He was looking straight ahead and his hands on the table were clenched into fists. He was clearly distracted. I didn't know if I should interrupt his thoughts.

Class was going to start soon, and I was still undecided. I started taking my books out of my bag. Edward still hadn't moved, I was silent with indecision, and Mr. Banner started speaking.

"Hello, Edward," I whispered in his direction. I knew I didn't need to be loud to be heard by him, so I whispered as low as I could without being heard by the other students around us. I gave my attention to Mr. Banner, but I could see from the corner of my eyes that Edward's hands had unclenched and had opened his notebook.

On the top line of the clean sheet were written in his beautiful script, _Hello, Isabella_.

It was the first non-class related doodle in his notebook, besides the "sorry" I had written in the back. I suppressed a smile and looked sideways at him. He was looking at the front of the class. I followed his lead.

When class finally ended, Edward looked at me with his golden eyes and said, "Hello, Bella."

I smiled. Better late than never. "Goodbye, Edward," I said and started putting my books back in my bag.

"Can I walk you to your next class?" he asked. When he said this, I saw Mike walk past us and out of the classroom. I was sure Mike had been close enough to hear Edward ask me.

"That's okay," I told Edward. "I know my way." I had just finished telling everyone there was nothing going on. I didn't want more accusations. Yes, I was going to spend time with him outside of school, but I didn't want to be giving people ammunition so easily in front of them.

"Of course," he said. "I will see you later."

"Later," I confirmed.

We were outside the classroom doors and I turned in the direction of my next class.

"Bella, before I forget," he called, "I wanted to ask you something. You sit next to Jessica during lunch, right?"

"Uh, yes," I said collecting myself. He caught me off guard. He remembered that was the lie I told Jessica to "out" him. He smiled and turned to leave in the other direction. I looked after him till he disappeared around a corner.

He didn't make me less of a liar. I had still lied to Jessica at the time, yet it somehow made me feel a tiny bit better. If Jessica ever mentioned it again, it wouldn't be a lie.

I walked to class feeling a little bit lighter.

I was able to finish my homework again during gym class while I sat on the sidelines. I didn't mind gym and I hated having my left wrist out of commission, but this arrangement was working out perfectly as I wouldn't have to worry about finishing schoolwork while I was with Edward.

When school ended, I took my time going to my locker and leaving. I didn't like the idea of Edward waiting for me, but the later I left, the smaller the audience. Most students were pretty anxious to leave school or to get to after school activities that this wasn't a huge issue.

I walked outside and saw Edward standing by his car in the back of the lot. I walked to it. There were still some stragglers in the parking lot, but I never expected it to be empty. People would still talk. I just didn't want to feel all their eyes on me at one time. Unwanted attention made me uncomfortable. I tried to blend in wherever I was.

Edward opened the door for me and I silently got in. When he had gotten in on his side, he said, "I was rude yesterday and didn't even inquire if you were hungry."

I felt a lot of things last night, but hungry was not one of them. "I forgot, too. You weren't being rude."

"I was, even if you say I wasn't," he said. I was going to have to get used to this gentleman thing. "Are you hungry?"

"You don't have to worry about that," I told him. I'm sure he had other things to care about than someone else's appetite.

"I do," he said. "Besides, Esme would have my head if I let you starve." He turned the ignition on and sped out.

Esme was the only one I was unfamiliar with. "Esme is your mother?" I asked.

He smiled with fondness. "Yes. She's not my biological mother, of course," he corrected, "and I guess depending on how you look at it, I'm older than her, but I've always thought of her as my mother, as I've always thought of Carlisle as my father."

I could see in his face that he loves her a great deal. My heart ached a little.

I wanted to know what she looked like. I remember seeing the handsome, caring Dr. Cullen and thinking what a beautiful wife he must have. Now I imagined her even more beautiful with this adoring son.

"You love her very much," I stated softly.

He answered with a smile.

"Is it rude of me to ask about your birth parents?" I asked. I was very curious about his life before he became a vampire.

"What would you like to know?" he asked.

"Everything," I simply stated. "I want to know everything about you." I blushed. I realized how emboldened I was being. I don't know what was making me feel so comfortable around him as to say whatever I was thinking.

"That's a lot to cover," he said nonplussed. "It might be faster if you tell me everything about you first."

"No," I laughed. "I asked you first. Anyway, I'm so boring." I put extra emphasis on the "so."

"I think you're a lot of things. Boring isn't one of them," he said.

"Oh? Then what are some of the things I am?" I challenged him.

"For one, you're clumsy. And a magnet for trouble," he said, smiling.

"I am not!" I protested. "I'm really not!" It was true. I was not naturally clumsy. I just happened to lose my senses and my balance around him. And the truck was a freak accident that could have happened to anyone.

"Okay, if you say so," he said in a mock serious tone.

"Don't patronize me," I said, trying to sound angry but failing abysmally. I wanted to give him a punch on the arm but I was very aware I could not touch him. "You're just trying to change the subject to me."

"You noticed, huh?" he smiled. I very much liked the laughing, joking Edward.

"All right then. What do you think about me?"

"Why don't you read my mind? Oh, wait. You can't!" I teased.

He laughed. "You're also annoying," he said.

"You're way more annoying," I said back.

We continued teasing each other while he drove. I wouldn't have thought Edward was capable of levity like this having seen him essentially mope around school all the time.

I saw his smiling face and realized how young he really was. He carried himself like he was ancient, but I could see now he was just a teenager like me. He was just caught in a different world or time, or maybe both.

My smile faded as I thought this.

"How old are you?" I asked him.

"Seventeen," he said, not missing a beat.

"Me, too," I said, almost in a whisper. I realized then that I would turn 18 soon and Edward never would. In the race of life, I would get old and leave him behind.

He pulled the car into a secluded little plaza of stores. There were a few restaurants and a couple of clothes stores. We got out of the car.

I saw an Italian and a Chinese restaurant. Then I saw a take out stand on the end by a few outdoor benches.

Edward was standing waiting for me to make a decision on the type of food I wanted and I walked toward the benches.

I went to the window and ordered a hot dog with the works, no onions, and a lemonade. I reached for my wallet, but Edward beat me to the punch. He insisted and wouldn't let me pay. I didn't look happy.

"Are you sure you don't want anything else?" he asked after he paid.

I'm sure he figured I would go for one of the restaurants. I assured him I wanted the hot dog as we walked to a bench.

Edward got up to get my order from the window right before the man brought it out. One of the many perks of reading thoughts, I thought, knowing when your food is ready. He brought me my food and drink and I dug in while he watched.

It was delicious. I was quite content eating my food but I got distracted by Edward intently watching me.

"Do you have to stare at me eat?" I asked, after I swallowed my bite and downed it with lemonade.

"Sorry," he apologized. "But you seem to be enjoying it quite a bit. I like seeing that."

"I _am_ enjoying it. Do you miss food?" I took another bite.

"No," he said. "Food in those days wasn't exactly gourmet or bountiful for the poor. I didn't get to try a variety like you would now. We ate to get sustenance, not flavor."

"I know you don't eat or drink now, but could you? Like, can you tell what food tastes like?"

He took my lemonade and sipped a small amount from the straw into his mouth. Then he spit it out behind him in the grass. "It's tangy and sweet. And cold."

I scrunched up my face and then laughed.

He laughed, too. "Not very dignified, is it?"

I shook my head, smiling.

I continued eating my hot dog, letting him watch me. I drank from my same straw he had just sipped from perfectly aware he had his lips to it. When I finished, he threw out my garbage for me. Then he suggested we take a walk in the woods behind the plaza.

I felt so at ease with him. I don't think I had ever felt so comfortable around anyone before, not even my own father. I thought that I could tell him anything, not that I really would, but I felt safe with him.

When we walked a little bit into the forest, I decided to ask him a different line of questioning than about his family.

"What's the range of your power?" I asked him. I wondered if he could hear anyone near us now.

"It depends," he replied. "The more familiar I am with the person, the further away I can be and still hear them. My family I can hear from very far. Also, the school I have down now. In school, I can home in on anyone in the building. It took me some time because there's a lot of people, a lot of thoughts, but I can sift through them easily now," he said proudly.

"Do you hear them all at once?" I asked.

"Kind of. I can, but I wouldn't be able to understand all of them. It's easiest to tune the others out and concentrate on one. I'm able to hear a few at a time but it's more difficult and requires more concentration. It's like listening to several radio stations at once. But over the years, I've honed my multitasking skills."

"So what does it sound like?"

"People's thoughts?" he asked. I nodded. His eyes moved in thought. "Everyone is slightly different. In their thoughts, too. Some people are very clear in their thoughts, as if they were talking. Some are muffled, unsure. Some think constantly, usually about themselves. Some are more visual. Some never say what they're thinking."

I pondered the amazing things he was telling me. "I wonder what your thoughts would sound like," I said. I stopped walking, realizing my slip. I hadn't meant to say it out loud but he left me disarmed.

He stopped, too. He faced me. "I was thinking the same thing about you," he said, looking into my eyes.

I took a deep breath and managed to look away. I started walking again. I don't think he would like hearing my mind.

"What's your favorite color?" he asked behind me.

I kept walking but looked back at him with a smile. He was smiling back.

"This would be a lot faster if I could read your mind, but since I can't, we're going to have to do this the slow way," he said, striding next to me.

"I like all colors," I told him. "But if I was forced to pick one, I guess I would have to say blue. Although I'm becoming fond of green since I moved here," I said looking out into the forest. Most of the trees were bare now, but there were still some pines and spots of moss that survived. I could've also mentioned the deep golden color of his eyes but I refrained myself. "You?"

"I like blue, too" he said, holding my gaze. "Although lately I've become fond of brown."

I broke from his gaze again. I was constantly in danger of becoming lost in his eyes.

He continued asking me silly little questions like my favorite foods, shows, hobbies, even my favorite animal. And in turn, I learned things like he liked reading and music, he knew more languages than I could count, and his favorite animal was the mountain lion (how odd).

I had a million other questions for him, but I had fun with his line of questions. It was lighthearted and silly.

Soon, it got dark and we headed back. When we reached the plaza, I ordered a couple of hamburgers and fries to take home for dinner for Phil and me. Edward insisted on paying while I refused to let him. We nearly broke out in a fight over it. In the end, he bribed the cashier with a bigger tip to take his money not mine.

"All I have are time and money," he told me. "Please let me feel generous in this small way." I sighed in resignation. But I didn't have to be happy about it. I was definitely not used to this kind of treatment.

When he took me home, it was much like it had been yesterday. He walked me to the main entrance but he waited till he saw me in my apartment window to leave.

Later, when Phil came home, he commented how the burger tasted good. I agreed.


	10. Myths

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**Myths**

* * *

The next day was like the day before. Edward picked me up for school and I met him at his car afterwards. He asked what I wanted to eat and I told him I wanted a fruit smoothie. He took me to a cute little place a couple towns away to get one and then he took us to a walking trail.

I took this opportunity to ask him about some vampire fact or fiction. Turned out most of it was fiction.

"So are you allergic to garlic?" I started.

He smiled and answered that he wasn't.

"I didn't think so," I told him. He was, after all, willing to take me to an Italian restaurant last night. I doubt he would have done that if he didn't like garlic.

"Silver?" I tried. He shook his head. "Crosses? Holy water? Churches?" All negative. "You wouldn't happen to be lying to me, would you? I would understand if you were," I told him.

"Would you like to visit a church now?" he asked. "I haven't been to one in years but I'm pretty confident I won't burst into flames."

"Would you hold me responsible if you did?"

"Oh, absolutely," he said, feigning seriousness. "When I turn into a pile of ash, I will definitely return as a ghost and haunt you."

"Don't be ridiculous," I said jokingly. "Ghosts aren't real. Are they?"

He shrugged and laughed.

I thought about him haunting me. Somehow, the idea didn't seem so bad. I kind of felt like he was haunting me now.

"Do you have a reflection?" I asked him. I was pretty sure he did but I was going to ask about all of it.

"How else would we fix our hair in the morning?" he jovially said.

"Very funny," I said.

"What else?" he offered.

"Are you enjoying this?" I asked, detecting a hint of excitement.

"Yeah, I kind of am. I've never really talked about this with anyone. Especially not a human. It's kind of fun." He had a smile.

"It's kind of weird when you call me 'human,'" I told him, making a face.

His smile faded. He looked at me. "You're right," he said. "You should definitely _not_ be considered human." His smile reappeared.

I broke a small branch near me and threw it at him. He lifted his arms to his body protectively where the stick hit him.

He laughed. "Careful. You don't want to aim for my heart and stake me."

My eyes widened. "Is that true?" I asked in wonder.

"No, but it's funny," he smiled big.

I picked up a small rock this time and threw it at him hard. It bounced off his chest and hit me in the leg.

"Ow," I screamed.

Edward burst out laughing while I rubbed the part of my thigh where the rock hit me.

"I'm sorry," he managed to say between laughs. "Are you all right? I shouldn't be laughing."

"Yeah, you shouldn't, yet there you are," I said loudly over his laughs. "I didn't even think vampires could laugh, what with you looking depressed or angry all the time." His laughs weren't as loud any more but it still hadn't stopped. "Oh, go turn into a bat and fly away or something," I pouted and turned away to walk. I heard more laughter behind me.

In a flash he was in front of me and I had to abruptly stop to keep from literally walking into him. His laughing at me had mostly ended.

"Don't be like that," he pleaded with a smile. I folded my arms.

He held his hand out with the small rock. He closed his hand into a fist and when he opened it, the rock was pulverized into smaller particles.

"I'll crush all the stupid rocks for you, if you want," he said, still smiling.

I rolled my eyes at his exaggerated offer. I smiled. "That's not necessary," I conceded.

I wasn't really mad at him. It hadn't even hurt that much. I was more embarrassed, and I guess I liked the attention from him. I even liked that I had made him laugh so wholeheartedly, though it was at my expense.

I turned back around to continue to walk the direction we had been going before. I kicked a few pebbles away.

"Would you really have crushed all these rocks to make me feel better?" I asked, pretending to be sore still.

"I would have demolished this whole mountain for you," he said. "But I can't turn into a bat," he added.

"Oh, well then I'm not impressed," I told him. He feigned being hurt by what I said.

"If you're so invincible, how would I go about causing some physical damage?" I asked.

"You can't," he said matter-of-factly.

I frowned. "Are you bullet-proof?"

"Yes," he answered.

"Tank proof?"

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Do you have access to a tank?"

"Well, no, but I thought we were talking theoretical here," I said.

"Tanks are too slow. We would take it apart before it got a shot off," he said.

"What about explosives?" I continued.

"Well, I suppose it could do some damage if you could manage to get us to stay near one. That would be the tricky part. As you know, we're very fast. Anything that could be used against us..."

"I know!" I interrupted. I had forgotten about it. I was sure this one had to be true. "Sunlight," I said confidently. I doubted he could run faster than the speed of light.

He smiled. "Sorry," he replied.

"What?" I said with disbelief. "You don't burn in sunlight?"

"Don't look so disappointed," he mock chided me.

I pouted. "Then how come you guys are absent on sunny days?"

"I'll show you one day," he promised. I couldn't think of a reason why they would hide from sunlight if it didn't hurt them.

"I guess vampire slaying as a career option is out, then," I said, feigning disappointment.

He smiled. "Let's save the 'how to kill me' lessons for another day, shall we?"

"Fine, if we have to," I said sarcastically. "Hey," I had another thought. "Do you have to be invited to enter a home?"

"No, but that's just common courtesy," he smiled.

"Yeah, who likes rude vampires?" I asked. Not me, I thought. I didn't like the idea of a vampire home invasion.

"Bella?" he said, catching me in my reverie. "I won't go into your home unless you want me to." He was being sincere. And apparently reading my thoughts, without really hearing them.

When I got home that night, I saw Edward drive away from my window. I closed all the curtains in all the windows. I wasn't afraid of Edward, but I was acutely aware there were other things, other people out there who were not so pleasant.


	11. Dangerous Things

Featured Music: The Eels - Fresh Feeling

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. Songs and lyrics belong to their respective artists. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**Dangerous Things**

* * *

Friday came around fast. This week had been the most exciting week of, I was beginning to realize, my short existence.

I had spent most of the week with Edward Cullen, and it was amazing. I felt like I had learned more in this week than I had in all my schooling. This probably wasn't true, but I doubt school would ever teach me that my blood was irresistible to vampires, or that vampires even existed.

When I changed in the morning to get ready for school, I saw a small, round bruise on my thigh where I had essentially and inadvertently thrown a rock at myself. I rubbed it lightly. Nice souvenir, I thought.

Edward picked me up and the stereo was playing The Eels' "Fresh Feeling" as he drove us to school, and I listened to the lyrics and thought how true they felt.

I had pretty much given up on trying to avoid the other students' stares. It was impossible for Edward not to attract attention. He was tall and handsome, and he moved with inhuman grace.

Yet, I slowly realized that people couldn't really see him. Or his siblings, for that matter. They looked, sure. Some with long, lingering stares filled with yearning, but there was something off about it, like it wasn't earnest. I noticed people either looked at them with faraway dreamy looks or with unease.

I had to include myself in those categories. I had to admit I had been enraptured by the Cullens' beauty. And then I had become wary of Edward's reactions to me.

He parked the car in the student parking lot in his usual spot. His brothers and sisters were already here standing by their car next to Edward's. We stepped out of the car and I saw the normal glances our way, especially since all the Cullen children were present.

The rest of the Cullen clan looked in our direction. Rosalie had her usual stern face when she watched me. Emmett looked perfectly content next to her. I saw Jasper look at me with a slight scowl and turn his face away. Alice who was holding Jasper's hand used her free one to wave at me with glee.

I waved back. I couldn't help smiling looking at her adorably happy face. Edward was standing slightly in front of me with his back turned to me. I couldn't see the expression on his face but I thought I saw a sideways tilt of his head toward the school. Alice lost her smile and stuck her tongue out at him. The group started walking through the lot to the entrance. Some of the students' eyes turned to watch them.

I decided to ask him about it. "Why do people look at you that way?" I looked out at our audience.

"What way?" He played dumb.

I humored him. "They look at you guys like they want to jump your bones or go hide under a rock."

He lowered his head and rubbed his neck. He looked at me and smiled shyly. "You noticed." Was that embarrassment I saw on his face? "It's a natural reaction. People are attracted to us, inexplicably drawn to us, but their instincts rightly tell them there's something bad about us." He lowered his voice and gravely said, "It's that voice that tells you to stay away from dark, deserted alleyways at night."

I looked at him with the same seriousness and said, "There's nothing wrong with you, except being extremely annoying."

He laughed. "Figures you wouldn't be afraid of the most dangerous things out there. You seem intent on doing the opposite of what's good for you."

"And _you_ know what's good for me?" I asked.

"Sure I do," he said confidently. I waited for him to continue, but he didn't. I gave him an impatient look. "Oh, I'm not going to tell you. Like I said, you'd just go and do the opposite."

I rolled my eyes at him.

He smiled, but I could see sorrow behind it. I always saw melancholy in Edward. To me, Edward was more than an idol or a demon. He was a person, with so much sadness in him. Every time I was near him, I could feel it oozing out of him.

I started walking toward school and he followed.

After English class, Jessica walked me to my locker and then to the cafeteria. We usually parted after class, each going to our own lockers and meeting back at lunch. I had a feeling she wanted some of the attention I was getting from the other kids since I started hanging out with Edward, which was fine with me. I would give her all of it if I could (without relinquishing my time with him, I thought selfishly).

Mike sat on my other side. He didn't say much to me lately. I felt bad that Mike disliked Edward. It must be that instinctual feeling Edward was talking about.

Mike walked me to class after lunch where Edward waited. My body unconsciously relaxed. I hadn't even realized I was tensed. I knew Edward would be here; I saw him just a few hours prior. I mean, he drove us here for goodness sake!

Why was I anxious when I wasn't with him? I wasn't used to feeling this way, ever. I didn't even really _need_ my father. We looked out for each other, but I was always pretty self-sufficient. And I never minded being alone. I hardly ever felt lonely or depressed.

And now here I was, worried my lab partner wouldn't be present in class. It was ridiculous.

I sat down and returned Edward's greeting. I had to go about as if nothing happened. These were my own hang-ups. No need to take it out on him.

After school, he gave me a few food choices and I selected a small taco stand some distance away. It seems he has been doing a lot of research on the best restaurants and places to eat. It paid off, because it was delicious.

We went for a walk and he started asking me questions right away. I didn't really like talking about myself but I tried my best.

I started by listing the last few places Phil and I moved to and how his job took us around. He asked me to start from the beginning.

I told him how my mother had died giving birth to me. My father took it really hard and took to drink. He had his mother to help with me until she died when I was still pretty young. Since then, we have been moving around with his jobs.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be. I'm perfectly fine, see?" I smiled with my arms out. And I was. I never wanted anyone's sympathy, which was why I didn't like telling people my life story. "I like moving around. It's kind of like starting over in a new place. I've seen so many different places and different states. And I want to travel the world in the future."

"The world is beautiful," he agreed. He told me about some of the places he's been to. The world was your oyster when you had immortality and money. I listened with awe and made mental notes of places that sounded particularly appealing for future reference.

I got up the courage to ask about his life before he turned – which I learned was the term they used to describe being made vampire.

He said he didn't remember clear details. It was a combination of foggy human memory, his life being simple and uneventful, and it being so long ago. He grew up relatively poor with his parents when they were hit by a flu epidemic.

"None of us survived, so to speak," he said. He told me how Carlisle had saved him, though he didn't feel that way at first. He had a hard time accepting what he became. I could tell he purposely didn't get too specific when he talked about this. He told me about how Carlisle saved Esme shortly after him, and then Rosalie then Emmett. Alice and Jasper found them later. He didn't say the circumstances of their turning, and I didn't pry figuring it was each their own story to tell.

I got some dinner for Phil and me, and Edward took me home. When we walked to the building door, he called my name.

"Bella, I've been waiting for you to ask me. You're not being a very good friend to Eric forgetting what you told him." I blinked in confusion. What did I tell Eric? "Aren't you going to invite me to breakfast tomorrow?"

"Oh," I remembered. "That's not fair. I didn't forget. I know you heard him. You're the one who didn't answer."

"I didn't answer because I was never asked."

"Seriously?" Is he trying to be annoying on purpose? I think he was. "Okay, Edward," I relented. "Do you want to get breakfast tomorrow with my friends?" Then I muttered, "Even though you don't eat. Or socialize."

"Why, Bella, how unexpected!" I couldn't not laugh. "I would like that."

My expression changed. "Really?"

"But I can't."

I wanted to strangle him. If I could touch him. And if I could actually do some damage.

"Do you like annoying me?" I already knew the answer.

"I really do," he laughed. "But I do have plans tomorrow. I have a hunting trip."

"Hunting?" I asked.

"Yes, hunting."

My eyes widened in realization. "Right, hunting."

"You should still go. I didn't mean what I said before about taking all your time. I want you to be able to do whatever you want." He paused. "I want you to be happy."

I am happy. Right now. Instead, I just said, "Thanks." I stood awkwardly with my head down while he looked at me. I managed to end the night. "Well, goodnight then. Happy hunting."


	12. Untrue

Featured Music: Sufjan Stevens - The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades is Out to Get Us!

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. Songs and lyrics belong to their respective artists. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**Untrue**

* * *

I woke up a little before 9 the next morning. I washed up and called Angela from my home line.

"Hey, Angela. It's Bella. Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, but is it too late to join you for breakfast?"

"Not at all. Good timing, actually. I'm about to leave my house in a few. Do you need me to pick you up?"

"No, I can meet you guys there," I said. I hadn't ridden my bike in days and I was looking forward to it.

"Are you sure?" Angela asked in a concerned voice.

"Yeah. I'll see you soon."

When I hung up the phone, I changed quickly and bundled up. I got my keys, wallet, and my iPod and headed out.

I unlocked my lately neglected bicycle and hopped on. I still had my wrist brace. My hand hardly bothered me at all now, and I was planning to stop using it before school on Monday, but I decided to keep it on till then just to be safe. Riding two-handed with it wasn't so bad, but I rode one-handed a good part of the way.

I had missed the freedom I felt riding on the damp, empty roads besides all these tall trees. I enjoyed the ride immensely more listening to my music. I had my player on shuffle and it played "The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades is Out to Get Us!" by Sufjan Stevens. I loved when the shuffle mode played a song that fit my mood at the time.

I reached town and rode to Tiffany's diner and locked my bike on a lamppost. I had never been inside before but I had seen it a few times on my trips to town.

I walked in and I spotted Angela waving to me from a booth in the middle of the diner. It was pretty full with customers. I walked over and sat next to Angela. Eric was sitting across from us and he greeted me with his usual friendly smile.

"Glad you could make it, Bella," he said.

"Yeah, me, too," I replied taking off my jacket. "Where's everyone else?"

"They all wanted to sleep in," answered Angela.

"Although Mike probably would've made it if he knew you were coming," Eric said smiling. "Maybe I should call him."

"Don't bother him if he's sleeping," I told him.

We looked at our menus. Everything sounded so good we couldn't decide, so we ordered a bunch of things to share. We got some quiche, a side of bacon and home fries, blueberry pancakes, a western omelette, and waffles with fresh blueberries, strawberries, and extra whipped cream, and orange juice to drink. We had gone overboard.

We were laughing about how we were going to eat it all when the diner got a tiny bit quieter. I looked up and saw Edward had just entered. He grabbed the attention of a flustered waitress and spoke to her briefly. Then he walked toward our table.

"Good morning, Bella. Angela, Eric." He was charming as ever. The other diners went back to their own conversations and the noise level picked up again.

The three of us were stunned quiet.

Angela finally spoke and greeted him back.

Then Eric gained his composure and gave him a, "Hey." He then, to my surprise, extended his hand to Edward.

To my bigger surprise, he took Eric's hand and shook it. Edward then extended his hand to Angela and she shook his. Their hands met in full view of me.

I swallowed my jealousy. I watched as his long, lean fingers wrapped around Angela's small hand and I wished it was mine he was touching now. I could imagine how cold and smooth, and firm and reassuring it would feel. I thought about how I would never know his touch again. My eyes followed up the contours of his arm across his chest to his face.

"You didn't tell us Edward would be joining us, Bella. We would've waited to order," offered Eric, sliding in the booth seat to make room for one more.

"I can't stay, I'm afraid," said Edward. "I have a previous engagement."

"The food should be out soon. We ordered more than enough if you want a quick bite," added Angela. I smiled at her inadvertent joke. Edward smiled politely.

"Yes, Edward, stay and eat some food with us," I egged him on. I gave him a knowing look.

"I must apologize. I have plans to eat with my brothers. In fact, they're displeased I have delayed them already this morning."

The waitress he spoke to when he entered walked over to us with a carry-out tray of cups with lids. He thanked her graciously while taking the cardboard tray from her while she battered her eyelids and giggled. She was a curvy middle-aged woman. I was sure he had made her day.

She told him he was most welcome and put her hand on his arm flirtatiously before she walked away reluctantly to a calling customer. Was everyone going to touch him today but me?

"I'm sorry, I must leave you now," he said. "Enjoy your breakfast. Bella, Angela, Eric," he nodded to each of us. He walked away to the cash register, paid, and exited.

I had a good view of the outside from my seat and I saw a police car roll up and park. I saw Chief Avery step out and Edward met him beside the car. I could see them talking and Edward offered the tray full of cups to the chief who accepted with both hands. I could see they were talking a bit more before they both got in their respective cars.

Our dishes covered our table and we dug into our delicious mini buffet. The portions were generous but the three of us managed to clear most of the plates. We enjoyed our conversations along with our food. I had to admit, it wasn't as exciting without Jessica's enthusiasm and gossip, but Eric provided some updates that never lulled the atmosphere. It was actually pleasant and lighthearted without all the scandalous gossip.

When we finished, we asked for the bill and were told that it and the tip were already taken care of.

Edward. He could be very sneaky when he wanted to be.

"That was very nice of him," said Angela.

"Yeah, he must really like you, Bella," Eric added.

"No, he's just a generous person," I said, brushing him off. I was careful not to mention that he always bought me food. Maybe he was trying to fatten up the pig before slaughter, so to speak. Although, I don't think fatty blood would taste good, but who knows? Maybe he would start buying me vitamins next.

We decided to hang around town for a bit. We went to the bookstore and browsed for a bit. Then Eric had to leave, and Angela and I went to the little thrift store. We checked out a couple of other stores and then I treated us to some hot chocolate.

We talked a bit about school and our plans for colleges. She told me about her home life, especially her little brother. I could tell she was very fond of him and they were close. I told her how it was just me and my father; I usually told the bare minimum in concerns to family. I also told her how I liked moving around.

"Do you miss the places you've left?" she asked me.

"A little. But I get to see new places, meet new people. I could always visit again if I want." Not that I ever did.

"Do you keep in touch with all the friends you've made?"

I did not. But I thought it best not to tell her. I didn't make too many friends wherever I went. It wasn't that I couldn't, but I didn't really make the effort. And the friends I did make usually would forget about me after a few emails. I didn't keep a cell phone or join social networking sites. I liked being anonymous. I always have. I did my best to blend in and not be noticed. My plain features and average looks helped me do that. I would never be gawked at like the Cullens, and that was fine by me.

Then an idea hit me. I wondered if my knack for anonymity was responsible for my immunity to the Cullens. They couldn't smell my blood. Edward couldn't hear my thoughts. And Alice and Jasper, possibly others, couldn't detect me with their powers either.

But wasn't that what made me stand out to Edward in the first place? If he could read my mind, he might never have noticed me. And having this burning blood hardly made me invisible to him. I would have to bring this up with Edward. Maybe he can make better sense of this.

But that would come later. I answered Angela's question. "I hope to keep in touch with you." It was an evasive response.

"Me, too," she said earnestly. She really was sweet. I really did hope to remain friends with her. "Do you think you'll move again soon?"

"I don't think so. My father's working on a pretty big project that should last a while. And I'm turning 18 in the summer, so even if it doesn't I'll work something out to stay and finish high school here. It'll just be easier with all the college stuff, too."

"Wow, you sound so mature and responsible," she said.

"Really? I've been feeling pretty immature lately," I told her. I thought of Edward and all the joking and stumbling I did around him.

"Do you think you'll keep in touch with Edward? After high school, I mean," she sheepishly asked.

My eyes got bigger and I smiled. If anyone else had asked me, I would have been quick to brush it off but I was pleasantly surprised that Angela would ask me about a boy.

I took a deep breath. "I don't know. I hope so." I would always have to be careful what I said to anyone. I usually was, but knowing a mind reader made me paranoid.

"Because I think he does like you," she said. I almost spit out the hot cocoa I was drinking. Eric had essentially said the same thing, but when he said it I could take it as a tease. When Angela said it, it carried more weight. I knew she meant it.

I really had to be extra cautious. "I like him, too. He's a good friend." I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. Like he meant nothing to me. Like I was describing a golden retriever.

I changed the subject after that. I knew Angela was too smart not to notice what I was doing, but she didn't let on and I was thankful to her.

We parted ways a little after and I took the opportunity to pick up some groceries to take home. Phil and I were getting spoiled by all the take-out food Edward was lavishing on us.

That night, I lay on the sofa listening to music and thinking.

I knew Edward would find out about our conversation. Luckily, Angela and I did not talk much about him. But I worried how Angela interpreted it, because that's what Edward would be hearing.

I didn't want him thinking I wanted him. And I didn't want him thinking I thought he wanted me. This was getting confusing. But I couldn't let these things happen because if he thought either of these, his opinion of me would change. Then his actions and feelings toward me would change, too.

He had called me independent and unemotional, and now I was at risk of becoming just another infatuated girl following him around like a lovesick puppy. He's probably had thousands of those, and I stood out to him because I wasn't. If I changed that, maybe he wouldn't want to be around me anymore.

I had to make sure I acted like I didn't want him.

No matter how untrue it was.


	13. Butterflies

Note: Thanks to readers and reviewers. Hope this chapter is to your liking.

Featured Music: Radiohead - Creep; Fiona Apple - Valentine

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. Songs and lyrics belong to their respective artists. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 13**

**Butterflies**

* * *

Sunday had been a quiet day. I spent most of it doing chores like laundry, cleaning, and cooking. Phil left for the day and my iPod and Fiona Apple kept me company.

I tried desperately not to think about Edward, but doing mindless work ironically leaves a lot of room for thought.

I had concluded not to like Edward the same time I concluded I did.

I imagined all the ways to act indifferent towards him. I knew implementing this plan would be a whole other matter.

Monday morning came and I was ready. When I stepped outside the building, Edward was there waiting for me.

I felt a flutter in my stomach. My resolve faltered.

Why did he have to look exceptionally beautiful today? Or was I just looking at him through different eyes? Eyes of desire and heartbreak.

I stood by the door. My stomach wanted to lurch me forward but my legs stayed true.

After what seemed like an hour, Edward started walking towards me away from his car. I quickly knelt down and unlocked the chain to my bike.

Edward was quicker. I saw his shoes and legs stopped near me while I clumsily and loudly unwrapped the chain from the bike. I kept my eyes on his shoes as I stood up. I needed time to prepare myself to look into his eyes.

I could've had a hundred years to ready myself and I still wouldn't have been prepared for his piercing eyes. I felt another, stronger flutter in my stomach.

His eyes, his beautiful golden eyes, looked pained.

I closed my eyes and swallowed. I opened them back up and raised my left hand to show him it was brace free.

"I'm sorry you came all this way, but I didn't know your number to call to let you know that I want to ride my bike to school."

He took a step back. "Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Everything's fine," I said casually. "Riding it on Saturday made me realize how much I missed it. I hope you understand."

He blinked a couple times and nodded. "I don't suppose you'd let me drive alongside?"

I gave him a look. He smiled and said, "I didn't think so." We stood in silence for a few seconds. "I'll see you in school, then." I watched him leave before I started my journey. I listened to Radiohead's "Creep" on the way.

When I reached school I noticed Edward's car in the lot, empty. I went inside to my locker then to class.

No Edward. I had gotten used to him driving me then walking me to my first classroom. I felt alone in a hallway full of people.

I wanted him to walk me to all my classes, and I had driven him away from the one class he did walk me to. Serves me right, I guess. I didn't know exactly what I had done to deserve this, but the pain felt well-deserved. And the punishment kept coming.

In English class, Jessica seemed to be mad at me, or just mad. I couldn't tell because she didn't say a word to me, and I didn't have the energy to care. I was using all of it to control the fluttering in my chest. It was beginning to ache.

I could hardly pay attention to what anyone was discussing in class. I just knew I would see him soon. I felt so anxious, I thought I was vibrating and hoped no one could see it if I really was.

When the bell rang, I practically ran out of class. I walked as fast as I could without actually breaking into a run to my locker and then to the lunchroom. I slowed when I was just outside and gained my composure. I entered, my eyes immediately directed toward the Cullen table.

There he was, sitting alone at his table. I exhaled in relief. But the relief was brief. He stood up and walked toward me, and the flutters started again. They seemed to be multiplying as the day went on.

When he reached me, we walked together to the lunch line without saying a word to each other. He slid the tray down and I put a few items on it without really looking at what they were. When we got to the end he paid for me, and I let him without protest.

He carried my tray to my table for me where everyone sitting stopped to stare. He said hello to the table, then specifically called Angela, Eric, and Jessica by name. Jessica seemed especially ecstatic about this shout out. I could tell he was rolling out the charm. I knew his demeanor changes well by now. Then he said bye and walked to his table where his siblings had arrived and sat.

Jessica started talking to me again.

The only person who seemed to disapprove was Mike, though even he didn't seem too unhappy. Edward's charm must be really potent.

Mike and I walked to class where Edward was sitting at our table. When I went to sit down, I hit the table leg with my foot and almost tripped over my chair. Edward was up immediately with his arms out. It was a good thing I didn't actually fall or he might have caught me. We both had long sleeved shirts on, but our hands might have touched.

I wondered if touching over clothes was just as dangerous. I would have to ask him later.

I laughed awkwardly at myself and we both sat down. I was blushing from embarrassment.

"I'm really not normally clumsy," I whispered to Edward.

He smiled. "I know. You just like to make things difficult for me," he whispered back.

"I guess I do."

I was finally able to participate in gym class, so I couldn't do my homework in it anymore. When school ended I went to my locker to get my books. I wondered if I should look for Edward to tell him I would be working in the library, but I decided against it. He was a smart guy, he could figure it out. Besides, I didn't want to give the flutters any more ammunition.

It was harder than usual for me to concentrate on my homework so it took me longer. When I finished, it was getting dark while I rode home. I listened to "Valentine" by Fiona Apple on the ride.

Edward was waiting for me at the apartment building entrance.

I managed not to crash.

He locked my bike for me, and I noticed a brown bag on the floor.

"Dinner," he answered before I could guess. "I got you something else, too. Now, really think about it before you say no."

He pulled out a cell phone from his pocket.

"I can't," I said, not heeding his plea. "Food is one thing, Edward, but this is too much."

"It's already paid for and I'm not taking it back. I put Carlisle's and my information in it. You can add your friends'. You don't have to use it, just keep it for emergencies, or you know, to tell me you don't need a ride." He held it out for me.

"I'm sorry about this morning, but you could've just told me your number." I was displeased.

"This is better, Bella, and you know it." His hand with the phone hadn't moved.

I scrunched up my face and twisted my body in reluctance. I growled in frustration and took the phone. I would've snatched it from his hand in annoyance but I couldn't risk accidentally touching him.

He smiled. "Finish your work okay?" he asked. "I can help you with anything you need. I could even help you over the phone," he had to add.

I know I took a little longer than usual today, but I was distracted. He didn't know that and I wasn't going to tell him, but was he trying to imply I couldn't handle the material?

I scrutinized his face. I decided he was being sincere. "Because you've done it all before. How many times have you done this?"

"Too many."

I realized he and the others went through all this as a sort of ritual, a ceremony to be more human, but, "Doesn't it get boring? I mean, I get bored and it's my first time."

He laughed. "College gets better."

"I bet you have a lot of degrees." I realized he must be infinitely smarter than me. Great. The gap between us widened yet more.

"I do."

"So why do high school at all?"

He locked me in his gaze. "It's not all bad. I met you, didn't I?" He brushed a strand of my hair behind my shoulder.

A thousand butterflies fluttered their wings inside me searching for an escape. Except, there was no way out as they battered their fragile wings against my insides sending heartbreaking tingles through every nerve of my body. I could barely contain them anymore. They were going to ravage me. I wanted to wrap my arms around myself and curl into a ball to keep from shattering.

"Thank you for the food and phone," I stammered. I had to get away from him before I broke down.

I grabbed the bag and clumsily opened the building door, flying up the stairs to my apartment door. I fumbled with the keys before dropping them. I snatched them up and fumbled some more. I had to take a deep breath to stop myself from breaking the key off in the lock.

I got inside and walked toward the window, hiding myself from view. It became our ritual for him to wait to see me in the window before he drove off.

I took a deep breath and drew back the curtains. I saw him down there looking up. But he didn't leave. We both stood in our spots.

Go, I willed him. But he didn't.

My heart beat faster. Why was he torturing me?

I had failed miserably keeping my feelings from him just then. I was sure he could see through my attempts to act indifferent. I couldn't control my heart rate, my blushing, my unsteady breathing – all things he could easily sense.

Now, he was refusing to leave. He must be trying to rub it in. He overpowered me. Or he was disappointed I would fall for him so easily like the others had.

Or he just didn't want to leave _me_...

I knew now where these butterflies had come from. They were born from hope. Hopeless hope. I knew he couldn't want me the way I wanted him, yet there it was, this tiny light inside me that willed it to be true. The little girl in me that thought if I wished and dreamed, was good and true, I would be rewarded.

I should know better.

He doesn't like me. He could never like me. He wants my blood, not me. He deserves someone infinitely better. He deserves someone beautiful and smart. He deserves someone he can touch.

Ha! That last one made me laugh. That's right, I couldn't even touch him. How could we have a relationship (not that that was possible in the first place) without touching? We could never hold hands, we could never kiss, we could never...

I walked away from the window, from Edward. I didn't look back out.

That seemed to quell the butterflies down. But it was replaced by a different pain. My heart ached. I don't think I knew I had a heart that could break before. I knew I had a heart that pumps blood and keeps me alive. And now my heart was tearing and hurting me.

This new pain was worse than the butterflies. I didn't like it.

I laid down on the sofa to console myself. Was it so bad that I liked Edward? Was it still bad if I went in knowing my feelings were unrequited. I would only hurt myself in the end. Does a punch to the gut hurt less if you see it coming? If you prepare yourself? Could the joy I felt around him outweigh the heartache later? Could I endure it?

I took out the new cell phone from my pocket and I twirled it in my hands, thinking, weighing my options.

I could only see the immediate future and the pleasure I would feel from Edward's company. Desiring from beside him was better than liking from afar. I couldn't fully understand beyond that. I knew that pain was coming. My mind just couldn't imagine how much. I acknowledged the inevitability, but I had never known heartbreak and had nothing to draw from. My mother was dead, but I had never known her or a mother's love. I know I couldn't grieve properly.

Edward had questioned whether one can miss something he's never had. Could I miss Edward if I never have him?

And I would only have the opportunity to see him for a year and a half. How much trouble could I get into in less than two years?

I decided I could endure it.

I checked the time on the cell phone. Quite a bit of time had passed. I had been thinking for a while. But I knew Edward would not be asleep. He would never be asleep.

I clicked for the contacts list. Edward was number one on speed dial. I smirked. I pressed the button.

It barely rang, when he answered, "Bella? Are you okay?"

A butterfly fluttered its wings.

"I'm fine," I told him. "Are you going to answer like that every time I call?"

"I don't know. I might have to with you."

"Funny. I'm not some damsel in distress, you know. I've done fine till now." Till you came into my life.

"I wouldn't have to answer like that if you called me often," he said.

The fluttering multiplied.

"I guess we'll see." I couldn't tell him I'd call him everyday if he wanted. "I called to ask if you were going to pick me up tomorrow."

"Would you like me to?" he asked.

I'd like you to do a lot of things.

"Yes?" It came out like a question. I guess I did a good job of sounding unsure. I was anything but.

"I'll see you in the morning then, Bella."

"Okay."

"Sweet dreams." Flutters.

"Good night." I hung up. The butterflies were worked up again. Damned things. I wanted to stomp all of them dead.


	14. Unsure

Note: I know my other story has fallen by the wayside, but I've been very busy and I really feel like I have no time to write. But this story I have written a lot of already so I'm able to update. Please be patient with "The Accidental Nanny," and hopefully if you read both, this will sort of make the wait bearable. Thanks for reviews.

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 14**

**Unsure**

* * *

The butterflies became my unwanted and constant companions.

Edward and I had pretty much returned to our old routine, but with some changes.

He would pick me up in the mornings and we would go for our walks after school. We discussed all sorts of things, not just about vampires. He seemed intent on learning mundane details about me and I was intent on learning about his long history. I could tell, though, he was careful to keep certain information from me. It made me madly curious but I thought it best not to press my luck. He could, after all, decide not to tell me anything.

But as time went by, I began to feel that wouldn't be so bad either. I was full of questions and I would besiege him with them; and then sometimes we would just walk side by side for long periods of silence. The quiet was just as exquisite as when we were talking and laughing.

When the weather was especially cold, we would go to a restaurant. We would order two meals and I took his uneaten one home for Phil. I hardly cooked at all anymore. I spent most of my free time with Edward. We even spent some of our weekends together when he wasn't hunting.

I wasn't staying after school in the library to do my homework so I would start working on it at home at night. I didn't like it at first, but I got used to it. I didn't want him reducing our time together. I tried to save my yawning for when I wasn't around him.

This went on for a couple of wondrous weeks. But it wasn't exactly ideal. Sometimes I would catch myself wanting to reach out for his hand or to embrace him in a hug. I secretly and carefully studied his features and committed them to memory. I embarrassingly became obsessed with his lips. These were the times the butterflies became especially excitable.

It was nearing the end of January and Edward asked to meet with me that Saturday. We had met on Saturdays before, but I could tell there was something different about this time. He seemed more serious, more nervous. It wasn't something I picked up easily, but I liked to think I had his face so well memorized that even the slightest movement I could sense. And his movements were usually slight, especially his change in facial expressions.

His nervousness became my nervousness. All sorts of ideas went running through my head. Was he going to tell me he no longer wanted to hang out with me? I couldn't imagine why he would be nervous about telling me that. He could just tell me on the spot in front of everyone, if he wanted. Everyone, including me, would understand.

Perhaps he knew I was getting attached and felt guilty. Had I shown all my cards too soon? I hoped I hadn't made him uncomfortable. I didn't think I had, but perhaps I wasn't as perceptive to his moods as I had imagined.

I was never so insecure and unsure of myself as I was with him, and all these new worries drove me crazy. When Friday rolled around, I was desperate for an excuse not to meet him the next day. I couldn't ask Angela or anyone else to hang out with me because I had already agreed to meet Edward, but I begged in my head for them to ask me for an emergency favor.

No one did.

That night, I was left with such a variety of mixed signals from Edward that I spent a sleepless night trying to interpret and make sense of them. He was attentive one moment then seemed distracted and lost in thought the next. He seemed eager to be elsewhere and I asked him if he had other plans, to which he replied that he didn't till later. I was tempted to demand he tell me then and there what it was he wanted to say, but I deftly managed to convey I was tired and wanted an early night.

He profusely apologized asking if it was him that made me want to go home, but I told him it had been a long week. He did seem genuinely sorry, but when he brought me home, I thought I could also sense he was relieved to leave me.

I tossed and turned that night. I had overestimated my time left with him. When I decided I would do what it took to stay friends with him, I didn't think it would end so soon. It hadn't even been a month.

I tried to prepare myself, telling myself that it was better this way. The sooner I realized the inevitability, the sooner I could get over it. The less I was attached to him, the easier it would be to move on. My brief time with him was more than anyone else at our school had. I was lucky.

I was lucky and I was special. I think it was these thoughts that led me to have the dream that I had.

I dreamt that I was walking in a dark forest. I wasn't sure where I was going or if I was lost, but I wasn't scared. I just kept walking. Then I felt something grab my hand.

I jumped from being startled and pulled my hand, but the thing held on. I saw it was another hand that was in mine. It was attached to an arm in dark clothing and I looked up to see Edward. His pale skin was like a light in the darkness. He smiled. His hand was warm in my cold hand. He held it tighter and led me further into the forest.

That's when I woke up. It was a tease of a dream. But I was glad to have it. At last I held his hand, if only in a dream.

It was still dark out but I was too awake to go back to sleep. If I slept again, I might never want to wake up. I took my time getting ready, taking an especially long, hot shower. I usually let my hair air dry, but I had some time and it was chilly so I blow-dried my hair. I had a simple breakfast of eggs and toast. Then I brushed my teeth again. I was washing up and brushing my teeth constantly lately because of Edward. I knew his sense of smell was superb which only made me paranoid about body odors. Well, I guess I wouldn't have to worry much about that after today. I could lounge around and be sloppy.

I sat around waiting and thinking. I think I was thinking too much. I was getting myself worked up. I couldn't wait to hear what his explanation to stop talking to me would be. Who was he to set rules on our friendship? I was tempted to tell him off myself at this point. Of course, I really had no right and I would never begrudge him, but trying to be angry at him made me feel like I had some control over the situation.

I had been checking the time constantly before when I got caught up thinking about how to be mad at Edward and lost track of time. It was a few minutes past our meeting time and I ran to the window to look. Edward, of course, was outside waiting. He even lifted his hand up to me.

I ran out the apartment and down the stairs. When I got to the main doors, I stopped to catch my breath. No need to look flustered. I opened the door to what was waiting for me outside.

Edward drove us somewhere local. We usually went somewhere further away, but maybe he would make this quick, like ripping off a bandage and didn't want a long, awkward drive back. Not that it wasn't an awkward trip there. We were both quiet in the car.

He drove to a little clearing with only room for a couple cars. He parked on the level, dirt and gravel path. When we got out, he went to the trunk and opened it. He opened a shoe box with a pair of small boots.

"Those look a little small for you," I told him.

He smiled and made a face. "We're going up that mountain," he pointed up, "and it's a long, snowy hike."

"Well, then it's a good thing I have sneakers on," I said.

"These are better. Sit," he patted the edge of the trunk.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. He could be so stubborn and I wasn't going to waste my energy arguing with him for the last time over shoes – I would save it for later.

I sat down and slipped off a shoe and tossed it in the trunk. Edward brought the boots on the ground by my feet. I squeezed my foot in and took the other sneaker off. While I was putting my foot in the other boot, Edward tightened and tied the laces of the boot my foot was in. Then he tightened and tied the other one. I thought this was what Cinderella must have felt like with Edward kneeling before me at my feet. He had even gotten my size perfectly. And the boots were so warm and comfortable.

He led the way through the trees on our hike. There was no trail and the path he was going got steep at certain points, but I held my own. Or at least I tried to. I had to hold onto some branches and pull myself at times, but Edward went slowly and I could tell he was going the least treacherous way.

One time when we had gone up a fair amount, I was walking up a hilly area and he held a hand out for me. I was caught off guard and looked at him but I saw no sign of regret. I grabbed a sturdy branch instead.

I didn't know what he was thinking proffering his hand like that to me, but I at least had my wits about me. I could tell the gentleman in him wanted to help me whenever there was a particularly troublesome area, but he didn't offer his hand again.

We traveled farther up the side of the mountain in silence. It was colder and there were spots of snow. I could have gone faster, but I was very aware these could be my last moments alone with him and I drew it out by going exceptionally slow.

"Are you tired? Should we take a rest?" he asked.

"No, I'm fine," I told him. "I was just enjoying the hike and the scenery." I hurried along after that. He was not on the same wavelength of wanting to draw out our time together as me.

"I bet you can run up here in a flash, huh?" I asked him.

He just smiled in reply, and I saw just how bright and golden his eyes were today. Or maybe my vulnerable mind was playing tricks on me, wanting to hold onto this image of him.

We had been walking for what must have been hours. It seemed longer because he was leading me on a less direct but less steep winding route.

I was beginning to wonder why he wanted to take me so far up just to tell me he didn't like me. Perhaps to give me a bigger fall, so to speak. I couldn't say it wasn't at least poetic.

Was he going to abandon me up here? No, Edward wasn't the type to do that. But it was going to be hell of an awkward trip back down. At least I knew it was going to be faster going down than coming up.

"Are we almost at the top?" I asked.

"We're not going all the way to the summit," he said.

"Oh?" As I said this, I tripped on a rock that was hidden under some snow and I started falling forward. Edward grabbed my hand and I was able to regain my balance. As soon as I did, I immediately pulled my hand back from his.

I looked into his eyes for any changes, any signs that he was angry and was going to attack me. I saw none.

It was like in my dream, except he didn't keep hold of my hand and he wasn't warm. And he didn't smile.

Instead, he said, "We're here."

I didn't even have time to wrap my head around what just happened. He started walking ahead and I followed, as if mesmerized. His back silhouette was emphasized by a glow. He walked towards the light a few yards away and he stepped onto the edge of a clearing.

I blinked to adjust to the light and stepped past him into the clearing.

I saw that it was a fairly large and level area on the side of this mountain. There was snow covering parts here and there, and where it wasn't were patches of dirt and discolored grass. I even heard a low sound of water running off by the farther end. The brightness came from the few rays of sun that shone in the clearing and where the snow was reflecting it back.

"I wanted to share with you this spot I visit to think and be alone sometimes. It doesn't look like much now, but I think you'll like it when spring arrives."

"I don't understand," I said, my back still turned to him. I was confused. "You'd like me to come back here?"

"Yes," he said in a hesitant way.

"I don't know if I could find this place again by myself. And why would you ask that if you come here to be by yourself?" I turned to face him with a quizzical look.

"Bella, I'm not asking you to make your way back here by yourself. You'd probably fall off the side somehow," he smiled, hesitantly, looking at me. "I'm asking you to come back with me."

"Oh." I must have seemed real stupid. He wasn't trying to stop being my friend. In fact, he was making plans for the future with me. I had imagined his acting strangely towards me. "Oh," I said again in relief.

"That is, if you can stand being near a monster," he added with concern.

"Edward, you're not a mons-"

He stepped forward and held his hand up to stop me from continuing. He took another step but it was slow and reluctant.

His movement was unsure. Were his movements ever unsure? No, something was wrong.

He stepped yet closer to me and I noticed his skin was brighter. He took one final step and his body was the closest to me since he saved me from the truck. But what struck me more was that he was sparkling. He was standing in the sunlight now and his face and neck were glittering like millions of tiny facets of diamonds.

I gasped. He was blindingly beautiful.

I unconsciously raised my hand toward his face and stopped myself in time inches from his skin. But I couldn't get myself to lower it, away from him.

"Does it hurt?" I inquired.

"It will if you reject me," he said.

I managed to breathe, "What?" before the butterflies fluttered their wings inside me again with a force so strong I almost lost it.

He lifted his hand to cup my hand that was by his face and pulled it to his cold cheek. I forgot how to breathe and I blushed like I've never blushed before. "But I thought you couldn't touch me," I managed to whisper.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He opened his eyes and said, "I don't think I can _not_ touch you any longer."

Edward lowered his head towards mine. His beautiful golden eyes looked into mine more deeply than ever. I had looked into these same eyes before and had somehow fallen through. This time, I let myself get lost and closed my eyes.

His lips touched mine in the most tender way. Hope filled my body and released the butterflies. The sudden loss made me swoon, but he held me up with his arm.

I opened my eyes and saw him open his. They were darker than how I thought they were before, even in the light. With his left arm still behind my back, he put his right hand on my face and wiped my cheek with his thumb.

"You're crying," he said with gentle concern in his voice.

"I am? I'm happy," I told him.

"Me, too," he smiled. He kissed my cheek where he wiped away my tear. Then he kissed me lower on my cheek on the way to my mouth. He kissed me gently again. I couldn't resist even if I wanted to. I was his.

He slowly pulled away again, looking into my eyes. "I'm sorry, but this isn't easy for me. Your blood, it's... We're going to have to go slowly," he said in his low voice.

"Slow is good," I said. "We can do slow." I wanted him to kiss me again. I would've agreed to anything.

Edward's lips touched mine again and stayed there. They were cold but mine were warm enough for the both of us. I never wanted him to stop. If only eternity felt like this.

I put my arms around his neck and he wrapped his around my back and shoulder. I yearned for him and I moved my lips to taste more of him and he reciprocated.

Nothing existed but him. The world could have exploded around us and I wouldn't have cared. Let the world fade away, as long as I had him.

My whole body got warmer. We were kissing with more abandon. All the emotions I had wrapped up inside me, the doubts, the insecurities, the needing all poured from me as I kissed him. He seemed to match my intensity.

He pulled his hands to my face and gently but firmly pushed me away. We touched foreheads. "Slowly, please, Bella," he begged with shut eyes.

He kissed my forehead and I pushed it to his chest in an embrace.

"Sorry," I said into his chest, embarrassed. "I got carried away."

"So did I," he said, hugging me. He kissed the top of my head.

We stood there, locked together, for a while. Then he pulled away and led me by the hand to a big rock where he took off his jacket for me to sit on. He sat down next to me. I didn't think I stopped blushing since he first kissed me.

"Is it worse when I blush?" I asked.

He gently pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear with his fingers. Then he took his fingers to my cheek and gently brushed them against my pink skin. "I'll get used to it," he said.

My face felt warmer. I felt flattered and ashamed at the same time. I covered my face with my hands and I pulled my knees up to try and hide myself further. It wasn't fair that he should have to try so hard to bear to be around me.

"I'm sorry," I muttered through my cupped hands.

"Don't be," I heard him say. "I like a challenge."

I lifted my head up to look at him. I thought he couldn't mean it, but I was grateful to him just the same. I took a few more seconds to look at him and I leaned back, put my head on his shoulder, and closed my eyes.

I was getting bolder.

We stayed this way for a long time. He was very still except for his steady breathing. I was very aware of how stone-like he was as I tried my hardest not to fidget too much. I wanted to seem graceful but I was all too aware I was not and I was sure he knew too. There was no point in fighting it, so I let myself be, and that was when I was the most relaxed and calm. I think I even managed to doze off for a bit.

After all the climbing and kissing and being still, a lot of the day had passed. The sun was lowering and it was getting colder. I forced myself to pull away from Edward. I jumped off the rock and headed toward the end of the clearing. We had a long way to go back down.

I turned around and Edward was directly behind me when I expected him to still be by the rock. "You're going to have to stop sneaking up on me like that," I scolded. He lifted my chin up and stole a kiss. "What would you have done if I refused you?" I teased. This was not a possibility, of course.

"I think I would have had to leave."

"Leave?" This was not an answer I had thought of as an option. "Leave where?" Leave the mountain? Leave Forks? I was so afraid of the answer, I couldn't ask directly.

"You're not refusing me, are you? I'm not going anywhere."

I still felt a little panicked. He could leave me so easily. I had just found him and he could literally disappear before my eyes if he so chose.

"I know, Bella, that you like doing things on your own, but if you'll allow me, we can get down quickly and get you some food. You must be starving by now. Do you trust me?"

I was still distracted by my thoughts when he held up his hand, so I didn't think twice about giving him mine.

As soon as our skins touched, he grabbed my hand and twisted his body so that his back embraced me and lifted me up in a flash. My arms were wrapped around his neck and his arms supported the back of my knees. "Hold tight," he instructed.

We moved at incredible speeds as I clung to his back. I closed my eyes tight and let out a shriek at first as we traveled headlong down the side of the mountain. With my eyes closed, I could feel the wind whipping at my face and the gravity pulling me as he ran and jumped below me. I was so frightened at first because it felt like I was falling and I was sure I would hit the ground or a tree but I didn't feel a scratch. I opened one eye to take a peek and closed it again when I caught a blur of trees heading toward me. When nothing happened, I opened both eyes this time slowly and saw we were moving so fast it was like falling. I squeezed Edward tighter when it looked like he was heading straight for a tree but it looked like it disappeared at the last possible moment. He was weaving in and out between the trees and jumping down slopes like it was nothing. But this didn't prevent me from still reacting and letting out little screams every time it looked like we were going to crash into something.

Pretty soon the ground seemed to be leveling and I knew we had to be near the bottom. When we were in viewing distance of the car, he slowed down and eventually stopped to let me down. I felt like the ground was moving. And the muscles in my body were making me shake from holding onto him so tight.

I looked up to try and see how far we had come down. He took minutes what took me hours to get up. I was on an adrenaline high. "That was crazy," I said as I ran my hand through my hair and let out a incredulous laugh.

We got in the car and he turned up the heat to warm me up. He started driving at his usual high velocity, but everything felt different. My whole world had changed. I didn't mean to but I was staring at Edward's face as he drove. I was afraid if I took my eyes off of him, he would turn out to be a figment of my imagination. But I was sure, even in my best dream or imagining I couldn't come up with a better Edward than the real thing.

He took us to a restaurant and he opened the door for me to enter. Ever the gentleman vampire. It was still early for dinner so only a few of the tables were occupied.

The hostess was a pretty, tall blonde and she put on a friendly smile when we walked in. Edward stepped closer to her and said something to her in a low voice. She nodded, grabbed a couple menus, and led us to a booth table at the back of the restaurant. I thought she turned around to look at Edward more times than she needed to lead us there. I didn't blame her. This was how things usually were when we went to restaurants, though I didn't really have a claim on him prior to this.

I thanked her as I sat and she informed Edward our waitress would be with us shortly and to let her know if he needs anything else. As far as she was concerned, I could be invisible. I still couldn't blame her. I smiled.

I took my menu and looked through the list. I should ask Edward to ask our hostess what's good here. She'd probably never leave our table side.

"Do you know what you'd like?" Edward asked after a few minutes. He was looking at me.

"Mm, I think I'll have the gnocchi and the chicken parm," I said looking back at the menu. I always chose two dishes when we dined in.

The waitress then came by with the water and a big smile.

She introduced herself to us though she mainly looked at him, and asked, "Can I start you off with drinks?"

He looked to me for an answer. "I'll have an iced tea," I told him so he could tell her. He raised two fingers to indicate to how many. Then he told her we would like the two dishes I mentioned.

"Good choices," she told him eagerly. He looked at me and smiled. She repeated the hostess's sentiments about calling her if needed and took some time before she left.

I chuckled. "Is it always like that?" I asked him when we were finally free of his adoring fans. I think vampires must have some sort of hypnosis technique.

"Like what?" he asked innocently. Yeah, right. There's no way he's never noticed.

"Oh, come on," I said urging him on to be straight with me.

"What do you mean, Bella?" he asked with the sweetest playful look. Was he trying to hypnotize me as well? He didn't need to try but nonetheless I think it was working, as I lost my train of thought and just stared at him.

The waitress interrupted my reverie into Edward's eyes just then and put our drinks on the table. Edward thanked her and she rambled on about the food being ready soon and some other stuff. I took my iced tea and took long sips till she left.

"Like that," I said.

"Oh, I think she was just being polite," he replied.

"Yeah, I bet people are _real_ polite to you." I looked over to the hostess by the door and she was looking in our direction. I wondered what she was thinking although I could have a good guess. Edward would know for sure. I had a small urge to ask him. Instead, I just turned my head down and said nothing. I could tell he was looking at me.

The day had been a crazy one. It was dark outside now and just a few hours ago, we were outside on some mountainside doing things I never thought would happen. And now we were in some restaurant, and I was starting to question whether the events earlier had really occurred.

As if he had read my mind, Edward reached out and put his hand on mine. My eyes instantly went to his face. Just when I felt like I was going to float away on uncertainty, he pulled me back and grounded me.

I wondered if he would always do that for me.

We looked at each other, not saying a word when the food came. I was pretty hungry by then and I dug in, first into the gnocchi then cutting some chicken parmigiana pieces while Edward watched me eat.

I was never self-conscious about my eating. I loved food. And I was lucky enough to be blessed with a high metabolism that I never really had to watch what I ate. Which was good, because I often did not watch what I ate. It has always been easier to buy fast food or microwavable dinners than to cook healthy meals when time and money were hard to come by. It wasn't the kind of food I loved to eat but I tried to indulge in gourmet food when I could. And with Edward around, I was certainly exploring all sorts of foods.

It bugged me at first when Edward would just stare while I stuffed my face. I never cared before when other people looked. They often wondered where the food went as I always managed to stay on the slim side. But when Edward watched, he never questioned or wondered. In fact, I would almost say he enjoyed watching me eat, and that made me self-conscious because I knew he was studying me.

But I got over it. I enjoyed food too much to be distracted, even by him, for too long.

It had been a long day and I hadn't eaten since my modest breakfast. My body was too wrapped up in my emotional roller coaster ride today to notice the hunger that had built up until I was devouring the dishes. I had finished big portions of both dishes and both iced teas.

"Did you enjoy the food?" he asked, with raised eyebrows and a smile.

I blushed with embarrassment. "I was so hungry, I guess I forgot to taste it," I joked back.

"Do you like home-cooked meals?" he asked me.

"I think you know by now that I like all foods." I wiped my mouth with my napkin. I lifted my water glass to take a sip.

"Would you like to come over to my house for lunch tomorrow with my family?" he asked casually.

I choked on my water. I coughed a couple times into my napkin.

He looked concerned at my reaction. "Or not. No pressure," he said.

I took another sip of water to clear my throat. I gulped hard and stalled. "You want me to meet your family?" I asked stupidly. That's what he just said, wasn't it?

Our server came by just then to ask how we were doing. I thought I detected a slight tinge of annoyance in Edward, but it quickly faded as he asked her to wrap up the leftovers and ordered an appetizer to take out. She made some comments I wasn't really paying attention to and she took our plates away when Edward finally managed to dismiss her, in what I thought was a bit rude way for his style. I remembered he could be quite cold when he wanted.

When she was gone, he turned to me warmly, very different from the way he was to her, and said, "I assure you your safety if you came over."

My safety? It took me a second to realize why he would have to guarantee my safety in his house. He was so real to me that sometimes I forgot that he was something unreal.

I smiled. "I wasn't even thinking about that," I said. My smile faded. "I don't know if they'll like me," I admitted.

Edward looked relieved. He smiled confidently. "I know they'll like you. You've already met most of them. You have nothing to worry about."

I felt boosted by his confidence, but I wasn't totally convinced. I didn't have much experience with family. My family consisted of Phil. He wasn't a bad father, but I knew we weren't a typical family. You could almost say we were more like roommates than father and daughter. I have met friends' and other people's families, of course, but I always felt a little awkward and like an outsider peering in around them.

And I knew how mothers felt about their sons. "I haven't met your mother," I reminded him. She was the one I was most worried about.

"She's the one who wants to meet you the most," he said. That's what I was afraid of. He saw my expression and added, "She likes you already."

"How can she?" I burst out. I imagined a protective mother bear growling at me. I was the human endangering her family by having furrowed out this secret of theirs.

He seemed taken aback a little by my worried outburst. He pointed a finger to his temple and said, "I know."

I pouted. I couldn't really argue with that, and I couldn't really accuse him of lying.

He picked up my hand and sandwiched it between his. "Bella, if you're not ready to meet them, I completely understand. I want you to do what you want."

Is this reverse psychology or what? It's not like I didn't want to meet them. In fact, I was madly curious about them and to see where Edward came from. I just wasn't ready for the reality. In my mind, I was smarter, more sophisticated, and pretty enough to be at the level to associate with them. I guess that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

I sighed. "No, I really would like to meet them. I'm just a little nervous." I managed an unsure smile.

He kissed my hand. At least one of us seemed happy. Hey, who knew, maybe they would just tear me apart and I wouldn't have to deal with it. I smiled to myself. Edward looked at me curiously, but knew better than to ask.

He drove me home and walked me to the building door. He brushed my hair behind my shoulder and gave me a light kiss goodnight. Good thing I took a mint from the restaurant. He told me he would pick me up at noon the next day and we said our goodbyes.

I was going to have a big day tomorrow.


	15. Family Meeting

Featured Music: The Perishers - "Let There Be Morning"

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. Songs and lyrics belong to their respective artists. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 15**

**Family Meeting**

* * *

I woke up early and was too nervous for breakfast. I made sure to be extra thorough washing up in the shower. I ended up smelling incredibly of fragrance from all the cleansing products and I knew this wasn't good either. I hoped it would wear off a bit before Edward came to pick me up. I even contemplated going for a quick ride outside on my bike to hasten the process but decided against it as I needed time to choose an outfit.

This came to be harder than I thought. I was never more fully aware of my lack of wardrobe as I was this morning. I suddenly had an occasion to care about what I wore and I was sorely unprepared. I tried on three different tops and two pants. In the end, I gave up and put on my favorite pair of jeans and the first shirt I tried on. I didn't know if I should be more formal but I figured a luncheon was casual enough. There was no way I could compete with the clothes the Cullen kids wore to school every day. Their worst fashion days would beat my best any day.

I didn't really care what their first impression of me would be (okay, I did a little), I just didn't want to embarrass Edward. I would have to try harder with my manners.

Phil was still asleep, so I tried to move around as quietly as a nervous person could. It was almost noon so I decided to wait outside to get some fresh air and avoid knocking something over and waking up Phil.

I took deep, slow breaths outside. I told myself it was going to be okay, that Edward would be beside me. He told me he wouldn't let anyone kill me, but I was hoping he would also not let me put my foot in my mouth or do something equally stupid.

This was going to be good, I told myself. I was going to meet Edward's family – the people who made him what he is, and he is such a wonderful person. They had to be wonderful, too.

Edward pulled up like the speed demon he is and got out to greet me. "I'm sorry I'm late. Why are you waiting outside?"

I looked at my watch. "You're not late. I just wanted some air."

He stood in front of me and smiled. He bent down and kissed me. I woke up so nervous that I had forgotten that Edward could touch me. How could I ever forget this?

I pulled away, with difficulty. "Phil might wake up and see us," I managed to speak.

"He's still sleeping, dreaming away," he assured me.

"You can see dreams?" I asked, astonished.

"Yes," he said, smiling. "They're... weird." It was my turn to smile. "I see them differently than thoughts. They're faster, and crazier, and I can't make sense of them most of the time. It's kind of trippy." We laughed. "I usually don't pay attention to them. Thoughts are easier to handle."

"What's Phil dreaming about?"

He had a faraway look. "I think, I think I see you." He looked at my face. "Or at least it looked like you. Like I said, dreams are hard to interpret."

I was caught by surprise. Though I shouldn't have been. I knew exactly what he was dreaming about.

"Let's go," I said.

When we got in the car, I asked Edward if we had time to stop by a flower shop.

"That's not necessary," he told me.

"Should I bring something else? I would really appreciate suggestions."

"I mean, you don't need to bring anything but yourself."

"But I want to," I persisted. "And it's not like I can bring anything edible. That kind of eliminates a lot of choices. And I'm not going empty-handed." I crossed my arms to let him know I meant business. "I mean, you know. You come from a time when manners meant something."

He let out a sigh. He made the next turn. He drove us to a little flower shop. We went in and were hit with the scent of flowers. It had been a long time since I smelled flowers like this. I longed for spring.

I ended up choosing a bouquet of tulips. Edward had the audacity to try and pay for them and I nearly chewed him out in the store. They were quite expensive but I managed to save a bit of money since Edward was buying me food all the time.

We finally made it to Edward's home – Edward's humongous home. I knew they were well-off, but their home was beautiful. It was hidden in an isolated part of the woods on the outskirts of Forks. It was big and modern and had huge glass windows everywhere. It made me think of glass houses and not throwing stones...

We got out of the car and we stood near it as I took in the view.

"You'll be great," he said, and gently gave me a peck on the cheek.

I blushed. Oh, great. Was he trying to make this harder for his family and me? I laughed nervously. "Stop," I giggled, as I tried to push him away from me unsuccessfully. He was smiling as he was giving me little kisses on my face.

He stopped suddenly and looked toward the house. I looked with him but didn't see anyone.

"Ready?" he asked.

I nodded and he led the way toward the steps.

He opened the front door and allowed me in. The house was immaculate inside, like from an interior design magazine. It was wide and open-spaced with high ceilings and lots of bright, warm light.

And to greet us were Emmett, Alice, Jasper standing some ways back, Doctor Cullen and a beautiful brown-haired woman who I took to be Mrs. Cullen.

I heard the door close behind me. Then Edward came to stand next to me. "Everyone, this is Bella. Bella, you know everyone here except my mother."

I looked at the woman who was smiling so beautifully and I couldn't help but to smile back. I didn't even have to fake it. "Mrs. Cullen," I said and I offered her the bouquet of tulips in my hands. "It's so nice to meet you."

"It's so lovely to finally meet you, my dear," she said with a friendly melodic voice. "Please call me Esme." She took the flowers and said, "Thank you. These are beautiful." She looked at Edward and back at me.

I looked to the man beside her and said, "Nice to meet you again, Doctor Cullen. Thank you again for looking after me at the hospital."

"Call me Carlisle, Bella." He extended his left hand for a handshake. I gave him the hand that mended and shook his. He took a second to examine my wrist with both hands and said, "I see you're doing better."

"Yes, all better," I smiled. I knew Carlisle could touch me and be okay because he had done so before. I would have to be careful about everyone else.

I raised my right hand at the elbow and gave an awkward wave and said a communal hello to Alice, Jasper, and Emmett.

Emmett said in a slightly raised voice, "Rose, Edward's girlfriend is here."

My eyes slightly widened at the word "girlfriend" and I turned my head to Edward to see his reaction.

But Edward was looking past everyone and took a step in front of me as if to shield me. I turned my head to the direction he was looking and felt a small gust of wind and saw Rosalie had appeared next to Emmett. She had her arms crossed and she did not look happy.

"Rosalie," acknowledged Edward.

"Hi," I said meekly behind Edward. Rosalie moved her eyes to me and smirked.

Nice to meet you, too, I thought.

I put my hand on Edward's arm to signal to him that I was okay and I didn't need him shielding me. I suddenly felt everyone's eyes turn to my hand on Edward. I instinctively took it off him. Was I not supposed to touch him in front of his family? Why didn't Edward warn me? Did he warn me and I forgot? Damn it, I couldn't remember all of a sudden. Two minutes in the house and I had already messed up.

I was taking a step to the side, away from Edward when he reached out and grabbed my hand. I think I heard a couple quick intakes of breath but I couldn't be sure. He pulled me back to his side. I blushed. I know I shouldn't have, but I really couldn't help it, could I?

I saw Jasper's lip go up in a slight snarl where he was standing in the back. I could sense Edward's body tense up. Alice looked back at Jasper and he took a couple steps back. Everyone seemed to be on high alert, including me. I wasn't sure exactly what was going on but I knew it wasn't good for me. I was pretty sure Jasper wanted to eat me, and I bet a couple others wanted to, too.

"Maybe I should go," I offered, uncomfortably. I didn't like that I was causing family tension. Edward held my hand tighter.

"Maybe you should," said Rosalie. Everyone looked at her, except Edward whose eyes were moving around at his family members.

I saw Esme look to Edward and then to Carlisle. She looked distressed.

"Nonsense," came a pert little voice. Alice moved to right in front of me quicker than I could see and wrapped her arms around me in a hug.

"Alice!" exclaimed several voices. It could have been all of them yelling, I couldn't tell.

Everyone was staring at us, in surprise, including Jasper who took several steps closer to us. But we were just hugging, or rather she was hugging me. I shook off Edward's hand and put my arms on Alice's small back.

She finally pulled away and said, "You do smell good," and smiled.

Edward who was closest to us, glared at her and angrily said, "Alice! What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't, as you know, dear brother" she giggled. "Oh, don't get your panties in a bunch!" she scowled. Even her anger was cute. "I told you today would go fine."

"You don't know that for sure," he roared back. That didn't give me a whole lot of confidence.

"I'm getting the hang of it. Besides, if anything happened to her, I'm pretty sure I'd be seeing you, and I still don't." She gave Edward a proud little smile.

Edward seemed to relax a bit once she stepped back from me. I was tempted to ask if anyone else wanted a hug as a joke, but I refrained myself. The tension seemed to be receding thanks to Alice.

"Bella and I are going to be great friends, I've decided," she added.

I laughed. Alice really knew how to press Edward's buttons. I liked that. I could tell Edward was very annoyed, but not angry anymore. "I think we are," I answered, not only to Alice but to Edward.

Alice beamed. She stuck her tongue out to Edward and then she zipped back to Jasper and leaned into him. They were talking to each other, but they were talking so low I couldn't hear. But there was something about the way they touched and looked at one another. I realized I only saw a tiny fraction of what they had together during school. In fact, I saw it with Emmett and Rosalie, and even Carlisle and Esme who I only saw just a few minutes together.

I wanted to hold Edward's hand again.

I didn't.

"Well, I'm going to put these in some water," said Esme. "Why don't you give Bella a tour of the house, Edward, and I'll call you when lunch is ready."

Edward gave his mom a peck on the cheek and he extended his arm to guide me the direction.

The Cullen house was lovely beyond words. I had never been inside a home so beautiful. I had been inside a couple big houses, but nothing so impeccable. I especially liked the living room. It was the only shared room that looked lived in. It was definitely the biggest area, with large leather couches and a huge flat screen television on the wall with multiple game systems near it. There was also a large table and a small table with a chess board with pieces. There was a baby grand piano on one side by the fireplace and a high tech stereo system. The only thing it needed was a kitchen sink.

I also liked the library which also served as Carlisle's office. It was huge and the walls were covered with shelves of books. There were a few paintings in there as well.

I noticed one with three, no four figures on a balcony on what appeared to be a mansion or castle. The three figures in the front all had varying long lengths of black, brown, and blonde hair. They looked pale and had dark eyes. It was not a portrait piece so the figures were seen from a distance. The fourth figure stood behind them in the background. He was also pale, but with short blonde hair and light eyes.

"Is that, is that Carlisle?" I asked squinting.

"Good eye," Edward said softly. He seemed completely relaxed now. "That was during his time in Volterra, Italy, with the Volturi. Before he had us. I'll tell you about the Volturi some other time," he said before I could ask.

It was always "some other time" with Edward. But I didn't feel like prying right now. I was having sensory overload today already.

We were walking down a big hallway when a head popped out of a doorway. Alice waved us in. I heard Edward trying to tell me to wait behind me, but I just smiled and followed.

I walked into a huge room. It was white and bright, and I knew it had to be Alice and Jasper's room. There was a desktop computer with a large screen and a laptop on a large desk with two chairs. There was a large shelf filled with books. They had a flat screen television across from their big canopy bed. I saw a guitar on a stand in a corner of the room by the vanity. I wondered who played – probably Jasper. Hell, probably everyone in this house could play the guitar and piano.

Then there was the closet. I stepped in. I was pretty sure it was almost as big as my apartment. "Wow," I let out.

"You like?" Alice chirped.

"I know nothing about fashion, but I guess I am just a girl," I admitted. There were colors and sparkles enough to attract a whole sea full of fish. Then I noticed the bags and shoes. It was a cliché, I know, but why do girls love bags and shoes? Must be in our genes. I think I drooled a little. So pretty.

Alice clapped like a giddy schoolgirl. "We're going to have so much fun playing dress-up!" she squealed.

"What?" I was brought back down to Earth.

"Alice, she's not some new doll you can play with," Edward said. He didn't sound too convincing. He wasn't putting up much of a fight for me. I had a feeling he was paying me back and trying to teach me a lesson for siding with Alice.

"I know. But she's so pretty like a doll. And you know Rosalie and Mom aren't as fun," she pouted. "You'll play with me, right, Bella?" she turned to me with big puppy dog eyes.

I looked to Edward. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled as if to say I tried my best, now you get yourself out of it. I gave him a knowing glare.

"Um, I guess it could be fun," I stammered.

Alice let out a happy scream and hugged me tight. I let out a yelp. Edward laughed.

"You have the best girlfriend ever, Edward!" Alice squealed.

There was that "g" word again.

She let me go and kissed me on the cheek. "Okay, I'm going to have to do some shopping! Should we start now or should I surprise you?" she pondered. She eyed me up and down and grabbed a measuring tape. "Stand up straight," she ordered. I obeyed. She lifted my arms out to my sides and she flitted about me like a hummingbird measuring me. She pushed my arms back down. Then I heard beeps and realized she was taking pictures of me with a camera. Before I knew what was happening it was over. "You know what? You look like you like surprises. Okay, Edward, you can take her now. I got work to do."

Edward grabbed my hand and Alice pushed him by his back out of her room with me trailing.

"See you in a few," she said and closed her door.

"What just happened?" I asked.

"You've been swept up in the tornado that is Alice," he answered. "I tried to save you before, but you walked right into it. Now you're her new best friend." He smiled.

"But she was so cute," I said confused.

"Don't let that fool you. That's how she gets away with everything," he said knowingly. "This room used to be mine before she and Jasper found us. One day, I came home and all my stuff was thrown out. And nobody said anything to her because she was so darling." He said that last bit with a tinge of bitterness.

I laughed. "Cute evil pixie. I like it."

"You have no idea," he smiled. "But I guess you will now."

He was still holding my hand. He started walking and pulled me along. We reached the end of the hallway and turned into another room. I knew instantly that it was his.

It wasn't as big as his former room, but it was still sizable. There was a queen sized bed and a big leather lounge chaise. There was a large desk with computer and a closed laptop. There was a flat screen television and a couple game systems. His bookshelves were bigger and carried a ton of books, CD cases, vinyl records, and some DVDs. He had a big stereo system and a record player. There was a guitar in here, too. I had a feeling that the other bedrooms would have the same basics, bed, computer, television, books, etc., with an emphasis on their interests.

I saw a copy of "Pushing Daisies" DVD on his desk.

"A gift, from Emmett," I heard him say. "He thought it was humorous."

I smiled. I knew the show was about a man who saves a woman from death but cannot touch her again lest she die. How appropriate. But I was glad I didn't identify with the characters so much anymore.

I peeked into his closet. Definitely didn't compare to Alice's walk-in but very neat. I noticed a lot of dark colors.

I could see Edward's interests lie not in fashion but in books and music. I checked out his collection. I liked to think I had some knowledge in music, but there were a lot of names I didn't recognize. Most of the ones I didn't know seemed like old, obscure musicians.

"I can make you a playlist, on your iPod, if you'd like," he said.

"Yeah, I'd really like that," I let him know.

I walked by his bed and let my hand trail over the mattress. I looked at him.

"For appearances," he answered. "What's a bedroom without a bed?"

"Do you ever use it?" I asked. I meant it innocently, but I realized it was kind of a personal question.

"Sometimes I lie on it to listen to music or watch TV, but usually I lounge in my chair instead."

"I like your chair," I said sitting down. It was more like a couch than a chair. I loved big leather furniture. They always seemed so sophisticated yet homey. "Your whole house is amazing, actually."

"It's mostly Esme. She's the decorator in the family. She's great, isn't she?" he said proudly.

"Yeah, she is," I agreed. I leaned back in the chaise. Something poked my bottom. I pulled the culprit and held it for inspection. It was a small stone. His room was immaculate and clean. What was a pebble doing in his chair? I looked at Edward questioningly.

He looked embarrassed and this puzzled me. Then it hit me.

"Is this? Is this what I think it is?" I demanded.

"I can't tell what you're thinking, remember?" he tried to joke.

That confirmed it for me. "Are you serious? Is this the one? So you were deceiving me when you destroyed the other one?"

"You're making it sound worse than it is. It's just a rock," he said.

"Why?" I asked. Why would he want the stupid pebble that hit me after I threw it at him?

"Because," he began, "it made me laugh. And I was happy. It makes me think of you." He added, "Not that I need it."

I looked at him. I looked back at the little rock. I smiled. I tossed it at him and he caught it easily. I saw him slip it into his pocket.

"You should've warned me about Jasper," I said softly. "I wouldn't have touched you." I knew Jasper was the newest to the vegetarian lifestyle and had the most difficulty with it. I knew this was why he always stood the farthest away from me and why he looked at me like I was a piece of juicy steak. But I should have put together that that combined with his ability to sense how Edward feels when he touches me and smells my blood was dangerous. I wasn't thinking and it was stupid of me.

"I know, it's my fault and I'm sorry. I didn't want to scare you or make you worry. I know you were already nervous without all this other stuff." He knelt down and apologized.

"It turned out okay, right?" I put my hand on his. "Does it get easier to bear?" I wondered.

He leaned in and answered, "Yes." He touched his forehead to mine. After a pause he sighed, "Lunch is ready."

Hmm, this mind-reading thing could be pretty convenient. It was like a silent dinner bell.

He led me down to the dining room. There was a beautiful spread of dinnerware and food. Of way too much food for one person.

Everyone was gathered around the table. Were they all going to sit around and watch me eat?

Everyone sat down. The seating seemed thought out. Carlisle sat at the head of the table and I sat next to him at the end and Edward, of course, sat next to me. Rosalie was on Edward's left side while Emmett sat at the foot of the table on the other end. Esme sat across from me on Carlisle's other side and Alice sat next to her, and Jasper on diagonal farthest from me.

"This looks amazing," I told Esme. "You really didn't need to make all this. I could've just eaten a sandwich."

"It's my pleasure, really. I hardly ever get to put the kitchen to use. I just hope it's to your liking. Edward wasn't very specific about what you preferred," she said.

"I told her you like everything," he said to me.

"It's true," I assured Esme.

"Well, it still didn't help," she raised an eyebrow at Edward. "Oh, and leave room for dessert."

There was enough food to feed a starving family. There was a large tray with an assortment of sliced meats and cheeses, with olives and some vegetables. There were two big bowls of different salads. Esme had prepared more appetizer dishes than I could count; I recognized mussels, asparagus, scallops wrapped in bacon, a shrimp dish and some others. Esme identified all the dishes but there was too many for me to remember. She also made lasagna and a creamy pasta dish. And she wanted me to save room for dessert? This wasn't exactly everyday lunch fare. It was more like a gourmet buffet.

I felt intimidated, to say the least. Not only did I have more delicious food before me than ever before, but I had to dine, alone, in front of a family of gorgeous vampires in their mcmansion in the woods.

I ate slower than usual. I tried to at least try some of each dish. I complimented Esme on her cooking. Everything was delicious; there was just too much of it for me to finish.

After a little while, Rosalie excused herself from the table and Emmett left with her, I thought a little reluctantly. Then I saw Jasper whisper something to Alice who had brought her laptop with her and he left, too. Their leaving was fine by me. It meant fewer eyes on me.

Alice was looking at her screen and said, "Wouldn't this look great on Bella?" to Esme who was sitting next to her. I lifted my eyes up at the mention of my name.

Esme leaned to her right and nodded at the laptop and said, "Yes, it's very pretty, but, honey, did you ask Bella's permission?"

"Of course, Mother," she said like it was the most obvious thing. "I'm going to have to make some phone calls."

"Alice," Edward said in a slightly reprimanding tone. I knew he must've read something in her mind. "Don't go overboard."

"There's no such thing as 'overboard,'" she told Edward.

"I mean it," he retorted.

She pouted. "It's not fair," she whined. "You let Mom spoil her with all this food she can't possibly finish, you're going to let Dad grill her about her blood, and you hog all her free time making googly eyes at her, and I can't even buy a couple dresses for her?"

I sensed Edward tense up next to me. I placed my hand on his leg right above his knee. That seemed to surprise him enough to distract him. He turned his head toward me.

I smiled at him to try to assure him everything was okay. I turned to Alice. "A couple dresses is okay, to try on. But I don't want you buying me anything, please."

Alice looked at me innocently. "You can borrow, right?"

"I can borrow," I repeated. I wasn't really fond of the idea of borrowing either, but it seemed like a reasonable compromise at this point.

"See, everything's good. Now I have to go buy myself a new wardrobe," she beamed. She closed her laptop, put it under her arm and flitted out of the dining room before anyone could protest.

I looked at Edward and he was still looking at me. He had this affectionate look on his face that made me want to melt. Alice was wrong about the "googly eyes," I was the one who made them at him.

"I think Bella's finished with her meal," he said, keeping his eyes on me.

"All right, dear," Esme said.

"No, wait," I interrupted. "What about my dessert?" I looked at Esme, who smiled.

She said to Edward, "Why don't you take it up to your room and Bella can have it there."

"Great idea," he said getting up. Esme and Carlisle stood up, too, so I did as well.

"Can I help with the clean up?" I offered. I picked up my plate and another nearby. Edward took the plates from my hands and put them back down.

"Trust me, it'll be faster if you don't help," he whispered to me with a smile.

He led me to the living room. I noticed a vase with the tulips on the coffee table. I walked toward the piano and asked, "Do you play?"

He sat down on the bench and starting playing on the keys. He warmed up with different melodies.

Esme came up beside me with a plate of chocolate cake and a fork. I took it from her and cut into it. Warm chocolate oozed out from the center. Yum.

"This is delicious, thank you," I said to her in a low voice. "And so was the lunch, really, thank you for everything."

"My pleasure," she said back. She turned to Edward on the piano who started playing an unfamiliar tune. Esme smiled in recognition. I turned to look at Edward playing. It was a beautiful song, slow and sad at first, but the notes swelled and became hopeful. When he finished, all three of us were silent for a while.

Edward stood up and walked over to Esme who had her right hand crossed over her heart. He kissed her on the cheek and she embraced him. I looked away because I felt like I was intruding in on an intimate moment.

Edward took my plate from me and led me to his room again. He turned on his stereo.

"Did you write that song?" I asked him as I sat on the leather chaise.

"I wrote it for Esme a long time ago. I haven't played it in a while and she was happy to hear it again," he said quietly. I would be happy too if he wrote me a song.

"I like your family," I said after a while.

"You do?" he asked doubtfully.

I assured him, "I really do."

"I have to apologize for certain members," he said.

"There's nothing you need to apologize for. If anything, I should be apologizing to your family. I'm the one intruding."

He furrowed his brows. He brushed some hair away from my face. "You're not intruding. Actually, they kind of like the excitement."

"Can I ask what they really think of me?" I asked raising an eyebrow conspiratorially.

He smiled. "Well, I think you know what Alice thinks of you," he started.

"Uh huh," I nodded.

"Esme and Carlisle think you're lovely." He was reluctant to say anything after that.

"Okay, I think I can guess the rest," I continued for him. "Rosalie doesn't trust me, Emmett has to go along with Rosalie, and Jasper wants to eat me. Oh, and Jasper could easily make the rest of you feel the same way, except Alice would be mad at him for taking away her new dress-up doll." Edward's eyes widened in amazement. "Impressed? You don't need mind-reading skills to read people. You should try it sometime," I teased.

He laughed. "You are quite something, Bella. I'm glad you're on my side."

"Who says I'm on your side?" I asked. His smile faded and he leaned in and pressed his mouth to mine and I kissed him back. My body felt warmer.

I finally pulled away and breathed. "We shouldn't. Jasper can sense you. You shouldn't make this more difficult for him."

"Don't worry," he said holding my face close to his. "He's thinking about something else," he smiled.

"Do you know everything they're thinking?" I asked. "I mean, all the time?"

He let go of my face and leaned back. "Most of it when they're thinking it, yeah," he admitted. He looked defeated.

I thought about it for a minute. And even as I thought, I knew how precious the privacy of my mind was. I didn't know what I would be thinking if Edward could hear my thoughts right now. It would be enough to drive me insane. Maybe his family was just used to it by now, but I think they are so brave to be so generous.

"It's not fair," I murmured. But of course he heard me.

"It isn't fair that I know what my family is thinking," he agreed.

"It's not fair you know everyone's secrets," I continued.

"I know, it's not fair to them," he conceded. He looked down.

"No, it isn't fair to them. But, more than that, it isn't fair to you." He looked back up at me. "People have their own secrets to keep. But you have to keep everyone's. That's a huge burden." I looked at him with sympathetic eyes. I laid my hand on his chest where I thought he must feel the burden the most. "I can keep my own secrets," I smiled. "I'm glad if I'm one less burden on you, if I can make your life just the tiniest bit easier."

He put a hand over mine on his chest and stared into my eyes. "If I could, I would keep only your secrets."

"If anyone could hear my thoughts, I would want it to be you. You are a good man. And I'm sure that's how your family feels."

He kissed me again, this time more tenderly. I cradled my head against his neck. He leaned back on the chair, pulling me with him. There was more than enough room on the leather chaise for both of us to lounge, me snuggled against him. We lay silently together listening to the music play low...

_Hello future, goodbye past_

_Now each breath can be my last_

_Will I see another dawn?_

_Will I be reborn?_

_Let the sun rise, let the birds sing_

_Let there be light, let there be morning_

_I don't know how I made it 'till now_

_Let there be light, let there be morning_

I closed my eyes.

I opened my eyes. I had fallen asleep again. Why do I keep doing that when I'm with Edward? I didn't want to waste any minutes with him, and here I was, practically a narcoleptic.

But Edward was still steady as a rock next to me. He pushed my hair behind my ear and said, "Rested?"

"Why did you let me sleep?"

"You looked so peaceful," he said.

I made a quick check to make sure I hadn't drooled on him. I would die of shame. I gave myself an all clear on the drool.

"Esme wants to know if you want to stay for dinner."

"Is it dinnertime already?" I panicked. How long had I been out? I looked outside and saw that it was dark. I sat up and said, "I don't want to be a bother." I forced myself to get up.

Edward stood up along with me. "Bella, you're not a bother. You'll never be a bother."

"Uh, I guess. But only if she doesn't cook anything new. I can just have the leftovers from lunch."

"She's going to be disappointed about that, but I'll let her know."

I was looking up at his face when there was a knock on the door and it was opened by Emmett.

"Mom wants to know if your girlfriend's staying for dinner," said Emmett at the door.

Why does he keep saying "girlfriend?" Am I his "girlfriend?" Surely, his family has jumped to conclusions. Or Emmett is just trying to tease his brother. That's what guys do, they tease each other about girls. Although I think Alice said it, too. It's got to be a sibling thing. I'm an only child, so I didn't really know, but observation made me think so. They give each other a hard time, right?

I mean, we only just had our first kiss yesterday. We haven't even admitted we like each other to one another. Actually, I didn't even know if he really liked me, or if he was just fascinated by the freak. I obviously have a pull over him, or rather my blood does. Maybe he's addicted to the feeling my blood gives him when he touches me.

Did I care? Did I care if I wasn't his girlfriend? Did I care if he was using me for my body? Did I care if he didn't feel the same way as I felt about him?

When I decided I would do anything to be near him, it was even at the cost of me. I knew full well I was going to get hurt in the process. I jumped into this willingly. I think it was too late for me to back out now anyway.

Kissing didn't necessarily mean we were boyfriend/girlfriend. Maybe we were make-out buddies. I could live with that. I wasn't naïve enough to think that we were soul mates or that we were going to be together forever or anything like that. I didn't even know if I believed in that stuff.

We could keep our relationship secret for all I cared. I understood that he told his family about everything, but they lived in a world of secrets and I was a part of it now. They had taken me into their confidence, and I was never going to betray them. Even if it meant no one else could know about Edward and me.

To tell the truth, I kind of liked discretion. I lived in anonymity and I related to the Cullens in this aspect. They lived their lives, but kept their true nature hidden. I guess that's how I have lived my life. I was never going to expose myself for the caprice of the world.

Sometimes I thought I was so good at it that even I didn't know who I truly was. I could chalk it up to being young still and finding myself, but I knew it was more than that. I was, for lack of a better word, boring. I was plain, average, numb.

The last thing I thought I was was special. But when the most beautiful and most dangerous man you've ever met tells you you're special, you take notice. And have doubts. So I wasn't going to just announce it to the world. I wasn't even sure how true it was. How special is special? I can't leap tall buildings or read minds. My blood seems to attract danger, but if I had moved a town away, I may have never even found that out. I could have lived my whole boring life never the wiser. I may never know who I truly am, but this part of it would be our little secret.

"Tell her to heat the leftovers," Edward told Emmett.

Emmett frowned slightly and said, "She's not going to like that." He lingered a bit by the door and then left.

Why didn't Edward correct him when he said "girlfriend?" Maybe he thought it would be rude to do it in front of me. But it actually made me uncomfortable to think people were getting the wrong conclusion. I didn't know what we were and I didn't want to condone other people defining us, but I was also unsure to do anything about it.

"Emmett is curious about you," Edward said to me. He must have thought I was worrying about Emmett's little interruption.

"Oh," I said.

"He's the strongest in our family and he's a little jealous of the ones who have touched you, especially Alice today. He thinks he's strong enough to resist your blood and he wants to test himself."

"Is he strong enough?" I asked.

"I don't know. He's strong physically, but his will power is another matter. It doesn't matter anyway; Rosalie wouldn't allow him to touch you. The only thing Emmett's afraid of is her, but don't tell anyone I told you," he said whispering. I smiled. Rosalie did look totally intimidating, and not just because of her beauty. "If anyone had the will power, I'd say it was Rosalie. She's the only one who's never tasted human blood."

"What about Carlisle?" I asked.

"He's turned half our family. Drinking blood from a bite is inevitable. But he has great restraint, of course, to not let the bloodlust overpower him," he said.

I nodded in understanding.

"Shall we?" he asked, leading the way out of his room. We made our way to the dining room again. This time, there were fewer plates on the table and fewer people in the room. Edward and I were joined by Carlisle, Esme, and Alice with her laptop. We sat in our same seating.

Esme and I made small talk as I ate, me complimenting her home and her asking how everything tasted. I guess cooking's a bit difficult if you don't taste the food, though she did a terrific job of it.

When I finished the meal, Esme brought out a magnificent tray of freshly cut fruit for dessert explaining she didn't technically "cook" this.

Then Edward spoke up. "Carlisle wants me to ask you a question for him because he wants you to feel free to say no, and he thinks you'll feel obligated if he asks. Feel comfortable saying no to me, okay?" he said with a crooked smile.

I looked at Carlisle and then to Edward. "What is it?"

"Would you be willing to have a blood test, so Carlisle can study it? You can do it at the hospital, and we'd pay for everything of course. He's never had the opportunity, you know to study a burning blood before. Maybe we could find out something that might help you..."

"Of course I will," I interrupted Edward. I looked at Carlisle. I repeated my sentiments to him, too.

"Bella," said Carlisle, "you should really think about it before you answer. It may seem like a simple request, but we will have to take precautions and we might not find anything at all, or even something you don't like."

"I understand. But I'm curious as well. And it might be bad or nothing at all, but I'd rather just know," I said.

Carlisle gave me a sympathetic smile. I saw Esme and Alice were smiling at me, too. I finally turned to Edward and he had a concerned look.

"I have to know," I told Edward. This didn't seem to assuage him.

I heard Carlisle say behind me, "I'll need to prepare some things first. I can set up an appointment at the hospital sometime this week, if that's all right with you."

"That's fine. Just let me know," I said, still looking at Edward. He didn't look pleased. I sighed.

With dinner finished, and the atmosphere pretty much killed, it was time for me to go home. It was a school night after all.

Edward tried to brush it off and smiled, but I knew he was trying hard for my sake. I didn't want to put him in a worse mood so I decided I would bring the matter up another time.

The Cullens, excluding Jasper, came to the door to say goodbye to me, much like they had welcomed me earlier that day.

Esme brought a big bag of packed up leftovers, for my father, she told me. I thanked her and told her he would very much enjoy it. He already thought I was working at a restaurant with all the take-out food I was bringing home for him.

I thanked the Cullen parents for their hospitality, Carlisle shook my hand, and Alice gave me another tight hug. I saw Emmett eyeing me as Alice embraced me.

I decided to just go for it. I walked up to Emmett and said goodbye to him, extending my hand for him to shake. His eyebrows raised in surprise as he looked at my hand, and before he could think himself out of it, he took my hand in his.

He grabbed my hand more firmly than I thought was necessary, but my bones seemed to stay intact. He finally let go and had on a big, self-satisfied smile. I guess he passed his own test.

Rosalie looked like she wanted to kill someone. I gulped and took another chance. I extended the same arm I just used to shake Emmett's hand out in front of her. I hoped she wouldn't rip it off, but I silently prayed Edward would stop her if she tried. I couldn't remember why I had started this in the first place. I apparently had no more concern for my own safety.

Rosalie looked at me with venom in her eyes. I was about to take my rejected hand back when she smirked and put her hand in mine. Her handshake was as firm as Emmett's.

Edward put a hand on my waist to signal our departure and guide me out. When we were in his car speeding along, he shook his head in disbelief. "I swear you would give me a heart attack if I still had a beating heart."

I bit my lower lip. I kind of felt like a child being scolded. "I know I shouldn't have. I guess I wasn't thinking." A lame excuse.

He exhaled. He reached out and put a hand on mine. I looked at him and he said, "You certainly make things interesting."

I smiled. I'll take it. Interesting was always better than boring.

He walked me to the door, as usual, and he kissed me on my forehead. He told me he would pick me up tomorrow morning and we said our goodbyes.

Phil came home not too long after I had settled in. I prepared him some of the food I brought with me, and he ate it with his drink.


	16. Everything and Nothing

Notes: Thanks so much for the really nice reviews!

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 16**

**Everything and Nothing**

* * *

Edward picked me up for school the next day like he had many times before, but unlike the other times, this was the first time since we'd touched. I was a little nervous about how our dynamic at school would change. Honestly, I thought the less it changed, the easier it would be for everyone.

That must have been the reason for my distance.

We hardly spoke to each other on the car ride to school. He walked me to my first class and I hardly paid him attention. That whole class, I felt terrible. I didn't know what I was doing.

All I wanted was to be with him, and now that I could, I wanted to hide us away from the peering eyes of the world. Or at least the world of my high school. I was wary of what the others would think if they found out. I knew they all had their opinions about Edward and the Cullens, and this new revelation would bring the spotlight on me. Was it selfish of me to want Edward as my secret and to go about unnoticed? I wasn't sure.

Oh, the mercurial hormones of a teenager.

I watched the clock move with the pace of a snail and wondered if Edward would be outside the class when the bell rang to walk me to my next class. I was torn between hoping he would and wishing he wouldn't.

When the bell finally rang, I exhaled a deep breath. I sat in my seat, taking my time packing my books and stood up. I walked out and looked around before making my way to my second class, alone.

This was what I wanted. Right?

Yes. I didn't want anything to change at school. Maybe Edward could read my mind after all and he'd been playing some sort of weird joke on me this whole time.

When I got to English with Jessica, she said hello and asked how my weekend was. I told her it was good, and immediately asked her how hers was. I knew that a lot of times when someone asked you a question like that, it was because the person asking had something to tell. And Jessica told me about how she had to comfort Lauren over the weekend when she and Tyler got into another fight.

When we got to lunch, sure enough, Lauren was sitting at the fashion girls' table and Tyler was sitting with the jocks. I thought Mike would probably go with Tyler, but he sat next to Jessica at our usual table. Jess seemed pleased about this.

Of course I had to glance over at the Cullen table and there was Edward looking back at our table. I gave him a quick smile and focused on my lunch table's discussions.

When the end-of-lunch bell rang, I saw Edward quickly slip out the side exit. I walked with Mike to science class.

When I saw Edward sitting at our table looking so welcoming, I wondered how I could ever want to keep him a secret. I took my seat next to the beautiful vampire.

I managed to take extra good notes today sitting next to him, surprisingly. And when class ended, Edward asked if he may walk me to my next class and I nodded yes.

Angela was sitting in her seat already, and she saw Edward and me outside the classroom. I knew she was savvy enough to maybe catch on that there was something between us, but I also knew she would be the most discreet out of our friends.

When French class ended, Mike was walking by so we went together to our last class together.

In gym, we played volleyball, and Mike and I were on opposing teams. I held my own though pretty well. When class was over, Edward was outside the gymnasium waiting for me.

I realized then how much of a sweat I had worked up. I was instantly embarrassed. It's not like I had body odor, but I knew with Edward's super senses, he could probably smell something unpleasant on me.

Blushing, I asked Edward if it was all right if he took me home so I could shower. I cracked open the window on the way there. Not so subtle, but rather that than let him smell me. When we got to my apartment, I thought about him waiting for me outside in the car.

"Do you," I hesitated, "do you want to come in and wait?" I kind of immediately regretted saying it.

"Are you inviting me in, Bella?" he asked.

Too late now. "Yes? Yes." Way to be sure, I told myself sarcastically. He gave me an unsure look, but I nodded and smiled.

I led him inside the building door and up the three flights of stairs to my apartment door. I found my keys and unlocked it. I turned around to him and asked, "Can you give me a second to tidy up?"

"I don't care if your place is messy, but if you prefer, I'll wait," he said.

I walked in and quickly closed the door behind me. I assessed the situation. Not bad. I only had a little tidying up to do, picking up some messes, and putting away the blanket and pillow from the sofa into the closet. I grabbed some clothes and underwear to change into and put them in the bathroom so I wouldn't need to carry them in front of him.

After a few minutes, I opened the door to allow in Edward. "Welcome to my humble abode. Phil should be coming late from work so it should be okay. Um, I guess make yourself comfortable, and I'll be right out." I hesitated for a few seconds looking at the gorgeous man who looked so out of place in my dinky little apartment. Well, nothing I could do about it now that he's already seen it, except prolong his misery, which I was not fond of, so I hurried to the bathroom to shower.

Why had I thought of this stupid idea, I said to myself as the hot water warmed my skin. I tried to be quick in washing up, but it was also important to be thorough. Quick but thorough, quick but thorough, I thought, scrubbing and rinsing.

I toweled off, rubbed on some lotion, and dressed. When I walked out of the bathroom, he was standing where I had left him. Was it too much to hope he had stayed there and not snooped around?

"So, what should we do today?" I asked walking towards him.

"Where do you sleep, Bella?" he asked with concerned eyes.

I turned around to look at the open bedroom door. Crap. I forgot to close it. Of course, he would notice there was one small bed in there with men's clothing – my father's room and bed.

I sat down on the couch and laid my hands on the cushions. "It's not as bad as it looks. It's actually, it's actually quite comfortable," I said, not even sounding convincing to myself. He looked down at me, and even though I wasn't lying, he made me feel like I was. I could see his generosity and chivalry working. "Now please don't do anything stupid like buying me a bed or something. We don't even have enough room, so."

He sat down next to me and held my hands. "But Bella," he began.

"Edward," I cut him off. "I mean it. I know you have all this money and you want to make my life better because you're a gentleman and a good person, and I really appreciate the thought. I really do. But you can't just buy my problems away for me. Actually, you probably could, but I don't want you to. I don't want to feel dependent on you or beholden to you, and I never want you to question my motives."

"I understand that, I do, but this has to do with your well-being. I'm not just going to stand idly by when I can do something to help you," he pleaded.

"Okay, say you buy me a bed. Then what? You're going to decide I'm too cramped here? Are you going to find us a bigger place? How would Phil afford it? Or would you take care of that, too? How would I explain that to Phil? Where does it end? And maybe I'm getting carried away. You probably don't want to do all those things for me, and I don't want to expect those things from you. I've survived this long with my father, and I'll probably be on my own soon. I've never had a problem with this, but here you come riding in on a white horse making me want to ride away with you. But that's not me. But you do something to me, and I'm not so sure anymore. And we're not even... I don't even know what we are." I had blathered on like someone with no restraint. What was happening to me?

He took me into his gaze, in the way he was so good at doing now. "We are whatever we want us to be," he said, emphasizing every word. "We can be everything and nothing. But I want us to be something. And I want you. I want you to be everything. But mainly, I just want you."

I looked into his amber eyes and wanted him to mean it. I didn't know if he did, or if it would matter now. I was a goner. I was so unsure of everything now. My reality had changed – my world as I knew it was moving and shifting around him, to make room for him, to accommodate him, to keep him in the center.

His image became blurry as my eyes teared up. He became clear again as the tears welled up and spilled out from my eyes.

"God, am I crying? I never cry," I said frustrated. "Everything I'm not, I am around you. Around you, I'm this stumbling, babbling, crybaby."

Was this the real me? Was everything else a facade? I was an ordinary, boring, anonymous girl. Now, I am emotional and a creature of desires. I am happy and sad at the same time. I am alive.

He drew his mouth to mine and pressed firmly. I reciprocated, pulling my arms up to his neck and pulling him closer to me. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. From melancholy or joy, I couldn't tell. I kissed and cried.

What are we?

We are a girl and a vampire.

Could this ever work?


	17. Firsts

Notes: Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews! I'm really glad people are enjoying the story.

Featured Music: Rilo Kiley - "Pictures of Success"

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. Songs and lyrics belong to their respective artists. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 17**

**Firsts**

* * *

Edward drove us to school the next day, and he walked me to my first class. When class ended, he came into the classroom to wait for me while I packed up. My classmates looked at this change in routine as they were leaving, the girls especially raising their eyebrows.

He walked beside me as we walked in silence down the halls. The other students glanced at us, mostly lingering their sights on him.

Without looking, my left hand searched for his right. When I found it, I wished it had been holding my hand always. He gave it a little squeeze, and I blushed.

I saw eyes darting back and forth and heard whispers among our classmates. I held onto Edward's hand firmer.

Edward walked me to and from each class after that, always holding my hand. By the time I got to English class with Jessica, I was sure the whole school knew by now.

So it was not surprising when she rushed me after Edward dropped me off.

"What, what the... When, what..." she excitedly stammered, shaking her head with her arms out.

I had rendered her speechless – a first. I couldn't help but smile.

"Okay, okay," she collected herself. "You have to tell me everything. The whole school's talking about it. Are you two together now?"

"Ah, together?" I acted confused.

She gave a little frustrated scream. "Bella! Stop playing around! This is important." The other people in our class looked toward the commotion.

I laughed at her exaggeration. Was this really the highlight of high school life? I supposed it was.

The teacher luckily called attention to the class, and I was freed from Jessica's interrogation, but not her annoyance.

When the bell rang, Jess pounced on me again. And then she shut up as soon as Edward appeared.

"Hello, Jessica," he greeted her with a charming smile.

"Hi," she said, growing slightly red.

I led our trio out of the classroom and I headed toward my locker. I expected Edward to follow me, but Jessica came along also. She usually went to her own locker before meeting up in the lunchroom. I guess she needed to view the Edward-and-Bella show for herself.

I opened my locker and put away some books while taking out others. I let Edward and Jess stand behind me in silence.

When I shut the locker door and turned around, I saw Jessica staring up at Edward and him looking back at her. He reached out his arm and put it around my shoulder and pulled me to his side. He gave me a slight squeeze and kissed me on my head, all in front Jess.

For your viewing pleasure, I thought.

I gave Edward a pinch on his back. I knew it wouldn't hurt him, but he would feel it. I needed to let him know I knew what he was doing. I knew Jessica had to have been thinking about us, probably having doubts, and he wanted to prove something to her by being affectionate. I didn't care for appearances.

"So you guys are together now?" she asked.

This is what happens when you put on a show. He started this, he could answer for it.

"Are we together now?" I asked, looking up at him from his side with my eyebrows raised.

He looked at me with a smile and turned to Jessica. "Isn't it obvious?"

"Wow. That's great. When did this happen?" she asked.

"Two days ago, two months ago," he mused. "I'm not really sure. What do you think, Bella?" he turned it back to me.

I sighed. "I honestly don't know. Can we go to lunch now?" I didn't wait for an answer. I would start walking and if Edward wanted to stay attached to me and if Jessica wanted to follow, it was up to them. And that's what they did.

Edward walked me through the lunch line and after he paid, we stood side-by-side before the tables.

"Do you want to sit at our table?" he nodded to where his siblings were seated.

It was a really tempting offer at this point, if simply for the fact that they wouldn't barrage me with questions. But I couldn't do that to my friends.

"No," I sighed.

Edward carried my tray for me to my usual table, said hello, and left me to the wolves.

I think Jessica was saving me a seat next to her but I sat at the end of the table next to Angela. She would be the best possible barrier in this situation.

Tyler and Lauren were still sitting at their different tables. I guess they hadn't made up yet, although I'll bet they wished they had now that their former table would have the best gossip.

Another lunch group member was missing today, though. Mike was sitting with Tyler at the jocks table. I looked over at them. Mike looked back at me, expressionless. I hoped he was showing camaraderie to Tyler and not some aversion to me, but I had a feeling it was the latter.

So it was just the four of us at our table now – Angela, Jessica, Eric, and me.

"You're not going to sit with your boyfriend?" asked Jess.

I literally choked on my food at that last word. Boyfriend? Who said anything about a boyfriend?

Angela was the only one looking concerned at my coughing. Eric and Angela looked at each other amused.

"He is your boyfriend, right?" Jessica pressed.

I took a long sip of my water. I swallowed and all I could answer was, "Huh?"

"He's your boyfriend, you're his girlfriend. That's how these things usually work. Unless," she paused, "unless you're something else..." She made an "o" with her mouth, the kind you make when you've said something embarrassing, for someone else.

"Huh?" I questioned again. I was slow on the uptake.

"He clearly likes her a lot," offered Eric, slightly awkwardly. "I'm sure it's not like that."

Angela nodded in agreement.

"Then why isn't he sitting with her?" Jessica whispered to him, though clearly loud enough for me to hear.

I looked over at Edward who looked peeved, to say the least. He was on the edge of his seat and looked like he was about to bolt out of it. I tried to give him a "calm down" look. This would be a convenient time for him to be able to hear my thoughts.

"_I_ didn't want to sit with him," I abruptly said. I had to come up with something quick. I couldn't send him a message through my thoughts, but I could send it through theirs.

Jess raised her eyebrows in surprise. "So _you're_ using him? Good for you, Bella. So, is he, like your boy toy?" she smiled coyly.

I laughed, "What?"

Edward, a boy toy? Right. First off, he was hardly a "boy." Secondly, he was so strong, not to mention stubborn, I couldn't imagine him acquiescing to anyone.

Angela and Eric laughed awkwardly with me.

When my brief laughing stopped, I said, "No, I just want to sit with you guys. Like we always do. Not everything has to change."

But everything _had_ changed. Even our lunch table wasn't the same anymore. And I was expecting more changes to come. No matter how much I railed against it, I knew nothing would be the same.

"So, he _is_ your boyfriend," she said, questioningly.

Why was she so persistent about this? Did we have to go around labeling everything? I wanted to scream I don't know. I didn't know anything anymore since he's come into my life.

"Maybe it's still new and they haven't defined anything yet," Angela offered in a soft voice. It might as well have been the voice of an angel. My appropriately named friend to the rescue.

I took another bite of my sandwich and shrugged my body as an answer.

Eric thankfully always had news and changed the topic. And Jess was distracted. She even mentioned that she thought Lauren and Tyler would probably make up soon, if only Tyler would swallow his pride and apologize.

When lunch finally ended, Edward didn't duck out the side door like he usually did. He came to me and I unconsciously looked for Mike. Edward noticed my distraction, of course, and didn't look pleased. I realize that wasn't a nice move but I was so used to Mike walking me after lunch to class I couldn't help it. I didn't see Mike in the cafeteria. It might have been worse if I did.

As we walked to class, my hand in his, he asked, "Why are you friends with Jessica?"

I came to a halt. The question surprised me. I started walking again, slower, and asked, "Why not?"

"You don't know how she thinks," he answered.

"No, I don't. Those are her private thoughts. She can think whatever she wants. She hasn't done anything to harm me," I said. He looked at me. "Look," I continued, "I'm not completely naïve. I realize she's probably thought bad things about me, but if I excluded everyone who thinks unkindly of me sometimes, I'd be utterly alone. Besides, you think I've never thought badly of anyone?"

"No. I think the only person you think badly of is yourself – the last person who deserves it."

I admit, I was probably my own harshest critic, but wasn't everyone?

"That's flattering, Edward, but there's something you should know. I am no angel. Just because you can't read my mind, doesn't mean you should overestimate me."

"I don't think it's possible to overestimate you. I told you, you never cease to surprise me."

"And I told you, that's because I'm the only one whose thoughts you don't know. You've been jaded by your gift. You should try and see people for more than their thoughts, for more than just their parts. Then you might find that they surprise you."

This time, he was the one who stopped walking. I turned around to face him and he was the one to surprise me by grabbing my face with the hand that wasn't holding mine and kissing me.

I was blushing by the time we parted lips in the hallway. I grew redder when I realized we were being watched by passerbys. We were just outside our biology class and he led me to our table, never letting on he noticed anyone around us.

When school ended, he asked if I wanted to come over to the Cullen residence again. He convinced me it didn't have to be a big deal this time, since the introductions were out of the way.

When we arrived, it was less formal as only Esme and Alice greeted us by the door.

Esme headed to the kitchen to make me a snack, a light one she promised, and Edward and Alice led me to the living room where Emmett and Jasper were playing chess on the small table. Rosalie was sitting on the couch speed reading a thick book.

There was classical music playing on the stereo, and although my knowledge of composers wasn't too thorough, I was pretty sure it was Chopin.

Emmett and Jasper were moving their pieces fairly quickly for a game that, for me, required a lot of evaluating.

"Check mate," I heard Jasper say. "You always let your emotions give you away," he said with a smirk.

"Yeah, and you cheat," Emmett retorted. "Hey, Rose," he said turning to her, "you wanna have a go?"

"I am enjoying my book, thank you," she said turning the page.

Jasper got up from his seat and Alice walked, gracefully as a ballerina, over to him and kissed him on her tippy toes.

"Well, I can't play Alice or Edward, Mom's cooking, and Dad's not here," he said.

"Why don't you ask _her_?" Rosalie said. "If she knows how."

They all looked at me, and I blushed at the attention. "I'd rather not, if that's okay with you, Emmett."

"I can teach you, if you don't know how," he offered. Rosalie looked at him.

"I haven't played in a while, because honestly, I don't like to play chess," I confessed. "Sorry."

I heard Rosalie smirk. Edward gave her a look.

It's not that I didn't know how, though I was probably rusty from not playing in a while. That would be a great disadvantage, one of many if I did play any of them. It seemed by the short display I saw with Emmett and Jasper that not only do they move fast, they think fast, too. It would seem like I was taking forever on my turn for them. And they had at least a half century of schooling on me, and it seemed like they got plenty of practice playing chess with each other.

But that's not why I didn't want to play chess. I wouldn't want to play chess if anyone of average intellect had asked me. I used to play it a little bit, but I found that rather than stimulating my brain, it made me go crazy. I was already an introverted person who lived in her mind, I didn't need more problems to think about. I tended to over-think things, much like I had done with Edward, and when playing chess, I would obsess about predicting possible outcomes. I realize this is the whole point of chess, but unlike puzzles or brainteasers which usually requires you to solve a relatively simple or straightforward riddle, chess pits you in a realm of endless possibilities, against the unpredictable chaos of someone else's mind. And this would drive me crazy with thought, because I didn't take any game lightly; I would put my all into it.

Plus, I didn't like losing.

_And I was sure I would always lose with them._

"That's too bad," Emmett said disappointed. "Come to think of it, you're the only one who can keep these guys from cheating."

"Why don't I play Edward?" Alice chirped up. "We can show Bella our _cheating_ _ways_," she said to Emmett.

Edward gave me a crooked smile and I nodded at him. Alice sat down where Jasper had sat with him standing next to her, and Edward switched places with Emmett with him standing next to me.

Edward and Alice took a second to put the pieces back on the board and sat there. I expected them to move the pieces quickly like Jasper and Emmett had but I didn't know what they were waiting for.

They just looked across at each other for several minutes, till Edward smirked and said, "Check mate." Alice put her finger on her king and knocked him down.

"Seriously?" I asked. I realized that they had just played an entire game in their heads.

She must have predicted the outcome of the game and he must have read her mind predicting he lost prompting him to change his mind about his moves for a different outcome which she would predict and he would see and...

This was exactly the kind of never-ending thinking I didn't want.

Now I understood why Emmett was frustrated about playing with them.

"Game night at the Cullen house must be so thrilling," I said sarcastically to Emmett.

"You have no idea," he said. "I can't even play poker with my brothers. We play video games but even that sometimes Alice likes to ruin by saying who will win before we even start."

I laughed at that last part.

Edward came to stand with us and said, "Yeah, but you beat us all at arm-wrestling."

Emmett smiled proudly.

Esme cooked me up a delicious salad with grilled chicken, and a fruit salad. I guess her idea of "light" was salads, no matter how large the serving was.

After I ate, Edward and I went to his room. He turned on his stereo and Rilo Kiley's "Pictures of Success" played.

"Bella?" he called.

I sat on the edge of his bed. The mattress felt unworn. "Yes, Edward?"

He sat next to me. "Are you unhappy with me as your boyfriend?" He looked at me with unsure eyes, I looked back at him with startled ones.

"What? Why would you ask that?"

"Well, at lunch, you didn't seem to want to say it," he said. "And I know I'm not... I can be difficult."

I blinked. He thinks I couldn't get myself to call him my boyfriend because of some deficit in him? How he had it so wrong. It was a deficit in me.

"No, no, it's not that. I just, we just... We never said, and I didn't want to assume anything," I stammered along.

"I know I wasn't the best to you at first, but I hope you know my feelings for you now." He put his hand on my cheek. He leaned in slowly and kissed me on my other cheek before putting his other hand on it and kissing me tenderly on my lips, then pulling me into his embrace.

I pulled away after a while. His scent intoxicated me and I was in danger of being lost in him.

I had to be able to think straight.

Now that I was sure he was my boyfriend and I was his, gulp, girlfriend, I was curious about something.

There was no tactful way of asking this, so I just came out and said it. Though shyly. "How many girlfriends have you had?"

"You," he answered after a beat.

I laughed. "Okay, maybe 'girlfriend' isn't the right term. I don't know what you used back then, 'intended,' 'steady,' 'sweetheart?' But you know what I mean."

"I know what you mean," he said cracking a smile. "It's still just you. Does that make you uncomfortable?"

"A little," I said confused. "I just don't understand. How is that possible?"

"It's possible because it's true," he simply stated.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to make you feel bad. It's a compliment, really. How do you look like you and be around for a hundred years and not have had a single girlfriend? I mean, girls must've been throwing themselves at you. Not that they would need to be so obvious. You know what they're thinking."

"I do," he agreed. "And they rarely think anything of interest to me, most of them. Most people can't think past themselves. When they think of others, it's to wonder how the lives of others affect them."

My brows furrowed. "That's hardly fair, isn't it? You're looking down on people for worrying what others think of them, when you already know. You don't have that problem. Who's to say if you couldn't do what you do that you wouldn't be as insecure as the rest of us. Few people are completely confident of themselves. I mean, I'm sure being able to know what people actually think brings its own set of problems, like feeling smug and passing judgment on others." I think I had carried it too far on that last part.

"Is that what you think of me?" he asked, looking truly concerned.

"No," I said. "But I'm glad there's someone whose mind you can't read. I hope you learn some sort of lesson in it."

"You're right. I shouldn't pass judgment. And I am glad there is someone whose mind I can't read. And I'm even more glad it's you," his face brightened up. After a pause, he said, "So, how many boyfriends have you had?"

I looked down and spoke softly. "You."

"Now it's my turn. How is that possible?" He looked skeptical.

"It's very possible. I mean, I've had a couple schoolgirl crushes before when I was younger, but they never liked me so."

"Would you like me to go hunt them down?" he asked.

"Could you?" I laughed.

"I could," he smiled, "but I'm actually grateful now for their stupidity."

"They weren't stupid," I corrected.

"You really don't see yourself, do you? You don't see how others see you."

"Right now, I only really care how you see me," I said softly.

"Then you have nothing to worry about," he whispered to me.

He leaned in and started kissing me again.

When we pulled away, I asked, "Does this mean you've never kissed anyone before?"

I think if he had any blood left in him, he would blush. "A gentleman doesn't kiss-and-tell," he said, after a contemplative pause.

"I'll take that as a no," I smiled.

It would have been too good to be true that he would be completely chaste. I didn't begrudge him that, though it did make me insanely curiously.

Women, vampires must have thrown themselves at him, maybe literally. I imagined women trying to steal kisses from him. He was strong and fast to be sure, but one should never underestimate a woman's determination. I had to smile to myself.

Too bad he was too much of a gentleman to spill. I had a feeling I could pry the information out of him if I really tried, but I wanted to respect his chivalrous nature.

I could tell he wanted to say something, and I had a good idea what it was. He wanted to ask me the same, but the gentleman in him wouldn't let him. I guess it worked both ways. He would have to suffer along with me.

Edward may be my first boyfriend, but he was not indeed my first kiss. He was my second. When I was in the sixth grade, I had a crush on a sweet boy. We weren't very close, but I admired him from afar. He was somewhat popular, but what I liked about him was that he was different than the other kids who were starting to discover their mean side, as children that age are oft to do.

One Sunday, I was out for a walk and I stopped at a playground when the boy rode by on his bike. We started talking, and we ended up spending some hours together. When it started getting dark, he was about to leave when he turned around and gave me a clumsy but sweet kiss.

The next day at school, we awkwardly avoided each others' gazes. After school, I went to the same playground somehow hoping he would stop by again. He didn't. The day after that at school, I heard he and another girl were an item. I would see them together everywhere that day.

I saw him a day or two after that on the street. He was riding his bike by me and he stopped to say what he did on the playground he did on a dare. I never found out if it was true, or if he was just trying to save face if word ever got out. It didn't matter, because I never told anyone and I moved not too long after that.

"A lady doesn't kiss-and-tell, either," I said. Since when had I become a 'lady?'

Edward gave me a bemused little smile.

* * *

Esme made me a dinner of salmon and vegetables, a show of considerable restraint on her part, and Carlisle returned from work.

The whole family and I went to his office to discuss my blood test appointment.

When he said he had to prepare some things, he wasn't kidding. He made an appointment at the hospital for me that Friday after school. It was for after his shift so he wouldn't be there. But he had laid specific instructions for a nurse to take care of me. And the family would have to make sure they were nowhere near the hospital as a precaution, including Edward.

"I understand the need to be cautious," I said, "but it's not like I've never bled before. I mean, I must have gotten tons of cuts and scrapes in my lifetime. And I've moved around a lot and lived in big cities. Either my blood isn't that potent or there aren't as many vampires around as you're letting me think. With what you're telling me about this burning blood thing, what are the chances I would be lucky enough to survive this long?"

Edward put his arm around my shoulder.

"That's what we're hoping this test will explain," said Carlisle calmly. "But I assure you, Bella, it's not something we or you should underestimate. Just because our family has been able to resist your blood, does not mean others can or will care to. I think Edward has spared you from the darker details of our kind, and I don't blame him," he said looking at Edward sympathetically. "But the sooner we can get some answers, the better prepared we all can be."

I felt terribly selfish and responsible. It wasn't my fault I had this burning blood, but I was the one who invaded their lives, their territory, and tempted them. And they've been nothing but gracious and accommodating. And I was luring their son and brother into danger.

I nodded. I would give them all my blood if they wanted.


	18. Blood

Notes: Short chapter, but next one will be longer...

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 18**

**Blood**

* * *

Friday came, and I was feeling nervous. It wasn't my first blood test, but it would be the most important.

School passed by uneventfully, as it had the past few days, considering Edward and I were the new "it" couple, whatever that meant. It just meant I would have a lot of stares and whispering to ignore. But it did die down a bit once everyone got used to seeing us around together.

I even got our regular lunch group together. Lauren and Tyler made up, just like Jessica said, and they returned to our table. Even Mike came back, though I suspected Jess had a lot to do with it, as she suspiciously stopped mentioning Edward during lunch. So luckily for me, it went back almost to the way things were and I wasn't getting hounded for Cullen info.

After school, I met the Cullen siblings in the parking lot by their cars. The plan was that Edward drive me to the hospital, make sure I was safe, and leave for guard duty. All the Cullens were going to take posts on the perimeter of town to make sure no vampire who might be passing by would be attracted by my blood.

Carlisle was fairly sure that the scent of my blood from my needle prick would not carry too far, but since there would also be a couple vials worth of blood though contained, they were going to keep their distance.

I felt a little jittery at all the hoopla surrounding me. I felt like I was about to take a test that I didn't study for. I was afraid I wouldn't get the results I wanted, though I didn't even know what results I did want.

Edward held my hand firmly. He must know I'm nervous. I looked at Jasper. He was standing farthest away from me, as usual, but he looked at me sympathetically rather than ravenously. I kind of wished Jasper could calm me down a bit at this moment.

We parted ways with his brothers and sisters, and Edward held my hand the whole way to the hospital.

"Everything's going to be fine, Bella," he said reassuringly.

"Did I mention I don't like needles?" I said.

He parked the car in Carlisle's reserved spot and we walked to a side entrance. He held me close and kissed me on my forehead. His body was still like it always was, quiet and cold, but I knew he was nervous for me. But he was doing a good job of being my calm.

"This is where I leave you, my Bella," he said. He placed his car keys in my hand. "Drive safely, and I'll see you tomorrow." He gave me another kiss on my forehead and then placed one on my lips.

He opened the door for me, and I walked in leaving him behind. My second time at this hospital. I sighed and found the stairs. I could have used the elevator, but I wanted to use up some of the extra energy I seemed to have. Plus, I would need to give Edward some time to make his way to his post on the outskirts of town.

I made my way slowly to the main desk on the second floor and gave them my name. A middle-aged nurse warmly greeted me and led me to an exam room.

I turned my head so as not to watch the needle going into my arm. I clenched my teeth as I felt the pinch. When the nurse finished collecting my blood, she put a small piece of cotton on the needle mark and taped it secure. I saw the two vials of dark liquid on the metal tray. My blood that was just flowing through my body. The blood that was the source of so much trouble.

It didn't look special. I'd seen my blood from cuts before, but I guess all the talk of it being unique made me think I'd notice something this time if I looked harder. Like maybe it would be "redder" or, I don't know, spontaneously catch on fire or something. Why even call it burning blood? It's not like I was warmer; in fact, if anything I was colder, or least my hands always seemed to be – poor circulation or something.

The nurse gave me sample packets of antibiotic ointment and extra bandages, on order from Carlisle, and I thanked her, put my jacket on, and went to Edward's car.

The plan was that I drive Edward's car home while they continued keeping watch and I would go to their place tomorrow night.

I had never driven Edward's Volvo before. I liked it. I liked his car, but more than that, it made me feel a little closer to him in his absence. And it smelled like him.

I drove home carefully, abiding the speed laws, unlike Edward. I didn't think his car had ever moved at 35 mph for more than a couple minutes. I thought it was a good change of pace for the vehicle. I patted the dashboard as if to pet an old dog for a job well done.

When I got home, I unbandaged my arm, washed it, and put the ointment on. I stuck a new bandage on, and I took the used cotton ball with a drop of my blood on it to one of Phil's ashtrays. I found a match and lit it on fire, and opened a window.

I got my cell phone and called Edward.

"Are you okay?" he answered. Did he always have to answer like that? You'd think I was in constant peril.

"Everything's fine," I said. "You shouldn't keep answering like that, or I'm not going to call you anymore," I teased. "I'm home. Safe. Can you believe I managed to get all the way home all by my little ole self?"

"All right, Bella," he chuckled. "I get your point."

"How's watch duty?" I asked.

The tiny fire in the ashtray went out and I dumped the remnants in the trash and put the ashtray into the sink to wash later. I walked over to the open window and sat on the sill edge.

"Going good," he answered unenthusiastically.

"My hero," I said in a high voice. "How long are you guys going to stay out there?"

"Just a little longer," he said.

Unspecific, but I didn't ask him to clarify. My notion of time probably vastly differed from his.

"Okay," I said. "well, I'm going to do some work, I'll see you tomorrow night?"

"I'll see you tomorrow." We hung up.

I then got to work on my homework for the weekend. It was the first time in a while that I got started on schoolwork in the daytime.


	19. Lucky

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 19**

**Lucky**

* * *

I woke up the next morning around 10. Phil was awake and heating leftovers for breakfast. Or maybe brunch.

I went to the bathroom to wash up and I heard the door buzz.

When I came out, Phil said, "There's a delivery for you. I buzzed them in."

I had a look of confusion. I hadn't ordered anything. Maybe they had gotten the wrong apartment.

I went to help Phil with the food so he wouldn't end up burning it, and there was a noise outside in the hallway. Then came a loud knock on our door.

Phil went to open the door as I turned off the stove. I walked over to the door.

There were three men outside with a huge box. One of the men asked, "Isabella Swan?"

"Yes?" I answered more confused.

"Sign here, please," he held out a tablet.

"What'd you order?" asked my father looking at the package.

"I didn't order anything. What is it?" I asked the delivery man.

"You won a sweepstakes? From Luxe Furniture? I guess they didn't notify you?" he replied, still holding out the tablet.

I never entered a sweepstakes. "Do you know what it is?" I asked again.

The guy looked peeved waiting for me to sign. "It's a futon," he said.

Then it hit me. Edward. Clever bastard.

"It's free?" asked Phil.

"Only if someone signs," the guy said, tiring of us.

Phil signed before I could stop him.

The delivery men brought in the box. We had to do some rearranging of our current couch to make room for the new piece of furniture courtesy of Mr. Cullen. And while one stayed opening the box with the frame, the other two went to get the futon mattress. Apparently, service came with assembly. How thoughtful.

When they finished and left, our living room looked cramped but I had a new bed in the corner.

"Lucky you won, huh?" Phil said as we stood assessing our new arrangement.

"Yeah, lucky," I said.

He left soon after finishing his food.

I picked up the packing list from the box and dialed the store number. I inquired about the sweepstakes and they told me they already picked the winners and actually read back my name to me from their winners list. I thanked them and hung up. I couldn't believe he actually went this far, but I had no doubt in my mind it was him.

I called my benefactor.

"Hello, Bella," he answered.

At least he changed his phone greeting. But it was probably because he knew what I was calling about and he wanted to have me in the best mood.

"Hello, Edward," I said, accusingly.

"How are you today?" he asked unfazed.

"I'm not sure. I guess I'm feeling lucky."

"Oh?" he said. Funny.

"Yeah, it seems I won a contest I didn't even enter. What are the chances of that?"

"Well, maybe someone entered it for you," he said.

"Really? Did this someone also rig it for me to win?"

"I think if this someone did something like that, it was with the best intentions. Don't you think?"

I sighed. "Just don't let me win any more things without my permission, okay?"

"I'm not admitting to anything," he said, "but I will not enter you in any contests without your consent."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll see you later," I said.

After we hung up, I looked at my new bed. It was so new and modern looking, it stuck out like a sore thumb among our old furniture. I grabbed my iPod and blanket, and I plopped down on the futon. It was so comfy. I put on my music and closed my eyes.

After lazying for a bit, I called Angela and asked if she wanted to grab lunch. She said she already ate but we made plans to catch a matinee in town. She was going to call the others and I was going to eat a quick lunch at home.

I drove the Volvo to town and met everyone in front of the small theater. In the end, our whole lunch group came out and we watched a pretty funny comedy. It was actually really good seeing everyone outside the school environment.

Afterwards, we went to get ice cream and I treated everyone. If Edward was going to be so generous with me, the least I could do was pay it forward and buy everyone a little ice cream.

Angela and Mike had to leave after that, and the rest were going to head to Tyler's to hang out, but I declined as I had plans, also.

After we parted, I loitered around town for a bit, checking out the stores, especially the thrift store I liked to visit, killing time till I would go see the Cullens.

When it started getting dark, I decided to head over. When I drove up the long path to their driveway, I saw Edward standing outside waiting for me. He looked statuesque.

He opened the door for me when I parked and I dropped the keys in his hand. "She drives like a dream," I said.

"Oh yeah?" he smiled and kissed me on my head. He held my hand and walked me inside.

As soon as we walked in, the smell of warm, sweet cookies wafted through the air. The scent instantly made me smile.

"Cookies?" I asked hopefully.

We went into the large kitchen where Esme was putting a baking sheet into the oven. She closed the oven door and greeted me. She held a large plate piled with cookies up to me. Edward poured me a glass of milk.

I sat on a tall stool at the kitchen island eating fresh, warm cookies with a glass of cold milk. I was in heaven.

Esme had baked not just one type of cookie. No, that would not be her style. She baked dark chocolate cookies, oatmeal cookies, peanut butter cookies, ginger cookies, and of course chocolate chip cookies.

"You didn't have to make this many cookies, Esme," I said. "One type would have sufficed." I took another bite.

"But I like cooking," she said cheerfully.

"You're just an excuse," said Edward.

Esme smiled. "I enjoy the actual heating of food, the baking, the frying, the waiting while the chemistry of the food changes. The cutting and measuring and preparation we can do in an instant. But the cooking itself can't be rushed or sped up. Even we can't shortcut that."

I sat quietly as I mulled over what she said. "I think I understand. Like, if you have all the time in the world, you could forget how fleeting and precious it all is. It'd be so easy to take for granted."

Edward and Esme looked at me then at each other.

I picked up the cookie I was working on from my plate. I said, "Maybe it is the little things that really matter – like a warm home-baked cookie made with love." I took a bite and smiled.

Carlisle returned from work not too long after. The family and I gathered in the library again for his report on my blood test.

"I've only had time to run some basic tests on your blood, Bella. The results for the more extensive ones will take some more days. From what I can see as a doctor, there doesn't seem to be anything remarkable about your blood. You're type is A positive, a very common blood type. And I've checked for some illnesses that are easily tested, and you're negative. Overall, this is all good news concerning your health.

"Like I said, we'll have further test results in about a week, but I suspect those won't turn up anything unexpected, either. Honestly, I don't know if we have the kind of technology that might be required to detect the uniqueness of your blood. I don't know if human technology would even pick up on something like that. I'm beginning to think that whatever makes us supernatural has a part in making you different as well, which might explain why we're drawn to your kind. Some things, like us, can't be explained through science."

My kind? There was something unnatural, no, supernatural about me.

I reached for Edward's hand. He held it tight.

I felt somehow closer to him through this knowledge. That I had somehow moved closer to him on the classification scale. Humans. Burning bloods. Vampires. I was slightly more than human.

"The good news is," he continued, "while I was having your blood tested, I noticed that the scent, the pull of it, seemed to wear off over time. The potency might not dissipate quickly enough for it to be safe in case you do, say, have an accident near a vampire, but it gives us some information. You would need to make sure to stop the bleeding immediately as this would be the freshest source of attraction for us. But if you had some time, you could get away. It's not hopeless."

"I'll just have to keep her safe. I'll make sure something like that never happens," said Edward.

"We'll help, of course," said Alice.

"Of course," added Carlisle. And Esme nodded.

Rosalie had her arms crossed in silent defiance. Emmett and Jasper didn't move.

I knew Edward was reading all the thoughts that must be running through his family's minds. He looked tired.

"I can't ask you to do that for me," I said, looking around at everyone. "I've been fine; I'm going to be fine. Besides, I'm not in any imminent danger now, am I?"

"You didn't ask us. I'm offering. Actually, I'm going to do it anyway so you can't turn me down. And if anybody else wants to help, that's their choice. I don't really see you stopping any one of us," he said with a playful smile. "And you're right, there is no danger now. We're just being cautious."

I couldn't understand why this beautiful family had shown me such hospitality and concern. And now, they were talking about putting themselves in danger, for me. I almost wanted to cry.

With Carlisle's report done, the others started to leave the room. When it was just Carlisle, Edward, and me left I turned to the doctor and said, "What's the bad news? You said that's the good news, so what's the bad news?"

Carlisle looked at me. I felt Edward shift next to me. There was something they weren't telling me.

I looked to Edward. He and Carlisle were looking at each other.

"What is it?" I asked.

Edward broke from Carlisle's gaze and looked down.

Carlisle looked back at me. "I'm going to run more tests. Do some research, maybe try some other things. I'm probably going to ask you for some more blood. And DNA testing as well."

"Okay," I said hesitantly. "But that's not the thing you're not telling me."

He paused briefly and said, "I don't want you to get your hopes up about maybe curing or changing your burning blood. If it is an otherworldly quality, there is no undoing or turning back."

I blinked and furrowed my brows. "Is that it?" I asked. They were quiet. "I didn't even think of that possibility. Huh."

I guess I should feel stupid. That would have been a natural question to arise. If someone told you you had a condition, you're immediate response should be, can it be fixed? And my condition was one that had me on the verge of death constantly.

My boyfriend and his family had to persistently resist the urge to kill me. That sounds funny – maybe others had that problem as well but I doubt in such a literal sense.

Edward and Carlisle looked at me as I assessed this new revelation. Edward looked worried. I wasn't sure why. Did he think that I would want to try something to "cure" me?

"Okay. If you say you can't change my blood, you can't change my blood," I said unfazed.

They both looked at me. I think they were taken aback by my blasé tone.

Edward said something to Carlisle so low I couldn't hear. But he must have asked his father to give us a moment alone, because he left us in his office.

"It may not be sinking in now, but don't take it lightly. The implications of this will hit you later. Believe me, I know," Edward said. He was facing me, holding my shoulders, making sure I listened.

"Are you _trying_ to make me hate myself, Edward?" I smiled.

He looked more frustrated. I guess joking wasn't the right route.

"Of course not, but, but..." he grasped for words.

I spared him his search. "I don't know," I said. "I don't know. I'm new to this whole world unlike you so, yeah, I don't know much. And maybe you're right. You know what, you're probably right, because you usually are. I probably will hate myself someday for being a burning blood. But can't I just accept it for now? I may have just found out, but this is what I am, _who_ I am, who I always was. I wasn't turned into this. I guess I didn't think my life would change just because I found out about it. My life changed because you came into it. And if that happened because of this thing that I am, well then, I'm even more okay with it."

I looked into his golden eyes, which looked duller now. "But _you're_ not okay with it," I said, slowly realizing, "are you? You really wanted me to be fixed? Like I'm broken?" He shook his head. "What if I wasn't a burning blood anymore? Would you still want to be around me?"

"Of course. Of course I would," he implored. "Is that what you were thinking? That I wouldn't want you if you didn't have your blood. Is that why you don't care that you're a burning blood? You'd rather be in constant danger than be free from this curse?"

I looked at him pleadingly. My body begged to be with him.

He closed his eyes in defeat. He pulled me close and kissed my forehead. He hugged me, holding my head and back.

"I'm sorry my blood makes it so difficult for you and your family to be around me," I said, still in his embrace. "I really am. But I'm not sorry it led me to you."

"Neither am I," he said softly. "And you're right. There's no use moping about something that can't be changed." He kissed my head. "What am I going to do with you, my silly girl?" he sighed.


	20. Elephant

Featured Music: The XX - Stars

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. Songs and lyrics belong to their respective artists. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 20**

**Elephant**

* * *

Edward and I became inseparable. He became my world, and I orbited around him, hopelessly drawn to his gravity. And I was eternally grateful he let me.

I was alone in this world before him. I didn't care for anyone or anything. These things I didn't even know before I met him.

I had gone about my days, head down, concentrating on getting through life. Sure, I had dreams of better things, of travel and seeing the world. But I think if I hadn't met Edward here in this little town of Forks, Washington of all places, I would have traversed the globe in search of him without really knowing it. And here I had found him, and I didn't know what to do with him.

* * *

We were an official couple for a few weeks now.

Then Valentine's Day rolled around.

"What's the point of Valentine's Day again? Oh, right. it's to flaunt that you're not some disgusting weirdo who can't get candy or flowers, or be really depressed because you are some disgusting weirdo who can't get candy or flowers," I said to Edward on our weekday drive to school.

He humored me by cracking a smile.

I figured he would be some chivalrous romantic, what with all the things he does for me when it isn't a holiday that celebrates showering your partner with gifts, so I told him I didn't want to do anything special today.

I knew it was hard for him, but I finally made the gentleman in him relent and we agreed no presents.

I found his nature quite ironic. He could be extremely cold, not just literally, and withdrawn and serious, and then I would see this side to him that would make my heart melt. And the best part was he wasn't overt about it. I saw it in the little things he did for me and others, and sometimes I felt like I could read his mind and feel his emotions. And I just knew he was a genuine person.

I was new to this relationship thing and I didn't like attention. I knew he knew this about me and I think he shared my sentiments so we were well-matched in that department.

We held hands in school all the time, but we hardly ever kissed in front of anyone, and we didn't even sit together at lunch. We never poured our feelings out to each other, which made things difficult at first when we were getting our bearings, but we had found our groove and were just going wherever this took us.

I can't say, though, that I didn't have my doubts. It was obvious we liked each other, but we never discussed how much. I didn't know how much of his attraction to me was because of my blood, and I don't know if he wondered about my feelings for him.

Honestly, I didn't know my own feelings for him. I was completely wrapped up in him, but I never knew anything like this before. I didn't know if this was infatuation, obsession, or something more true. Sure, these feelings were intense in the moment, but they could be fleeting. Did time heal all wounds?

I didn't know, and we didn't discuss the future. We lived in the present, for now.

"Bella, just because you don't want cards and chocolates doesn't mean other people don't. It's nice to have a day to celebrate hearts and rainbows," he said.

I laughed. "I know, I know. That's why I'm bringing everyone heart-shaped cookies, courtesy of your mom. So we can celebrate love and unicorns!"

"Unicorns are a nasty bunch, you know. Don't even get me started on those bastards," he said.

"Shut up," I laughed and slapped his arm.

"Ow," he feigned. "Watch your strength, Bella. I'm not your punching bag."

"Yes, you are," I yelled, and teasingly hit his arm more. I could never hit him hard, of course, or I might break my hands.

He laughed and he leaned into me, putting his arm around me to pull me close to him. I squealed and stopped struggling once I was holding him. "I'll be your punching bag," he told me.

This was the Edward I adored – the sweet, playful Edward.

When I got to lunch, I passed out the beautifully wrapped and ribboned cookies to everyone at the table. They were a big hit.

I explained they were made by Edward's mom and everyone seemed to be impressed, even a bit honored, except Mike. But he seemed to enjoy the taste either way.

Angela and Jessica had brought little chocolates to share with us as well. I only took one piece each from them. I didn't have much of a sweet tooth.

Lauren had a long-stemmed rose with her that she received from Tyler. I noticed around the lunchroom that there were a couple girls with roses or carnations. And I saw more red and pink scattered around the room, as people had dressed in the spirit of the holiday.

I looked at our table and saw all the girls had some article of clothing on with red or pink. Lauren had on a red skirt, Jessica a pink sweater, and even Angela had on a red headband.

I looked down at myself, and I had not a spot of red on me. In fact, I was wearing dark colors. I had forgotten that people dress for this day. I had worn a gray shirt with my navy sweatshirt and dark jeans.

I looked over at the Cullen table. Immediately I noticed that Alice was wearing a red sweater dress with black leggings and boots. Next to her, Jasper wore a red shirt with a black jacket and jeans. Even Rosalie had on a loose, light pink sweater and ivory pants. Emmett had on a white button down shirt, a light pink tie, and dark jeans. The tie must be Alice or Rosalie's idea, I thought.

I didn't think they would get into this Valentine stuff, but I guess I was wrong.

I looked at Edward and I guess we sort of matched, too, in that we were both wearing dark clothing. He had on a black v-neck fitted sweater and black slacks and shoes. Then I caught a glimpse of dark red socks peaking out where his pants were pulled from his sitting.

I turned my head back and smiled a bit. I wondered if Alice had made him wear those or if he had a fit of whimsy today.

"Must be nice to have a boyfriend on Valentine's Day," Jessica said to Lauren, looking at her rose.

Lauren looked sympathetically back and said, "Aw, you'll find someone soon." She looked at Mike and Jessica followed her gaze. Jess blushed slightly but Mike was eating his lunch, oblivious to the girls' intentions.

"But I'm not the only one with a boyfriend at this table," Lauren continued, looking at me. I had a feeling she was going to bring attention to me, but I still couldn't help blushing. "Are you and Edward doing anything special today?"

I shook my head in answer with a polite smile. I could feel her and Jessica's eyes of sympathy on me. I knew Edward wasn't going to like this, but rather this than tell them the truth about all the things he does for me and make them feel bad about their current and future boyfriends. And better yet, their feeling sorry for me made them stop talking about the subject any further.

The truth was, if I had simply given Edward free reign, I think he might have filled my apartment and my classrooms with bouquets of flowers and expensive gifts. I didn't know if it was because he's never had a girlfriend in a hundred years, but he seemed to want to lavish me with presents. And I knew my displeasure to such signs of affection went against his nature.

When school ended, we went to his place. We almost always went to his place now.

His siblings were already home. They usually beat us back. As fast as Edward drove, I think he was slowing down a bit for my sake.

As soon as we went inside, Alice moved with incredible speed from the direction of the living room to where we were standing by the doorway.

"Finally," she said to Edward. She grabbed my hand and before I could protest, I was being pulled away from Edward to her room.

"Our first play date, so to speak," she said with utter cheeriness. "Edward made me wait till now. He can be so stubborn, but you probably know that by now."

"Uh," I muttered trying to figure what was going on. I was left standing in the middle of her room as she disappeared into her massive closet.

She reappeared shortly with a pile full of clothes which she threw on the bed and moved quickly in a blur and the pile suddenly became rearranged to be displayed. I saw that they were all dresses.

I looked at them and then at her. I looked at her, waiting. I hope these weren't for me.

When she didn't offer an explanation and looked just as expectantly at me, I said, "Do you want me to help you choose a dress?" I didn't think I'd make a good opinion in that case. She clearly knew the way I tend to dress myself.

"These are for you to try on, of course," she said. "For tonight."

I opened my eyes wide. "Tonight? What's tonight? I didn't agree to anything tonight," I said in a panicked tone. I was unprepared for this. Why would Edward do this?

"Edward didn't tell you? Oh then, maybe I shouldn't say," she said.

I walked up to her and put my hands on her shoulders and tried to look as intimidating as possible. She was only a little bit shorter than me and more petite but I knew she could kick my ass easily.

"Tell me what's going on," I commanded. I hoped she wouldn't take offense to my sudden boldness.

I think I surprised her a bit. "The family's going to see a show. In Seattle," she obliged.

I let her go. "Oh," I said. A show. That didn't seem so bad, but I didn't appreciate the secret. I guess I shouldn't be too harsh on him. He did have good intentions, and it was a holiday, I supposed.

When Alice saw that I was calmer, she grabbed a dress by the hanger from the bed and held it up to me.

"Let's get started, shall we?" she said with a big smile. "Take off your clothes," she said and waited.

My eyes widened again and I blushed when I realized she wanted me to take them off in front of her. "What? I'm not getting naked in front of you."

"Hmm," she hummed rolling her eyes to her side toward the door. "I guess that could be a problem. I mean, it's nothing he hasn't seen before but I guess we shouldn't ruin the surprise for him."

"Alice!" I scolded, blushing red. I was a pretty modest person. I dressed modestly, never wearing any revealing clothing. But I wasn't a total prude. I didn't have anything against changing in front of Alice; it was her brother I was worried about. I changed in front of other girls in the locker room.

The locker room! Why had I never thought of this before? I changed all the time into and out of gym clothes at school. I blushed again at the thought of Edward reading the other girls' minds and seeing me in my underwear.

I wasn't angry or jealous at the thought of him being able to see other girls in their underwear, or even naked. Alice was right, it would be nothing he hadn't seen before. Even without his ability, he was a young, gorgeous man who's been around for a century. There was no way he would not know about or have seen a naked woman before. But I was somehow superbly bashful at the thought of him seeing me in my underwear. I hated the thought of it. I couldn't change anything now, but I would have to remember to wear only my good undies.

But Alice was one step ahead of me. She went into her closet again and came back out with some shopping bags.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" she said, handing me the bags.

"What are these?" I asked. I put the bags down and sifted through all the tissue paper.

"I know you said borrowing only, but I don't think you'd want to share these. Besides, it's a holiday so a little gift giving is okay, right?" she said innocently.

I finally reached through all the tissue paper to the bottom of a bag and pulled out tiny lace panties. I blushed again. I looked into another bag and found more panties and bras. I looked up at Alice who had on a smile and was turning her body side to side like a child.

"What's with your family and giving gifts?" I asked rhetorically.

She bent down and hugged me. I guess she took my question as an acceptance speech. I sighed. There was no denying this family. I wonder if all vampires were stubborn. All that power must make it difficult to take no for an answer.

We stood up and she grabbed a red dress from her bed. She handed it to me and said, "Here, try this one first." She pushed me into her closet and closed the double doors behind me.

I looked at this bright, tiny piece of clothing. I sighed again. I undressed.

I came out of the closet and timidly walked out. I felt naked. The dress was strapless and the hemline was shorter than anything I liked to wear.

Alice beamed. "The color's great on you," she said.

"I can hardly breathe," I said. I turned around and pulled my hair over one shoulder to show Alice the back. I had managed to pull the zipper most of the way, but not completely up. She zipped it up the rest of the way for me. She wrapped her hands on my waist and squeezed.

"Esme's been feeding you too much," she said, unhappily. "You've gained weight." I felt like I was being scolded.

"But her food's so good," I whined. "And how am I supposed to say no to her? I can't seem to say no to any of you." I pouted. But I knew she was right. I didn't weigh myself regularly but I knew I had definitely gained some weight. My regular clothes did seem to fit a bit more tightly lately.

"This won't do," she said. "At this rate, you're not going to fit into any of the things I got for you. I have to tell her to cut back on the food." She frowned.

I smiled. "I guess you'll have to return this stuff." And she was going to tell Esme to not make so much food. Maybe she would listen to Alice. This was like having both problems solved for me.

She gave me a displeased look. "You're not getting out of this that easily." She grabbed another dress from her bed. "Try this on," she ordered.

I took it and went to the closet, mentally stomping my feet.

I liked the second dress better than the little red one. It had more fabric. But only slightly more. It was also strapless, but had a longer hemline. It was navy blue with a black waist band and ruffles in the front.

Alice brought out black platform heels for me to try with it. I did like the way the shoes made me feel more feminine.

I tried a couple more dresses after that. It actually started to get fun once I loosened up. I wouldn't have to wear all of them, after all, and if I refused to wear it, Alice wouldn't force it on me.

"What about this one?" I asked, noticing a simple black dress.

"I knew you were going to pick that one," she said. "That's why I made you try these other ones first." She went to the pile of shopping bags, picked out a small pink one and handed it along with the dress to me. "Go ahead."

I gave her an exasperated cry and took the dress and bag to the closet. I opened the little pink bag and saw a solid black non-lace bra and panty set. I put them and the dress on.

The black, sleeveless strap dress was the most comfortable one, by far. It was soft and had some stretch to it, so my extra plump wasn't a problem. I came out with the shoes on. Alice smiled proudly.

"Good?" I asked.

"Good," she answered.

She pulled me to her vanity before I could look at myself in the mirror properly and sat me down to the side so I couldn't even look in the vanity mirror. She brushed my hair and then started sectioning it. I peeked to the side and I could see she was rolling strands with heated curlers. She moved with blurring speed and I could feel rapid tugs at my head. When my hair was all up, she came round to the front and started on my face.

I had never had a makeover, but I doubt anyone has had a makeover quite like this. I stayed silent, but I doubt I would have gotten much of a protest in before she finished. It was like being swept up in a whirlwind of fashion.

When she finished with my face, she showed me several small bottles and told me they were makeup removers. She told me how to use them and put them and some cotton swabs in a shopping bag for later. I doubted I would remember all that at home.

"I didn't put too much makeup on you. You don't really need it," she smiled. "And Edward likes you the way you are. He'd probably get mad if I changed your look too much." I blushed. "See, and how could I fake that blush of yours." She caressed my cheek and inhaled deeply, closing her eyes.

Was she smelling me? I swallowed, nervously.

She opened her eyes and removed her hand from my face. She walked behind me and started uncurling the rollers. She sprayed some stuff in my hair and she styled it.

She finally turned me around so I could look at my face. My eyes opened wider as I took in the surprising view. It was me, but I looked different. Better. She smoothed out my complexion and emphasized my eyes, making them smokier. She went more subtle on my lips opting for a blush colored gloss. My hair was tied in a messy, loose ponytail to the side near the nape of my neck with a big red flower clip that I could see when I turned my head to the side.

"Alice, I look..." I started, but couldn't finish.

She lowered her head so it was next to mine as I looked in the mirror. "You look like you, Bella. You're beautiful," she said.

"You're amazing, Alice, thank you," I said looking at her reflection. She smiled and gave me a peck on the cheek.

She guided me to a tall standing mirror and I looked at myself in full view. I looked probably as womanly as I ever have. I turned and hugged her. She hugged me back.

"Does this mean we get to play more dress-up in the future?" she asked. I knew I might regret this later, but I nodded. She hugged me tighter and I squeaked.

She let go and told me she had to get ready. I told her of course, and she grabbed all the dresses on her bed and zipped into her closet full speed. I sat on her bed. She appeared a few seconds later in a little red dress and matching heels. Hers was a little darker in shade and had capped sleeves.

"You look stunning, Alice," I told her, truly amazed. All she had to do was put on a dress and she looked ready for a red carpet. She wouldn't need makeup or any other touch ups. "Jasper's a lucky man," I said.

"Thank you," she smiled. She went into her closet and brought out a long, dark coat. "Let's go," she said.

When we got to the end of the hallway to the stairs, I grabbed her hand. I was not used to heels and I had a feeling I might trip in front of Edward.

She gently squeezed my hand reassuringly and we walked down the stairs together.

As we approached the bottom, I saw the entire family gathered around all dressed up. They looked up at us. And of course, I blushed.

Edward walked up to the foot of the steps and held his hand out for mine. I reached out my free hand and when he received it, Alice let go of my other. She flitted to the far end where Jasper was waiting. She took her place by his side and he looked down at her affectionately and then looked back up at me. His handsome face expressed something familiar to me that I couldn't quite put my finger on. But he didn't look like he wanted to kill me at this moment, which was good considering I spent some time near his Alice. Maybe he was warming up to me, too.

I looked back at Edward and he looked so dear. I had to push down the swelling of emotion I felt for him. I looked away from him to help with that, and looked to his family.

The men all were wearing suits with ties, except for Edward who hadn't changed. Rosalie had changed into a tight pink dress. She looked incredibly gorgeous like a movie star. And Esme was perfection in a long, deep purple beaded gown.

I kind of felt under dressed now that I saw them, but Edward seemed to be as well, so I didn't feel as bad. I would feel worried that I might embarrass him.

"You look beautiful, Bella," Esme said, walking up to me. She greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Carlisle gave a short nod and smiled behind her.

"Yeah, you clean up pretty good," Emmett said with a crooked smile. Rosalie stood with her arms crossed.

"Not so bad yourself," I said back. He did look very handsome in a suit. I kind of wished I could see Edward in suit at that moment. I wouldn't tell him, but I was a sucker for a man in well-tailored suit. "Only a real man can pull off pink," I said referring to his tie.

"Damn straight," he said. I enjoyed our banter a lot. I sometimes thought Rosalie's disapproval made it even more enjoyable.

Esme kissed Edward on the cheek and he kissed her back. "Enjoy your night, dear," she said.

I looked at Edward. He was paying attention to his family putting on their coats. The men all held their spouses' coats for them to put on and then put on their own. Not that they needed it, but for appearances of course. They were all about appearances living among us.

"Have fun, bro," Emmett enthused. The family made their way toward the garage while Edward and I stood where we were.

"I thought we were going to a show," I said once they left.

"Would you like to?" he asked.

I blinked in confusion. "I don't know. I guess I misunderstood."

"We can still go with them if you wish. I just thought you'd prefer a night in," he said.

"A night in?" I repeated. "I didn't really need to get dressed up for a night in, did I?" I asked accusingly.

He smiled. "A special night in," he corrected. "And Alice has been persistent about spending time with you. I couldn't keep her at bay any longer."

I could see Alice pestering him. I kind of liked the idea of her annoying him. "How special?" I asked him to clarify.

"I'm making dinner," he said.

I gasped exaggeratedly. "Edward Cullen cooking? It _is_ special," I teased, but I was also excited. He let out a low laugh. "Can I watch?" I asked, hopefully.

He raised an eyebrow. "If that is your wish," he said.

"It is," I told him.

We walked to the kitchen and he lifted me up by the waist easily to sit on the counter near the stove.

He moved at inhuman speeds and gathered ingredients and utensils for preparation. I had seen Esme cook several times and the preparing, chopping ingredients, and measuring took no time. Edward washed the vegetables and cut them in a flurry. There were some green beans and I took a pod and bit into with a snap while I watched him work.

He put some butter on a pan and I told him to lay off on so much butter. He looked at me.

"I need to go on a diet," I explained. "My clothes are getting tight."

He furrowed his brows. "Don't be ridiculous, Bella," he said coming closer to me. "Did Alice tell you that? I would think Alice would like that since she would get to keep buying new clothes for you."

"Funny," I said. "No, it's true. You and your mother have been fattening me up."

"Well, I don't mind if you gain a few pounds. You're so thin to begin with. It's healthy for you," he said. He put his hands on my waist. With me sitting on the counter, I was slightly taller than him. I liked this leveling of heights as a change of pace. He was usually towering over me.

He leaned up against the counter between my legs and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck. His hands moved at my waist, and I jerked away from his lips. His fingers played at my waist and I burst into laughter trying to squirm away from him since I couldn't push him away. He was tickling me and I laughed trying to make him stop. I was having a laughing fit, screaming in between gasps for breath till he finally stopped.

He went back to his cooking and when he was ready for the piece of steak he asked how I wanted it cooked.

"Rare, please," I replied.

He raised his eyebrows. "My kind of girl," he said and gave me a kiss.

He lifted me off the counter and walked me to the table by the window in the living room. There was a place setting ready for me with a glass of water. He pulled the chair out for me while I sat. On his way back to the kitchen he turned on the stereo. "Stars" by the XX started playing.

He returned soon after with my plate and a bowl of salad.

I cut into my steak and it was bloody rare. I lifted my eyes up to Edward and he had his eyes locked on me. I lowered my gaze again and lifted my fork with the barely cooked piece of steak to my mouth and chewed.

"Delicious," I told him.

When I finished, he cleared my plate and he returned with a different one with chocolate covered strawberries.

"Did you make these, too?" I asked.

"I dipped them, yes," he said.

"What? You didn't grow the strawberries yourself?"

He smiled. "Not enough time to," he replied.

I took a big juicy, chocolatey bite and moaned with pleasure. "I wish you could enjoy this as much as I am right now."

"I am enjoying it," he said, looking at me with his deep golden eyes. I blushed.

I ate five big strawberries before I couldn't take another bite.

"You know, Alice isn't going to like that I ate so much chocolate today."

"Let me worry about her," he said. "Can I show you something in my room?"

I had to chuckle. What a line. And to hear it coming from my reserved boyfriend. I guess he was a man, after all.

We've been dating for about a month now and let's just say I've never used so much lip balm in my life. I couldn't get enough of those perfect lips I once only fantasized about touching. But we never went any further than making out. Not even any heavy petting.

I smiled at him and nodded. I didn't want to scare him off into thinking he needed to be a total gentleman with me.

He took my hand and led me up the stairs. When we reached the top step, my shoe caught the edge and I tumbled forward when Edward immediately caught me and literally swept me off my feet.

I let out a cry of surprise and I was being whisked away in Edward's arms and I just held onto his neck for the ride.

He carried me through the threshold of his room and sat me down on his bed. He got down on his knee and put one hand on my calf while the other gently slipped off a heel. The feel of his cold, firm hand on my leg made me shiver with pleasure. He slowly did the same for the other shoe. He looked up at me from his kneeling position and I couldn't believe he was mine. For now.

He rose to kiss me and I fell back on the bed with him on top of me. He deftly maneuvered my body to the middle of his bed never breaking contact with my mouth. I felt my face and body warming as it always did when Edward was kissing me. I put my arms around his neck and I ran my hands through his soft hair pulling him closer to me.

His lips moved from my lips to my cheek to my ear. He brought a hand to my face caressing my cheek and I turned my head to kiss his hand. His mouth moved from below my ear down my jawline to my neck, kissing me as he explored new territory.

I opened my eyes and saw a huge bouquet of white and pink orchids on his desk. I was flush with blood coursing through my body and breathing heavily as his mouth on my neck was making me feel things I didn't know I could.

"I thought we said no presents," I said in a low breathless voice.

He lifted his head from my neck briefly enough to see my face and that I was looking at the flowers. He buried his face back in neck where I wanted it to be and he said in between kisses, "I got that for myself."

I laughed. "Oh, really? I didn't know you were a flower kind of guy."

"You think vampires don't stop to smell the flowers?"

"I didn't say anything about vampires. I was talking about you specifically," I said, when he stopped kissing my neck. I didn't want him to stop. I lowered my head to see him looking at me, disapprovingly.

"I was going to let you enjoy the flowers I got, maybe even let you take them home later, but I think I'll have to rethink that now," he said. He waited till I smiled to bring his head up to kiss me again.

He quickly made his way back down my neck and I knew better this time than to distract him. He made it down to my collarbone and he started to go further down. I was breathing heavily when he stopped above my heart. He turned his head to lean down on my chest, ear down.

My breathing steadied when I realized he wasn't going to go any further. His head moved with the heaving of my chest as I breathed in and out. He was listening to my heartbeat, which was steadily returning to its natural state.

I sighed. I put my hand over his head, his hair peeking out between my fingers. I was relinquishing myself to my amazingly will-powered boyfriend. I knew his hearing my heartbeat had stopped him but seeing as how that was something not under my control I wasn't sure if this was a deal breaker. I was feeling frustrated. I was just going to come right out and say it.

"I want you," I whispered.

"We can't," he whispered back, his head still on my chest not looking at me. "I can't control myself and I don't want to hurt you."

"I trust you," I told him. Did I? Did I trust him not to hurt me? A tiny feeling of doubt emerged from the back of my mind, but I ignored it. It was not relevant at this point. I was trying to coax him into making me feel good and I wasn't going to let anything get in my way.

"I don't trust myself to be strong enough for you," he said.

"Are you ever going to?" I asked. I should know now so I don't work myself into further frenzies just to be teased and let down. It was silent in the room except for my breathing, and my heart beating, I imagine, to Edward.

I didn't know if his silence meant that he didn't know or if it was a definite no.


	21. Wild

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 21**

**Wild**

* * *

The sun shone through the window and curtains to where I was laying in my futon bed. I was on my side and I turned on my back to lift my arm up to let the rays warm my hand.

I imagined my Edward sparkling in the same sunlight.

Spring was on the horizon and the cold weather was letting up slowly as the days passed. Today, the sun decided to peek out over our cloudy little town.

Alice had anticipated this, of course. She was more reliable than a weather girl.

Since Edward wouldn't be able to pick me up during the day, he lent me his car the night before so I could drive myself over when I was ready.

But since it was a rare, sunny day, I decided to stop by town to check out some stores before I headed over to the Cullen residence.

I took my time getting ready, and I put on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, a plaid buttoned shirt, and a sweatshirt.

I drove the Volvo into town and saw that I was not the only one to decide to take advantage of the nice weather. I searched for a spot and I ended up having to park the car a bit away from the stores and walked over.

I checked out the usual places I went, like the thrift store and the bookstore. After I had looked around, I started walking back to the car. When I had gotten near the end of the long street, a big scruffy dog walked up beside me.

I slowed when I saw the dog, and so did it. When I came to a stop, it looked up at me. I didn't notice a collar, so I looked around me. There weren't any people around where I was, but I could see some pedestrians further down where I had come from. None seemed to be searching for a missing pet.

The dog was some sort of mutt and I figured it was a stray because it looked pretty dirty.

I wasn't in the habit of petting strange dogs, and I certainly wasn't going to touch a scraggly stray.

I started walking again and the dog followed. I hope it didn't think I was going to take it home with me.

"Shoo," I said, waving my arm but it just looked at me.

Just then, there was a noise near us. The dog perked its ears and it let out a low growl. It ran away from me and turned the corner into an alley. I heard yelling and voices, and I ran to where the dog went.

When I turned the corner, I saw the dog snarling in a crouching position at a couple young boys in dark hoodies. They were holding up empty glass beer bottles, looking ready to attack. The two boys stood nearly back-to-back, one facing the angry dog and the other facing the other direction.

That's when I noticed there was another person in the alleyway where the other boy was facing. I hadn't noticed him because he was hidden in the shadow of the building and because he was low to the ground, crouched like a lion, looking ready to pounce.

"Hey!" I yelled. I don't know what in the world compelled me to yell out like that, but it worked.

The boys, who seemed to be on high alert, got startled, and that's when the dog started barking at them.

One of them dropped the bottle he was holding where it smashed onto the pavement and shattered. He ran close to the wall, avoiding the dog and past me. The other one, left behind, yelled "Wait up!" and started running after his friend flinging the bottle behind him. The second bottle made a loud clang sound as it rolled down and to the side.

The dog skipped a few steps barking after the boys.

I walked, stepping onto some of the broken glass that crackled under my shoes, toward the other person, who was still crouched in a defensive position and said, "Hey, are you all right?" His face was mostly hidden as it was in a lowered position and his long, messy hair concealed it.

He slowly stood up, and my eyes widened in shock as I saw that he was... completely naked.

I quickly averted my eyes up and turned around. I blushed.

"Oh my God," I said. "You're naked." Way to state the obvious.

"Seems so," a voice said behind me. It was a slightly deep, but friendly voice. He sounded amused for someone standing stark naked in an alleyway in the daytime.

The dog walked back toward me, wagging his tail, and sat down looking at me.

"Did those kids steal your clothes?" I asked.

"Um, no, but they are destroyed," he said, still behind me.

"Okay," I said. Whatever that means. "Do you want me to call the police? Should we report those kids?" I felt awkward standing there, talking to the air with a naked man standing behind me.

"Nah," he said. "No harm done. I'm just going to go home."

"Wait!" I said. I turned around, with my eyes tightly shut and hands out. "Wait. How are you going to get home, like that?"

"I was going to run through the woods. Nobody will see me," he said.

There was going to be a naked man streaking through the woods. "Someone might see you. It's a nice day, there's a lot of people out. Let me get you some clothes," I told him, with my eyes still shut.

There was a pause. "No thanks," he said.

I felt ridiculous talking to him with my eyes closed. I lifted my head up to the sky and to the side and opened them. I still felt kind of ridiculous. "No, really, I insist. If for the poor child out hiking with their family who might catch a glimpse. You're not some weird pervert, are you?"

I took his silence as his thinking it over. I think the opportunity to push my case further.

I said, "I'll be real quick. The stores are right down the street. At least let me get you some pants."

He was quiet. I wondered if he was still standing there, since I had my head awkwardly to the side. No, I think I would've heard him leave, even if he had no clothes to make sounds.

"Just pants," he said.

"Okay, I'll be right back," I said. I turned around, and I stopped. "Oh, and watch out for the glass," I warned him. I slid a foot across the pavement, without looking of course, to scrape some of the shattered glass pieces to the side.

I ran down the street to the nearest clothes store. Luckily, they carried some casual men's clothing and I looked for the pants section.

Hmm, I had forgotten to ask his size. This was going to be hard. I had never shopped for men's clothing, not even my father's. I didn't know how men's sizes ran. And I doubt the naked man would wait again if I went to ask him his size. Fortunately, I spotted some sweatpants that went by the letter sizes. I still didn't know which size he was exactly, but better to overestimate than underestimate in this situation. I picked a gray sweatpants in a size extra large, I think he was tall, and I paid at the register. I told the cashier I wouldn't need a bag.

I thought of shoes for him, but sizing was more important for that and I didn't want to keep him waiting in case he changed his mind. Maybe I could persuade him to let me dress him further once he had some pants on.

I ran back toward the alley, feeling the burn (I was really going to have to exercise more), and turned the corner.

I realized my mistake as soon as I came around, that I shouldn't barge into somewhere when someone is naked, but I was saved the embarrassment because he wasn't there.

I was panting, catching my breath, wondering where he went, when the dog appeared from the other end of the alley where the forest began.

Still a little out of breath, I walked toward where the dog was. When I had caught up to him, he turned around and we walked to the end.

When I came out the other side, I caught the shape of a figure to my left in my periphery and instinctively jumped. I was right at the corner so I could see his profile as he was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, with his foot closest to me propped up against the wall so his thigh hid his man parts from my view.

I flipped my back to him again and thought, you have got to stop doing that. He was obviously not shy about his body.

"I thought you left," I said, and I took the newly purchased sweatpants I had slung over my shoulder and extended my arm behind me.

The pants pulled away from my hand, and after a few seconds, I asked, "Decent?"

"As decent as I'll be, I guess," he said.

I slowly turned around. He was taller than I thought he was. And his hair had calmed down a bit. Or at least I thought it had. I hadn't looked too closely at his face that first moment I saw him.

He had long, dark, now less messy hair and his skin was a warm, tanned color. He had dark eyes and a serious, edgy expression that somehow didn't fit his boyish features.

His eyes were moving over my face, assessing me like I was him, when they stopped at my eyes and held its stare.

I remembered when I had first seen him. He was like a wild animal. I was reminded of this as I stared at him now.

"Thank you," he said kindly, startling me. "How can I pay you back?"

I shook my head lightly. "It's not necessary," I returned. "Do you live far?" I asked.

"No. I'll be fine. No danger of flashing anyone, thanks to you," he smiled.

I was instantly disarmed by his smile. Even though he looked disheveled and wild, his smile opened up his face, and I could see he was very handsome.

I couldn't help smiling back.

The dog stepped over to the no longer naked man and nudged his leg. He bent down and pet the dog's head.

"Good dog. What's his name?" he asked.

I raised my eyebrows. "I thought he was yours," I told him.

They both looked up at me. The man patted the dog's back a couple times and stood back up.

"He likes you, though," he said. I looked down at the dog. It yawned.

He started stepping away from me backwards towards the woods. As he was walking farther from me in nothing but the gray sweatpants, I could see his body better. He was not only tall, he was very muscular. He could give Emmett a run for his money, not that I had seen Emmett shirtless, but I imagined he would.

The dog which stood between us, looked to each of us. As the man got farther away, the dog looked at him, hesitated and then ran up to his side.

I thought it made the wiser choice. I would have had to just leave it here.

The man smiled at the dog and let it follow. He looked back at me and said loudly, "By the way, I'm Jacob. Jacob Black. What's your name?"

"Bella," I said. He was quite a bit away from me by then, so I was about to yell it louder, when he smiled and turned to run into the forest. Had he heard me?

I watched as he maneuvered deftly through the forest floor as the dog chased after him. I saw his bare feet and scolded myself for forgetting to offer to get him shoes. In a few seconds, he was gone from view, and I figured his feet would be okay.

I walked back through the alley to the car.

I made it to Edward's home without further delay.

The siblings and I were gathered in the living room. Rosalie and Emmett were playing chess and Jasper was reading a book. Alice was sitting next to him flipping through catalogs and I sat next to Edward.

"How was your day?" Edward asked me.

"It was good," I answered absentmindedly. After a second, I informed, "I went to town, found a stray dog, bought a naked man some pants."

Everyone stopped what they were doing and their heads turned to me.

"What?" Edward asked. He wasn't angry. He seemed more bewildered, like he had just misheard me. Like he could mishear anything.

I laughed. I laughed harder at their questioning, shocked expressions. I laughed even harder at the prospect of having to elaborate. I didn't know if I wanted to. It was such a ridiculous episode. I was sure Edward would say something like I was a magnet for trouble and he would never let me do anything by myself again.

Emmett joined my laughing. Then Alice joined in. And even Jasper. Maybe he was affected by everyone else's moods.

"Well, if anyone needs pants, it would be a naked man," said Rosalie, cracking a smile.


	22. The Future

Notes: Thanks for all the great reviews. And I have to add, some of you are very observant readers.

Featured Music: Broken Social Scene - "Lover's Spit" ; The Smiths "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want"

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. Songs and lyrics belong to their respective artists. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 22**

**The Future**

* * *

"Bella, will you accompany me to our junior prom?"

"Really?" I questioned.

"'Really?' Is that any way to answer your boyfriend when he is being sincere about taking you to a high school dance?" Edward playfully chided me.

"Did Alice put you up to this?" I asked being stubborn. And I could see a glint of pain in his eyes. And I immediately regretted not taking him seriously.

"No," he said quietly.

Why couldn't I be a girly girl and be ecstatic about my gorgeous boyfriend wanting to take me out to a formal dance? Social events, especially ones that require gowns, were not something I was used to nor something I ever intended to be frequenting.

"Do you want to dance with me, Edward?" I asked. I asked because I wanted to take the focus off me having just been a crap girlfriend. I asked because I wanted him to answer yes.

"Yes," he said.

I smiled. "Of course, I'll go to prom with you," I said. I finished that sentence in my head, _because I would do anything for you_. I gave him a kiss on the mouth. "I imagine Alice is going to have a field day with this."

* * *

"Hey, Bella," greeted Eric in the hallway. He caught me on a rare day when Edward was not by my side. He and his family were holed up at home because the sun was out today.

"Hey, Eric. What's up?" I saluted back.

"Edward's not here today?" he asked looking around. Wherever I was, he was bound to be near.

"No. Family hiking trip," I fibbed.

"Oh, right, nice day," Eric noted.

Being absent on only sunny days was pretty conspicuous, I thought, for a bunch of people trying to blend in. But, I guess shimmering in the daylight was a thousand times worse.

"You're going to junior prom, right?" he asked me. I nodded. "Well, I'm going to be DJ-ing it so I thought I'd take some requests. I know how much you like your music. I have to play all the pop standards, of course, the crowd pleasers. But I thought I'd slip in a few non-standards, you know, for some musical re-education."

"That's awesome, Eric. Yeah, let me make a list. That's really nice of you to ask. And if you don't mind, I can ask Edward. He has a ton of music, way more than me," I said. Maybe this prom wasn't going to be so bad after all.

"Wow, yeah. I guess I could see Edward having a big collection. His whole family, actually, seems like they would be collectors," he said.

"Collectors?" I repeated.

"Yeah, like rich people like to collect things that they find fascinating so they can own them. It's like a power thing." He seemed to regret his statement when he looked at my pondering face.

Did the Cullens collect things, I tried to think. I guess they did. They had gadgets and clothes and art and books. But nothing stood out to me as anything they especially coveted. All the things they had made them seem normal, as normal as extremely rich people can be, and typical. Yes, they seemed... human.

Even Edward, who was the most aloof at school was probably the most approachable now because of our relationship. It made him seem more real, like a teenage boy with a girlfriend.

And I was the girlfriend that made it possible... Was I a prop? Was I this vampire's human beard? Was I collected?

I brushed the thoughts out of my head. Edward made me so self-conscious and made me question myself too much. Whether it was true or not, I would not let it interfere with my precious time with him.

I decided to change the subject and put us both out of our awkward misery. "So who are you taking with you to prom?" I asked Eric.

"Bella, I just told you I was the DJ."

"So? You're not going to be up there the whole night, right?" I asked. "You're going to have a play list. You can hit play. Don't you want to hang out with your friends and dance a bit? Enjoy the music you're going to play?"

Eric shyly put his hand on the back of his head. "Well, I don't know. I didn't really think about it," he said. He clearly had. I could tell by his body language. "I guess it'd be fun to be on the dance floor for at least part of the night."

"Yeah. Live a little," I urged. "So, is there anyone you want to ask?"

"Not really. I think a lot of people have dates already. I don't know who'd want to go with the DJ anyway," said Eric, doubt in his voice.

"Are you kidding? Girls love musicians," I said. He blushed at my flattery.

It was true. There was something about musicians. I know I was totally impressed by all the Cullens having some sort of musical ability, even if they had a hundred years or so to practice. And I had to admit Edward's playing piano and guitar was a turn on.

"What about Angela? I don't think she has a date yet," I suggested.

"Angela?" he said hesitantly.

"Yeah, why not? It doesn't have to be awkward. You guys hang out all the time, right? It's perfectly natural for good friends to go to parties together," I said.

"I guess," he said, thinking. "I didn't really think about it before."

"Look, I'm not trying to play match-maker or anything. Don't think of it romantically. It's just friends helping each other out," I said. "No pressure. I won't mention this conversation to Angela, and if you decide to ask someone else, then no sweat."

"Yeah, all right. Thanks," he said and headed to his class. I watched him walk away, and somehow I didn't feel like I had helped at all.

* * *

It was a weird time around school. Springtime was here and besides the relief of milder weather, there was the heightened emotions surrounding prom. Was there really nothing more important than a little dance in a little town?

I guess there wasn't.

Eric did end up asking Angela to the dance to which she accepted. And Jessica asked Mike to the dance, which I was completely for. Why shouldn't a woman ask a man out? All the more power to her.

I got roped into going dress shopping with Jessica and Angela at Port Angeles a few weeks before prom, on a Saturday morning no less.

I told them I wasn't going to buy a dress, but they insisted they needed a tie-breaker opinion, and I couldn't begrudge them some quality time. I haven't exactly been the best gal pal to them since I started seeing Edward.

I was actually okay giving them my opinions on their fittings. I had learned a thing or two, reluctantly as it may have been, from Alice and I was employing those lessons well here. And I had a much better time looking at my friends trying on dresses than being the one in their shoes.

"Are you sure you don't want to try any on?" Angela asked. She was in a pink frilly number that was quite frankly, a bit 80s. I guess Alice's impeccable fashion taste had spoiled me. I was not going to take her wardrobe choices for granted. I may not like being her dress-up doll, but I saw now that I was quite lucky.

"No thanks," I said. But I wasn't going to explain that was because Alice draped only the finest fabrics on me every chance she got.

"So what are you going to wear?" asked Jessica. She was wearing a light blue strappy dress.

"Don't know yet," I said.

"You should find something before the good ones are all out," Jess said.

"I can't really afford a dress. Alice is going to lend me something," I admitted.

"That's nice," said Angela.

"Yeah," added Jessica. "She probably has a ton of designer dresses." I could detect a hint of jealousy in her face. It did make me a bit uncomfortable, especially since I could empathize. I knew she wasn't alone in her jealousy, and I would be, too if I was looking from the outside in. If it were some other girl who had caught the fancy of Edward and his beautiful affluent family, I'd be green with envy.

"You know what, I think I will try something on," I said trying to distract from expensive clothing. I grabbed the nearest gown to me in my size, which was a total mistake, because it was a hideous dress. It was an ugly brown color with unnecessarily puffy flowers on it. And it made my skin itch.

And I liked it. I didn't like the dress, obviously, but I liked that it was something Alice would totally gag at, if she could gag. I smiled when I thought of how Alice would react if she were here right now. She probably would have literally torn the dress off of me.

I got my cell phone and asked Angela to snap a picture of me in the dress. I made sure to pose for it to make it especially cheesy. Then I found more hideous dresses and tried them on, taking pictures of me in them too. And I actually had fun.

We went to a couple more stores and after several hours worth of shopping, Angela and Jessica found their dresses, along with shoes and accessories.

When I was dropped off at home, I was pretty tired, but I called Edward and he came to pick me up to hang out at his house. It was mid-afternoon by then and when we arrived at his home, Alice was waiting for me at the door.

"Have fun trying on dresses?" she asked.

"Actually I did," I quipped. I flipped out my phone and went to the pictures. I showed Edward, to which he smiled. Alice flitted over and let out a cry of shock when she saw my tacky pics.

"How could you, Bella?" she cried. "This actually pains me. Pains me! Have I taught you nothing?"

"You taught me everything, Alice," I returned. "Which is why I tried these on. Aren't these great?" I looked to Edward for his input.

"They're beautiful," Edward agreed. "I especially think you're lovely in this one. What color would you call this dress?" he says pointing to the phone screen with me posing like an idiot in a puffy dress.

"Hmm, that's a good question," I said looking. "Brown, no, puce. Such a pretty color for a dress."

"Puce? Yeah, even the name puce is pretty," he said, continuing the joke. Alice was getting even more outraged.

"Yes, so pretty. But I kind of like this one, too," I said, swiping through the pictures. "This neon green dress. I think it's pretty flattering." He nodded.

Alice let out exasperated little screams. It was cute watching her small frame get worked up.

"I know you guys are trying to irritate me, but you do not joke about fashion!" she yelled. "I'm going to show you real dresses, Bella!"

"Uh oh," I let out. I looked pleadingly at Edward. We had gone too far. I immediately grabbed Edward's arm to anchor me but it was no use. Alice swatted away Edward's arm with force and she more delicately but still firmly picked me up and carried me away from my bemused boyfriend to her room.

"Do we have to do this today?" I whined on the way. I had just come from a long day of shopping and trying on dresses.

Jasper was sitting up in their bed when we entered. I felt very silly being carried around by a girl smaller than me. She let me down and I blushed in front of Jasper.

"Out!" she ordered him.

His eyes widened for a moment and they looked upon me with sympathy. He slowly climbed off the bed and walked past me, never breaking his stare.

"Help," I mouthed to him as he sauntered past. I didn't usually have much interaction with Jasper, but I was desperate at the moment. He lifted his arms and shrugged his shoulders in a nothing-I-can-do gesture and left the room, closing the door behind me. I was trapped.

Alice who was in her giant closet came out with a pile of clothes, in a seemingly more relaxed manner than a few seconds ago. Had Jasper calmed her, I wondered.

If he had, I thanked him in my mind, as she took it easy on me. I only tried on a few dresses when she could definitely have pushed more on me.

I was currently in a gorgeous puffy princess gown lying on her floor. The dress had a strapless bodice with tiny sparkling gems covering it. The skirt part of the dress was long with many puffy layers of tulle and was very full. The color was black on the top part but faded to a light gray at the bottom. The gems also were fuller on the bodice and became sporadic on the top of the skirt area.

I really did feel like a princess in it. All I needed was a tiara, but I wasn't going to ask Alice because I knew she would actually be able to produce one, possibly real diamond encrusted with a scepter.

I lay on her floor on my tiny island of tulle made by my dress. Music was playing and I was listening to the lyrics of "Lover's Spit" by Broken Social Scene and thinking.

I thought about how my life could have easily been so different. I could be anywhere else, probably alone, content but not happy. Was I happy now? I wasn't sure. Yes, I was happy but there was something dark lurking around.

Alice was trying on a dress as well. She was evaluating herself in the mirror. I turned my head slightly to see her from the angle of the floor.

"That dress looks really good on you, Alice," I said softly.

"Thanks. You like that dress you're wearing, don't you?" she said.

"I love it."

"You should wear it to prom," she said.

"Oh, no, I couldn't wear this. It's too much. It's not even our senior prom. I think I'd like to go a little less formal, if you don't mind," I asked.

She walked over and laid down next to me in her dress. "I think you would dazzle everyone in that dress, but if you prefer something else, I have a few others you can look at later," she said.

I smiled and thanked her. She was being unusually reasonable concerning the clothes she put on me.

There were a few moments of silence. My mind wandered to Edward as it was want to do. Then my mind wandered to Jasper and Alice.

"How long have you been with Jasper?" I boldly asked. We both we looking straight ahead up at the ceiling.

"We haven't been together as long as the others in our family. I guess we're the newlyweds of the family," she said. "We haven't been married the longest, but we certainly have been married the most times," she laughed. I joined her laughing. Of course, Alice would want to plan her weddings. I was sure she planned the others' extra weddings as well, if they let her.

"Are other vampires married or coupled up like you guys, or are you different because you socialize with people more?"

"Oh, no. It's kind of the opposite of what you think. Humans split up and divorce all the time. Vampires usually mate for life," she said.

She piqued my interest. I shifted my head toward her direction.

She continued, "Ironic, I know. You'd think that immortality would make you fickle, want to be with lots of different people, try different things, choose different paths, but it actually has the opposite effect. Humans, who have limited time, sense their finite nature, and make many wrong choices or give up too easily. They cling to their mortality and to different people looking for happiness that they can't find. They don't know what they're doing and do stupid things. Vampires don't have that problem and they choose who they want to spend eternity with. When not faced with death and mortality, things become clearer in an eye-opening, sobering sense."

This was surprising to know. Other vampires' existences were unknown to me, but I was told to fear them as violent, scary monsters. But apparently, they knew how to love as well.

"How did you know? That you loved Jasper? That he was the one?"

"I saw him. I saw our love," she stated.

"Right. I guess seeing the future would make things easier," I said. Her powers were useless on me. And as I spent more time with her family, she was seeing less of their futures, as I guess I was in them. So I sometimes forgot she had such an extraordinary gift. "I wish you could see my future." I wish she could see if Edward and I are together in the future. Maybe that would have eased some of the doubts in my mind about us.

"It's true. I saw Jasper in my visions, saw that we would be together. All I kept seeing in my future was him, and I ended up having to wait a long time for him. And you know me, I'm not the most patient person in the world," she said.

"Yeah, but if you saw how happy you two would be together, that must have made the waiting worth it."

"As much as your blind spot annoys me, I do think you're lucky, Bella. You don't have to be a prisoner to fate. Because fate can be a prison. Yes, we can change the future, but there are some things that will happen, no matter what. And then you start to wonder if you're making the right choice or if it's really your choice at all. It gets very confusing sometimes. And meeting Jasper and our family was not one of those things. I could be somewhere else right now, as someone else with someone else."

"Do you wonder about that? Or did you see it?"

"No, and I don't need visions to know I couldn't be happier anywhere else without my Jazz. I did have an advantage by seeing him first, but no vision could've let me feel the way I do when I'm with him and touch him. It couldn't let me know who he really is the way I know him by having been with him. That's what really let me know he was mine and I was his. My point is, you don't really need to know your future to know your future."

She was right about fate. Some things couldn't be avoided. And my fate was death. My future with or without Edward would always end with me dying.

I suddenly felt sad and empty. I needed him desperately right now.

I pushed myself up and ran out of Alice's room towards Edward's, tulle flowing behind me. Edward heard me running to him or maybe read Alice's mind but he stepped into the hallway from his room. He looked perfect standing there in his untucked white button down shirt and black pants.

I ran to him like Cinderella running away from the ball still in her fairytale dress and barefoot, and I jumped into his open arms where he caught me and twirled me around.

I felt like I was home in his arms. All my anxiety slipped away for the moment.

"You're perfect," I said while in his embrace.

He took me into his room and brought us to his bed where I snuggled up next to him. I heard the Smiths singing "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want" in the background.

"I'm not perfect," he corrected, kissing me on the crown of my head.

"You're right," I said, suddenly tired and most comfortable. "You're almost perfect. There's one thing keeping you from being perfect." I yawned and put my arm around his chest to his shoulder.

"What's that?"

"I'll tell you another time," I said sleepily and dozed off.

I dream.

I dream that I am at prom in my sparkling princess dress. A slow song plays and Edward holds out his hand for mine. I place mine on his pale, cold hand and he whisks me away to the center of the dance floor where the other dancers make way for us. I have my arms around his neck and his are around my lower back. The other couples stop dancing and start to stand around in a circle around us, staring. I don't notice at first because I'm looking at Edward's face but his expression changes. He is no longer smiling. He becomes impassive. His hands fall from my waist to his sides. He stands there, still like a statue. I look around at the mob around us. They start laughing at me. I look to Edward but he's gone. I twirl around to look for him in the crowd but I can't find him. The other kids stop laughing. They are now scowling at me, judging me. They are angry and start circling in. I know they want to do me harm. I tell them to stop, but no sound comes out. I scream; no sound comes out. I silently yell for Edward. I plead for them to let me go, but I'm only mouthing the words. I'm alone and scared, but no tears come out. The angry crowd tears at me and I know I'm going to die.

I wake up.


	23. Seeing Stars

Notes: Thanks for the reviews - broke 200!

Featured Music: Black Kids - "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You" ; (lyrics from) Raised by Swans - "Violet Light"

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. Songs and lyrics belong to their respective artists. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 23**

**Seeing Stars**

* * *

Alice and I got ready. Or rather, Alice got her and me ready. I was at her disposal. She said wear this, and I wore it. She said don't blink, and I tried my best not to blink. She said pucker up, and I puckered up. And before I knew it, I looked pretty decent. Unrecognizable even.

Alice did indeed let me go subtle in my dress choice. I wore a deep blue above-the-knees dress that she said brought out my skin tone and hair color.

She waved my hair and let it down and loose. Alice lent me some amazing jewelry, including a diamond necklace which she assured me was fake. I wore matching blue platform high heels with red soles.

Alice put red lipstick on me and lightened my eyes with pink shadow. She put the red lipstick, gloss, and my cell phone into a matching red clutch and handed it to me.

She wore a strapless pink long fitted gown that made her petite figure look stunning and elongated. She slicked back her normally spiky short hair into waves like a 40s movie star.

I took the camera she usually used to take pictures of me in the dresses and I took a picture of her because she looked so beautiful I wanted to capture her in the moment. She smiled and took the camera from me and put it on her desk. She walked over to me and hugged me.

I heard beeping noises and she turned me around toward facing her desk. Then I saw an orange light from her camera and a clicking noise.

She took my hand and we walked down the stairs together. At the bottom were the others awaiting for us.

My Edward looking amazingly gorgeous in (eek!) a suit and tie. He took my breath away. He smiled at me so proudly, I thought I was going to swoon at the sight of him. Maybe I should let Alice dress me up more.

He was wearing a black jacket and pants, a white shirt, and a blue tie that matched my dress perfectly. Alice must have picked it out for him. He looked absolutely flawless and he was my date for the night.

I walked over to him slowly and steadily and I held myself as close to him as I could without actually pressing myself on him. With my heels, I was quite a bit taller than usual and I came up to above his shoulders. He leaned his head down and with his mouth he kissed me above my ear and whispered, "You are so beautiful."

I blushed unabashedly. "So are you," I whispered back.

After a few seconds of our public private moment, I turned around still blushing to face the rest of his family to see everyone dressed up. Jasper looked quite handsome in his black suit, white shirt, and black tie, a sharp contrast to Alice's light colored dress.

Emmett was also in a black suit and tie, also in contrast to Rosalie's impeccable white formal pant suit with wide legged pants.

Carlisle was in a dark suit and blue tie, like Edward, but his tie was a different shade of blue with tiny patterns on it. Esme looked youthful but elegant in a little black dress.

"Is everyone going to prom?" I joked.

Edward informed me that Carlisle had a medical conference in Seattle the next day, and he and Esme were going early to town for a weekend getaway. And Emmett and Rosalie were going out on a date.

Jasper drove us to the school auditorium in his Mercedes. I felt a little silly when I realized how elegant the Cullens were compared to the small town fare our little junior prom was. But hell if I wasn't going to try and enjoy Edward in a suit.

I felt wonderful holding onto my hot boyfriend's arm as he escorted me into the decorated auditorium and the room grew hushed except for the music as people turned to stare at the four of us enter. I blushed and lowered my eyes. I couldn't look at all the people looking at us.

We walked over to our little table and sat down. I looked around the darkened room and I saw that it was decorated pretty well for what was probably a small budget. The color scheme sort of matched my dress, as blue and silver balloons, streamers, lights, and other decorations were scattered about the room.

I looked around at the other tables and I saw Jessica and Mike, Lauren and Tyler, and Angela at a bigger table a little distance away from ours. I saw a small station set up on the stage with Eric as the DJ. I waved at them.

Overall, the night went well. I enjoyed myself thoroughly dancing to the fast songs like "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You" by Black Kids (a request from me) with Angela and Jessica and the others. Even Eric came to join us later after he left his post on stage.

And I danced a couple slow songs with Edward. I didn't know how to slow dance, of course, never having had to do so before, but Edward was a patient teacher, leading the way. I did get a little uncoordinated a couple times as I'm apt to do around him and stepped on his toes. Lucky for me, he didn't feel pain from such minor afflictions as that.

After a group dance I had with Angela and Jessica and Mike, a slow song started and Mike asked me to dance.

I looked over at Edward who was sitting at our table with Alice and Jasper and he had an impassive expression. I didn't refuse Mike.

I warned him I was new to this, and he took it easy on me.

The singer sang,

_"I won't suffer this_  
_I won't suffer this for you_  
_fields of orchids burn_  
_left here standing, frozen through"_

We were quietly dancing to the song at arm's length, me concentrating on not stepping on his more fragile toes, when he started talking to me.

"He's going to hurt you," he said, barely audible.

"What?" I said, even though I was fairly sure I heard him correctly. Why would Mike say that to me?

_"dreaming_  
_it's cheap as apathy_  
_future atrophies_  
_the more I dream_  
_still I crawl inside your grave_  
_for those lost November days"_

He repeated himself, nodding his head in Edward's direction. I was afraid to look at him for fear of his reaction. I was surprised Mike wasn't sent flying across the room already. What was Mike thinking and what was Edward hearing?

_"your star_  
_through the scars_  
_through the scars_  
_I'll find your light again"_

I didn't respond. I suddenly felt like I could cry, but I stopped myself. I didn't know where this sudden flow of emotion came from. I looked over at Edward, and I saw not anger, but sadness.

That's when I knew Edward was as unsure as I was about our future. All this time I had ignored this glaring bit of uncertainty. This issue that would have to be addressed, that I kept putting off.

Mike absorbed my silence and continued. "You know that already, don't you?" he asked, not in an accusing way but in a sympathetic tone.

I knew it like the inevitability of the sun rising.

"He won't," I said, my voice shaky in a feeble attempt to hide the swelling feelings inside me. I wasn't fooling anybody, not even myself. "Not on purpose," I tried to reason.

I pulled away from Mike and excused myself poorly. I walked quickly out of the auditorium into the cool night air.

I took deep breaths and opened my eyes wide to let the cool air dry my teary eyes. I refused to let a tear actually drop from my eyes. I knew I had to hurry because Edward would rush to my side to check on me. I could only hope that the crowd of people would slow him down a second or two.

I walked further down the walkway, my heels clicking satisfyingly on the concrete. I saw a couple of people walking by and loitering outside with their dates. I walked to a somewhat more secluded area. Edward hadn't appeared yet. I think he was trying to give me some space.

After my eyes were at a normal moisture rate, I wondered why Edward hadn't checked on me and I turned around and he was standing a few yards behind me. I stopped in my tracks when I saw him.

He walked toward me slowly.

Before he could ask, I said, "I'm all right," softly.

He took off his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders. I looked up at him. I wanted to see his face. His beautiful face with his beautiful eyes that would one day hurt me.

When I felt the same emotions flowing again inside me, I looked up, past his face to the dark skies. There were stars out. Stars that were looking down at us, and I imagined them laughing at us or crying for us or indifferent to our lives. Alice couldn't see my future, but maybe the stars knew. Maybe it was written in them like some secret language I had to decipher but never would.

Edward looked up at the skies with me. I wondered what he saw. He could see them much more clearly than I could, and he had known them for much longer. Maybe he knew their language but was afraid to tell me because it translated to tragedy.

I looked back at my Edward's face and I reached my arms around his neck. He hugged me back and lowered his gaze to meet mine and I longingly kissed him. I kissed him under the light of the stars.

* * *

The rest of the night went well. I calmly collected myself and neatly swept the unpleasant thoughts to the back of my mind, a skill I was becoming so adept at.

When the four of us returned to their home, I changed back to my clothes, like Cinderella at the stroke of midnight, and I became plain old Bella.

Edward drove me home, like he did every night. I never spent a night at the Cullens' even though I knew Phil wouldn't dare object.

It was pretty late by then, but Edward said Phil wasn't home, so I let him escort me to the apartment. He looked into my eyes and told me he had a wonderful time with me. He stole my line.

I kissed him and never wanted to let go.

He pulled away from me and said, "Your father's home."

"What?" I panicked. Phil had never officially met Edward. I was good at keeping them separate, especially since Edward could sense Phil from far away.

"Bella, it's okay," he said. "I can disappear if you want. But are you never going to introduce me to him? Are you ashamed of me?"

"Of course not," I said. But this was not the way I wanted it to go, at 2 in the morning with my father who's obviously going to be drunk. But I had been backed into a corner by Edward's words.

I looked doubtfully but said, "Is he up to meeting you? I mean, mentally."

"I think he'll be okay," he said. "He seems to be in a good mood."

Maybe Phil's being drunk was not a hindrance, after all.

We stood in the middle of the living room, facing the door, waiting for it to be opened.

I heard Phil coming down the hall, then the sound of keys jangling outside. There was a jiggle of the doorknob and the door finally opened. Phil stepped inside making big, delayed movements.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw a tall stranger in his apartment next to his daughter. The door closed behind him.

I cleared my throat. "Dad, this is Edward. Edward, this is my father, Phil."

Edward walked toward him and extended his hand. Phil leaned back instinctively then warily shook Edward's hand. I saw Phil look down at the hand in slight surprise, probably a reaction to his coldness.

"I went to the school dance I told you about and Edward was just bringing me home," I explained. Phil took his eyes off of Edward for a second to register me, then quickly returned looking at Edward.

I know fathers are supposed to be suspicious of their daughter's suitors, and granted I had never had one before, but Phil seemed soberly suspect of Edward. It was kind of scary, this reaction he was having. I had never seen him like this before. He seemed almost angry. So much for the drunken good mood.

"Edward was just dropping me off. He was about to leave," I said trying to end this uncomfortable meeting.

"It was nice meeting you, sir. I'm sorry it's so late and I hope next time we will meet under better circumstances," Edward said oozing his charm.

"It's my fault you haven't been introduced earlier," I said to Phil.

Phil's expression lightened only slightly to Edward's charm. He didn't look so angry but he was still very wary of him, I could tell. Edward, I knew, could sense it, too, much better than me, but he didn't let up and kept smiling.

"I'm going to walk him out," I told Phil and tried to end this miserable meeting. I was sort of glad I had prolonged this thing, because I had a feeling Phil was not acting this way because of the late hour. He seriously had a problem with Edward.

Edward bid a still scowling Phil good night and I ushered him out the door.

We walked outside of the building and I took a deep breath.

"What was that?" I exhaled.

Edward kept his friendly smile. I didn't know if he was doing that for my sake.

"What was he thinking?" I asked my mind-reading boyfriend.

"You look like her," he said. "Your mother."

My brows raised in surprise. That was not what I was expecting him to say.

"He still thinks about her. A lot," he said. "That day, when you asked me what your father was dreaming about. That was your mother, not you, wasn't it?"

I blushed. I remembered that day. Edward explained he could see dreams and he thought he was seeing me in Phil's dreams but I knew better. But I didn't explain to Edward, instead opting to change the subject and not correct him.

"You remind him of her. So it's hard for him. But he loves you. He's sorry he can't show you better," Edward said softly. His eyes became sympathetic and I lost my train of thought for a second.

Then I got it back. "Wait a second. You got all that just now? He looked angry. What else was he thinking about?" I asked. He was obviously leaving some things out on purpose.

"He's obviously suspicious of his daughter's boyfriend," he said. "Every father has a right to be, no matter how uninvolved you think he is."

Now it was my turn to be suspicious of him. Of course, he made sense, but there was something off about him. He wasn't lying but he was omitting something.

Did Phil suspect something otherworldly about him, just as I had? Could Phil come to that conclusion so quickly when it took me so long? But I was made from the same cloth as him so maybe there was something to it. I wasn't sure. Would Edward keep this from me? Perhaps. Did I want to know?

I decided not tonight. It was a long day, and it was too late, or too early depending on how you looked at it, for all this thinking.

I accepted Edward's explanation and bid him adieu. I walked back to our apartment to assess the damage from Phil.

When I got inside, he was not in the living area. His door was closed. I sighed with relief. I went to the bathroom to change into my pajamas and wash up.

When I came out of the bathroom, Phil was sitting on the couch. He startled me, to say the least.

"Is he your boyfriend?" he asked.

I blinked. It was so strange Phil prying into my personal life. He never did that.

"Yes," I answered after a moment's pause.

He seemed to be taking in the information. He didn't look happy at all.

He stood up suddenly from the sofa.

"I've never told you what to do, and I'm not going to start now. I know I haven't been the greatest father and maybe I haven't earned the right to tell you this, but I have a bad feeling about him," he said, shocking the hell out of me.

Then he walked to his room and closed the door behind him as if nothing had happened. I went and sat down on the couch. My mind was reeling.

I got it from all ends tonight. First Mike, then my own father.

I finally dragged myself to my bed in the corner and crawled in. It was past 2am and I was so tired, physically and mentally.

But on the bright side, I didn't dream about Edward leaving me that night. I guess I thought about it enough while awake.


	24. Forever Is a Long Time

Notes: I know some people are waiting for the big declarations of love, but there is a reason for all this to the story and not just to frustrate you. Well, maybe just a little to frustrate you - just enough to keep you interested, I hope.

Featured Music: Peter Von Poehl - "The Story of the Impossible"; Best Coast - "No One Like You"

Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. Songs and lyrics belong to their respective artists. No copyright infringement intended.

* * *

**Chapter 24**

**Forever Is a Long Time**

* * *

Finals were coming up and I was having a hard time taking in all the information. I felt frustrated that my mind was not absorbing the text and my notes.

I let out a frustrated cry and let my head drop into my notebook on the coffee table.

I was sitting on the floor of the living room in casa de Cullen, with my school mates lounging around me without a care in the world, certainly not about finals.

I heard a chuckle from someone, a male someone, though I couldn't tell which Cullen brother it was from. I was guessing it was Emmett.

He was playing on his Playstation. Edward was on the couch behind me, trying fruitlessly to help me. Jasper and Rosalie were playing chess and Alice, I think was in the kitchen with Esme.

I lifted my head back up, the paper sticking briefly to my forehead. I stared straight ahead in a blank gaze. I wished so much I had vampire memory. I was having such difficulty concentrating for some reason today. I saw that Rosalie and Jasper were looking in my direction, distracted from their game by my frustrated cries.

Edward was being patient with me as always, but all the patience wouldn't help if I was the one who was going to have to learn and memorize this stuff and I was the one who couldn't.

I was so anxious for the school year to be over. I was so anxious to have my days with Edward not be interrupted by school.

I needed a break. I looked at the television screen and Emmett was playing a first person shooting game.

Edward leaned in from behind me and said softly in my ear, "Maybe you'll be less distracted if we study in my room."

"No!" I spoke quickly. The others looked at me. I was sure with their hearing, they heard what Edward asked, and my hasty answer. I blushed.

If I thought the video game was distracting, there was no way I'd be studying in Edward's room, alone with him.

Edward leaned back. "Emmett, you can at least turn down the volume. We're trying to study here."

"_I'm_ trying to study here," I corrected. "You guys have done this all before, not that you would need to with your memories." Ugh, I really resented their nonchalant attitudes right now. Junior year is an important year.

Emmett let out an annoyed sigh and lowered the volume on the remote and went back to playing.

Rosalie and Jasper finished their game, with Jasper winning, it looked like. They went to sit on either side of Emmett to watch his playing.

I looked back down at my French textbook. There was a cartoon drawing of a park with people and a dog.

It was no use, I was way too distracted to concentrate. "Have you guys ever had a pet?" I asked.

"You mean besides you?" said Emmett.

Jasper gave him a swift punch in his arm, pushing Emmett's body slightly and making him lose grip on the controller. It was quick, but he must have hit him hard, I realized.

"Ow, dude, you made me die," Emmett said annoyed.

I was surprised Jasper would stick up for me like that. My eyes lingered on Jasper but he didn't acknowledge me, didn't even look at me. He showed so little intent toward me, I forgot sometimes he was also a gentleman, of the southern kind.

"Would you have a pet hamburger?" Emmett absentmindedly said, re-concentrating on his game.

I scoffed at the absurdity of the imagery. I've heard of pet rocks, but I guess a pet hamburger would get pretty rank after a while, if you were averse to eating pets.

"Most animals either are frightened of us or hate us," said Edward from behind me on the couch, obviously annoyed at Emmett's bluntness. "Either way, they tend to run away from us."

"How about fish?" I suggested. "They can't exactly run away. And can you even drink fish blood?"

Esme and Alice appeared from the kitchen carrying plates of "study snacks" for me and placed them on the large coffee table where my books and notes were not scattered.

"Ew," Emmett made a face, furiously pushing the buttons on the controller. "Animals with four legs are gross enough as it is."

This time, Rosalie was the one to hit Emmett on his other arm. And Rosalie was not as gentle as Jasper. Emmett dropped the controller and it went skidding on the floor.

"Ow!" he cried again. "Why does everyone keep hitting me?"

Alice sat herself down next to Jasper and Esme quietly left the room.

Emmett watched her leave, and I think he realized his verbal snafu in front of his mother. I felt partially responsible for having broached the subject.

"Never mind," I said sullenly. An innocent topic turned into something else. I returned my attention to my book, but it didn't mean I was learning anything.

* * *

It was the last day of finals, finally. I had my biology honors and English honors finals. Two of my more difficult classes together.

Bio finals was first. There was a lot of labeling and open-ended questions. I think I did a pretty good job. I looked over at Edward and I saw that he was nearly done. I was sure he would be finished already, if he didn't have to write in humanly speed for the benefit of the unaware other people in the room. He would be done soon and he would have to wait for the rest of the period pretending to still be working and checking up on his answers.

When I finished, after taking almost the whole time allotted, he decided he finished, too, though he waited a little bit after me so it wouldn't look like we cheated.

I waited outside the classroom till he came out not too long after. He walked me to my English class. I took out my notes to review. I only had a few minutes to do this and I saw Jessica join us outside the doorway.

She made small talk asking about how much I studied and so forth. When the time came for us to go in, Edward kissed my forehead and wished me luck.

Essay writing was so dreadful, especially after having written so many of them during the year.

When I finished, I triumphantly left the room and embraced Edward gladly. And he drove us to his home where I got a pleasant surprise.

There in the living room was a new addition – an aquarium.

And it was a magnificent fish tank. It was large, placed in a nook in the wall, thin but wide, like the kind you see in lobbies of big buildings.

I let out an excited little gasp and walked toward it, the blue light of it drawing me near like a moth to a flame. I pressed my hand on the glass to get a closer view of the colorful fish in their new home and my eyes widened to take in all the details.

I saw a swirl of movement from the fish and I looked through the tank where Edward was leaning to look back at me. I automatically smiled.

"They're beautiful," I remarked.

"You like them," he said questioningly.

"Oh, yes," I said softly. I was trying to glimpse all the fish individually and I noticed there were two of each kind, or at least that looked similar. I knew that the more colorful ones had to be males as they were the ones that showed off to impress and hopefully be chosen by the females. A kind of departure from the human species.

"Would you like to name them?" he asked me.

I looked through the thick glass at him. He raised his head as he straightened up and walked around to stand next to me.

"You want me to name them?"

"Well, yes. It was your idea," he said.

"Oh, I hope you didn't get them for me," I pleaded.

"I did. But it was a good idea. It'll be nice to have some life in this house when you're not here," he said. He traced a long finger up on the glass when one of the fish caught notice and trailed along. Edward tapped the glass twice with the same finger and the fish whipped back and swam away. "You can name them and feed them everyday when you come over."

I blushed. I knew I came over to his house every day already, but having him say it out loud and in a future tense made me immensely happy.

I tried to think of some names. It was harder than I thought. Then I remembered the English final I had just taken. "How about Romeo and Juliet?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"I just had an essay question on it," I said plainly. "They seem to be in pairs. We could name those two that," I pointed to a pair of medium sized red fish.

In the end, I named the remaining pairs Tristan and Isolde, Heathcliff and Catherine, and Orpheus and Eurydice. There was a definite theme as those names were in the forefront of my mind as I cited them as other examples of doomed literary lovers in my essay.

There was one poor fish couple left to name.

"Can we give them a break, Bella?" Edward asked. "You're kind of dooming them all to die and we just got them."

"But they're in couples and the names just happen to be in my head because of the final," I said.

"Some of them aren't even female," he said in a kind of humored exasperation.

I shrugged my shoulders. "We have a theme now, though." I tried to think of couples who didn't tragically get separated and die.

"Brad and Angelina," Emmett said behind us, seeming to come out of nowhere.

I scrunched up my face in reflection. I smiled. "Fine."

Edward gave an expression of smiling surrender. He took my hand and led me to the couch where Alice was sitting. When I sat beside her, she leaned her body toward me expectantly.

I looked at her eager face and turned to Edward to explain.

"I have another surprise for you," he said, his expression unsure. I knew it had to be something that I might not find pleasing.

I looked around and Jasper was standing by the windows, Emmett and Rosalie by the fish tank.

"Okay," I braced myself, "what is it?"

"Bella, will you accompany me to prom?" he asked.

I let out a little laugh. "We already went to prom, or was it that forgettable?" I asked not getting the joke.

"Senior prom," he corrected.

I kept smiling. "That's a year away," I said hesitantly, still not getting the joke. I did feel kind of flattered that he was trying to ensure me as his date for a year ahead, but I knew that a lot could happen in a year.

A person's whole life could change.

"It's a few days away," chirped Alice from behind me.

I turned to face her. "But we're not seniors," I said. "I mean, you're going of course, with Jasper, but Edward and I..."

"Rosalie and Emmett are," she cut me off.

My brows furrowed in confusion.

"We can all go," she said. "There are three of them, and now three of us. Rosalie and Emmett bought two tickets each. So Edward can go as Rosalie's date and you as Emmett's. It's all formalities, of course, so we can all go together." She clapped her hands in excited anticipation.

I felt Edward's hand tug on mine so I turned to face him again.

"If you want, of course. We don't have to go. I just thought you might like another chance to party after finals. Which is why I didn't ask you before. I didn't want you to have to stress about this." He looked so unsure and eager to please.

To please me. The thought made my heart melt. Then I thought about seeing him in a suit and tie again and that made my heart soar.

I bit my lip shyly and nodded. His brows raised questioningly as he smiled and he started leaning toward me. That's when I got attacked from behind by Alice squealing with joy and hugging me and telling me she'll take care of everything. Like she always did, my personal dresser.

I yelped and laughed and when she finally let go, I hugged Edward. While still in his embrace, I saw Alice jump over to Jasper and hug him in her joy. He looked back at me, a small smile forming on his face. Then I looked over to Emmett who was his usual playful self, smirking back at me. Rosalie, cross-armed, stared back at me impassively.

Cinderella was going to another ball.

* * *

It was the night before my second prom. And I was in for a fitting with Alice. She was not happy that I had pushed this off until the night before, but I couldn't help it. Edward wanted to spend time with me, and when it was between make out time with Edward and makeup time with Alice, I'll always pick the former.

Not that Alice wasn't dear to me. She was the one I was closest to next to Edward. And I was getting used to her enthusiasm for dressing me up, and I was actually starting to like it. At least parts of it, on my good days.

Alice let me put on the princess gown I liked so much from before. She rarely let me try things on more than once but she knew my affinity for the dress and had kept it in her closet.

I looked at myself in the mirror. "Do you think this is too much?" I asked. "I mean, it's not even my senior prom. It looks more like an awards banquet gown."

"Yes, you're right. And Edward's already seen you in it," she said. I knew she was agreeing with me to try to get me to wear something new.

"Okay, I'll probably wear something else," I said, appeasing her. "But can I ask Edward first?"

She eyed me suspiciously but she agreed. She knew Edward would bend to her will on matters of fashion unless I was opposed which I wasn't. And I would wear a different dress, I knew, but I formed an idea that I wanted to implement.

"I'll be back," I told her as I left her room with her telling me to not be too long after me. I picked up the skirt of the dress and walked briskly to Edward's room.

He opened the door and stepped out just as I was approaching. That was my cue to drop the tulle skirt and use my arms to reach up to him. He accepted me in his embrace and lifted me off my feet into his room.

He let me down and kissed me cupping my face with his cold hands then moving them through my hair.

When we broke, he asked, "Is this what you're wearing tomorrow? I like this dress."

"I do, too, but alas, no. I do not think this dress is appropriate for tomorrow," I said. He frowned. I smiled. "But I do think this dress is appropriate for tonight."

He smiled as the idea permeated his mind. He took a step back and bowed. I curtsied, though I wasn't sure if I was doing it properly. He lifted his head, extended his hand, and asked, "May I have this dance?"

I took his hand and he twirled me up to his body. We swayed together dancing as the music played. Peter Von Poehl was singing "The Story of the Impossible."

"_Whatever happened to the great escape__  
__And to all the plans we made?__  
__Crafted with pride by masters of the trade__  
__The world's greatest circus__  
__We have this story of the impossible,__  
__A tale best told softly__  
__One of make-believe,__  
__Maybe impossible to achieve,__  
__But oh so close"_

We were both barefoot and I had my head against his chest because he was quite a bit taller than me without my heels. I was so relaxed and content, my body against his, his arms around me. I felt so safe.

"I wish we could stay like this forever," I murmured, my eyes closed.

I felt his body tensing ever so slightly. My body reacted to his. I realized in my mind after my body registered that something was wrong. I pulled away reluctantly from him.

I became aware of what I had said just now in a daze and the implications of it.

_I wish we could stay like this forever._

People thought and said things like this all the time, but for him it was something that could potentially come true.

He could stay like this forever. I couldn't. Or could I?

My eyes searched his face, trying desperately to read his mind, his expression. Could he read mine?

Apparently, he could, because he preempted the obvious.

"I won't leave you unless you ask me to," he spoke.

It gave me a small bit of reassurance, but I wasn't going to be deterred from what was really on our minds.

I swallowed hard, gathering courage. "Have you thought of turning me?"

He stood still as stone. I couldn't breathe anticipating his response. Finally, finally, he said, "I can't."

I took a breath. My heart felt like it had been punched. I managed to recover quickly. "Can't or won't?" I countered.

"You're a burning blood," he said not hesitating this time. "I wouldn't be able to stop. I'd kill you. I'd end up killing you. I'm not strong enough. I'm weak against you. I'm completely powerless against you." His words flowed so quickly and with so much emotion when they had just been blocked a few seconds ago. He actually seemed frightened. He looked simultaneously aged and so young just then.

I was taken aback by his outpouring. But I wasn't going to be deterred. This was something that was always in the back of my mind, I realized, though I couldn't think about it forthright because I feared exactly this: his refusal.

"What about Carlisle?" I asked, my voice shaky. Bringing Carlisle into this was a feeble, useless attempt at grabbing straws.

"I don't know if even he could stop with your blood. I couldn't ask that of him," he said sternly.

"Neither could I," I said remorseful I had even brought it up. "And what if I wasn't a burning blood? Or what if there was a way? Would you then?" I could feel a swelling of emotions rise inside me. I pushed them down as best I could but I knew tears were on their way.

"Does it matter?" he said defeated. "There isn't another way. It's not going to happen."

I could feel the dam bulging at the flood of tears. It wasn't going to hold much longer. "I need to know. Tell me," I pleaded softly. "If it was possible, would you want me turned?"

I heard the dam moan at the weight of the flood.

Why was I doing this to myself? I knew what the answer was going to be. Why did I have to hear it? If we never talked about this, I could hold onto the hope that maybe he wanted me with him always. Yet, hope was what was making me do this. Hope was what made me think that maybe his answer would be different.

Yes, that damned god awful hope.

"No," he said. "I don't want you turned."

He didn't want me with him forever. We weren't going to stay like this forever.

Suddenly I couldn't breathe. I stepped back from Edward, swaying slightly. I felt dizzy. I put my hands on my waist. The bodice of the dress felt tight, like it was suffocating me. It was squeezing me and I grabbed at my throat, pulling at an invisible choking collar.

A tiny leak formed on the strained dam, sprouting water. Then another spring formed. My eyes were watery.

"I have to get out of this dress," I said. Or I think that's what I said. I couldn't tell what was what anymore.

I was in the hallway somehow, walking unsteadily. I didn't know how I made it out of the room. Did I open the door myself? I couldn't remember.

I heard Edward call my name from behind me. His voice sounded muffled in my head. Was I going deaf?

I saw Alice pop out of her doorway and I bumped into the wall opposite as she startled me.

She stared at me wide-eyed and she looked back down the hallway where I stumbled from.

My eyes were too watery to hold, and tears dropped down. The liquid trail guided the breaking dam water down my face.

"I need air," I think I managed to say.

I picked up speed and ran away. Ran down the stairs somehow not tripping. I ran past whoever was staring at me. I ran out the front door, in the dark, into the wooded trail.

The dam exploded and the flood poured like an unstoppable beast.

I wiped away the tears on my face the best I could. But more came and I futilely wiped them too. I couldn't see. It was dark and my vision was blurry from the tears.

But I just needed to get away from the light behind me; the light emanating from the house with the perfect heavenly beings that I could never be a part of.

I wanted to scream but luckily I had enough sense still left in me to stop myself. I was far from home in the middle of a dark forest within hearing distance of vampires. When had my life become so absurd?

I laughed to myself. A sign of hysteria, no doubt. I made myself stop crying.

Much of the dam water had been freed and now it was up to me to rebuild the dam, piece by piece.

I had slowed to a walk and now I stopped completely to take a deep breath. I cupped my hands to my face. What was I going to do now?

I heard the sound of rock grinding on rock and I gasped in surprise and swiftly turned about face. In the dim moonlight, I saw a figure in the shadows. It stepped forward, and I saw it was Edward.

He looked terribly worried.

I raised my hands at my sides and let them fall in a sign of resignation.

"Where do you think you're going like that?" he said, sounding annoyed.

"Oh no, the dress," I cried in distress as I looked down. Alice was not going to like this. The hem of the dress wasn't in good shape, I imagined. I would need to see it in better light, but I was sure I had torn it up, or at least dirtied it a considerable amount. I would pay for the cleaning and repairs, of course, but I didn't think I would be able to afford the cost of the dress. I would need some considerable time to do that. I wondered if she would let me pay in installments.

He let out an exasperated cry. "Not that!" he said angrily, surprising me. "Your feet, Bella! You're going to cut yourself!"

I looked down and moved the hem aside with my hands to reveal my bare feet. They were a bit dirty, but unscathed luckily. I realized I had been walking down a pebble path and could have easily cut my feet on the rocks.

My face warmed with embarrassment. I hadn't been thinking about anyone but myself. If I had bled, with the Cullens so near...

"I'm sorry," I said meekly in defeat.

He took a step closer to me, and I stepped back. I didn't know why I did that. I usually wanted to be near him. But it hurt right now to have him near me and know he didn't want me.

He sensed my apprehension and stood where he was. He lowered his head so I couldn't see his face in the shadow.

"You're more special to me than your blood," he started. He lifted his head to look at me with his dark gold eyes. "You told me once to look at more than just the parts of someone. I see you. I see the whole you."

My heart ached. Maybe he did see me, but why couldn't he see that what I wanted now more than anything was to always be with him. Or maybe he did and he was trying to let me down easy. "You don't want me with you. You don't want me turned."

"I don't want you to lose your soul. I would never want this life, if you could even call it that, for you. It's death."

"And what the hell do you think's going to happen to me if you don't turn me?" I yelled, suddenly angry.

"That's different. You can live your life. Your human life. Like you're supposed to. Like it was meant to be before you met me and got this crazy idea." He ran a hand through his hair frustratedly.

"Not without you," I said stubbornly.

"Not without me. I'll be with you always. I'll stay by your side. I can never leave you," he softly said.

"You'll stay with me?" This was what I wanted, wasn't it?

"Yes," he said resolutely.

"Till I die?" I said sadly. I wasn't afraid of death. I was afraid of something worse. I was afraid of him not being there. I was afraid of not having enough time with him. "I could get run over by a bus. Or would you crush every bus or car that tried to run me over? It's not like you haven't done it before. Oh, but then there's cancer. Or some other illness. Are you going to save me from that?" I was angry and sarcastic and accusing. Not a healthy combination.

"I'll watch over you. I'll take care of you," he said softly. I think he was trying to soothe me, but I wouldn't have it.

"And assuming I don't die of a brain aneurysm tomorrow, are you going to watch me grow old? Is that your plan?"

I had an unpleasant image of me middle-aged and him as beautiful as ever. I was going to be a cougar. He was going to make me a perverted old lady with a teenage boyfriend.

"And then?" I continued. I couldn't stop myself. "I'm just going to get older, you know. You're going come visit me in the old folks' home? Should I introduce you as my grandson or is it safe to assume everyone would just think that."

"You don't need to worry about that. And I won't care what you look like."

I was on a tirade. "Oh, that's great for you. But what about me? Did you think that maybe _I_ wouldn't want that? That maybe I wouldn't want _you_ around? You think seeing myself old and wrinkly while my boyfriend stays exactly the same will make me feel good about myself? I'll be the disgusting old lady who kisses her grandson inappropriately. I'll be so much older than you."

"I'm a hundred years old. You'll never be older than me," he smiled meekly.

"Don't give me that crap!" I screamed. "You think I don't know? You think I don't know that no matter how long you've been roaming this world, that you are exactly the same age? And I don't mean just physically. You and your family are your ages and you're never getting older."

"Damn it, Bella!" he screamed back. I was crossing his breaking point. "That's exactly my point. We're frozen. We're frozen in our bodies and our minds as time and the world pass us by. You don't know what that does to you, and I won't let you know."

"Maybe I want to know. Don't I get a say?"

"Not when you don't look out for yourself! Not when you can't even put on shoes before you run out into the middle of the woods at night! I certainly won't let you throw your soul away! Especially, for a monster like me. You're good, Bella. You're so good. You mean everything to me. You have to live."

"I don't want to live without you."

"You won't. I told you, I'll be by your side."

"Till I die," I repeated. He nodded, brows still furrowed in frustration. "And if I want to throw my soul away to be with you forever?"

"You don't know what you're saying."

"Do you?" I questioned. A tear fell from my eye. I thought I was done crying, but my dam was yet to be rebuilt.

"It's not possible anyway, so there's no point in arguing this."

He was right. Whether I wanted it or even if he wanted it, it wasn't going to happen. I let out a sob.

He closed the gap between us and hugged me while I cried. He wiped away my tears and I made myself stop again. He scooped me up gently in his arms, poofy dress and all, and walked slowly back to the house.

When we reached the door, he let me down and we walked in together. Everyone was standing by waiting for us.

Esme looked worried and was ready for me with a glass of water. I accepted graciously and drank the whole glass.

Rosalie was the only one who looked visibly angry.

Guilt consumed me and I wanted to cry again.

"I'm so sorry," I said, head down. I could see now in the light of the house that the hem of the dress and my feet were indeed dirty. I made my toes touch in embarrassment.

"Oh, honey," I heard Esme say.

Edward scooped me up in his arms again and walked quickly up the stairs to the large bathroom and let me down on the cold tiled floor.

He closed the bathroom door and opened the small closet door and pulled out a plush white bathrobe. He handed it to me and quietly turned around.

I stood there with the long bathrobe in my hands, staring into his back. I blinked a couple times and I turned around. I hung the bathrobe over the side of the tub and reached around my back to unzip the dress.

It felt freeing to open up the bodice and let the dress slip down around me. I picked up the robe and put it on, tying it over in a knot.

I stepped out around the dress and lifted it up, examining the hem. I scowled at the damage I had caused. Not only was it dirty, but it also had some minor tears in it, especially since I wasn't wearing shoes and the hem dragged on the floor.

The dress pulled out of my hands and I saw that Edward had taken it from me. He wrapped his other arm around me and hoisted me over the tub edge.

He turned on the faucet and pulled the drain lever. He then walked to the door with the dress and opened it. He stepped out, and I turned my attention to the running water. I ran my feet through the stream and some of the dirt came off.

I heard the door close again and I saw Edward walk toward me empty-handed. He lifted me easily by the waist and placed me at the other end of the bathtub.

"Sit," he ordered. I lifted up the hem of the big bathrobe and sat on the edge, my back against the corner of the wall.

He kneeled down and folded up his shirt sleeves. He reached over for the body wash and squeezed a small amount onto his hands. He lathered it up and reached for my ankle.

I tried to pull away from him, not wanting him to touch my dirty feet, but he held fast and I couldn't even nudge his hand.

The water had collected in the tub by now and my foot was soaking in warm water while Edward lathered up the other.

I squirmed when he rubbed the sole of my foot and I couldn't help letting out squeals as it tickled. He had his head down, focusing on my foot, but I thought I could see a hint of a smile from my angle.

He let go of my foot, and he grabbed the other to wash it. I thought he took longer washing the sole of the other foot and tickling me.

When he was done soaping my feet, he pulled the lever for the drain and stood up to grab the extendable shower head. He turned the streaming water to the shower and rinsed my feet.

He was rubbing my feet while rinsing them off with the shower head when he started tickling my sole again.

I couldn't help laughing and got angry yelling, "Stop trying to make me laugh! You're cheating."

He looked at me innocently and lifted the hose to spray water on my face. I held out my hands in front of me and screamed. I tried to grab for the shower head but of course Edward was too quick for me.

I stood up with my hands up, still trying to grab the hose, and out protectively in front of me. He blasted the shower stream at me again and I screamed and tried to get out of the tub. I lifted my foot and it caught simultaneously on the hem of the long robe and the tub ledge and tripped forward.

Edward caught me mid-fall and held me against his chest. My face, hair, and robe were dripping wet as his shirt and pants started absorbing the water. I smiled at him and pressed myself against him, getting him wetter.

He held my embrace, even though I was getting him thoroughly soaked.

"I don't want to fight with you," I said softly.

He stroked my damp hair and said back, "I know."

I wasn't so sure we weren't going to fight again. But I would try not to. The issue was futile. I wasn't going to win. I just had to treasure my time with him. I had a sinking feeling in the back of my heart that it wasn't going to last.

* * *

The next day at school was a half-day for the senior prom.

I found out that Eric was going to DJ again because he did a good job at the junior prom. He asked Angela again to be his date to which she said yes. It was a chance for her to wear her prom dress again, which was a good idea since when else are you going to get to wear a prom dress?

I also found out from Jessica, that a senior girl had asked Mike to be her date, but that he had turned her down. She told me this with a bit of glee, actually, to which I attributed her thinking he did so for her. She then went on to tell me that she, Mike, Tyler, and Lauren were going to go hang out at Port Angeles.

After school, Alice helped me get ready. She did a team's worth of work on me, as a stylist, hair dresser, makeup artist, and photographer.

I wore an understated, yet beautiful strapless nude-colored long ruffled dress with matching nude-colored platform heels with red soles. Alice styled my hair loosely in a low bun and matched the subtlety in makeup, emphasizing my blushing cheeks and dark lashes.

The most overstated part of my outfit was the matching oversized faux diamond necklace and earrings.

Alice wore an amazing fitted red gown that emphasized her pale skin and contrasting dark hair.

Right when we had finished, Jasper came to the room. He looked very handsome in a dark suit and tie. He walked over to Alice and wrapped his arm around her bare back and kissed her.

I turned around to give them some privacy. That's when I saw Edward enter in his black suit and black tie with white shirt. He looked so incredibly handsome, my insides did a back flip. How could I ever argue with that?

He lingered in the doorway staring at me. I looked down at myself to see if there was something out of place. Maybe I had smudged my makeup? But then Edward walked toward me, gliding really, and surprised me by grabbing my back and pulling me toward him firmly. I blushed at his firmness, not just in his hold but also in the resolve in his face.

He leaned down and kissed me passionately.

Swoon.

I actually lost my balance and let him hold me up in his arms.

When he finally pulled away, it took me a second to open my eyes and realize where I was.

I blushed again when I saw Jasper and Alice still in the room. Well, of course they would be there, we were in their room, after all.

"I guess I didn't need to put that extra blush on you," Alice smiled. I grew redder, demonstrating her correctness.

Jasper walked over by his desk and picked up cuff links and put them on.

Edward took my hand and led me out of the room, followed by Alice and Jasper.

When we reached the end of the stairs, Rosalie and Emmett and Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us.

Rosalie was wearing a long, tight black gown that made her look taller and thinner than usual. Esme, in contrast, was wearing a short, white fitted dress. And their respective partners looked quite dapper in their suits and ties.

I didn't even question that Esme and Carlisle were going on their own date. I quite liked how all the couples in this family loved each other and went out on dates frequently. I didn't know exactly what they did on their dates considering they couldn't eat or drink, but I was sure they figured something out. Then I suddenly felt sorry for Edward who was the seventh wheel essentially in his family. He was the only one without a mate. How lonely he must be. I held Edward's hand slightly tighter.

When we got to the school, the decorations from junior prom were pretty much saved and used for the senior prom, except there was more of it like lights, balloons, and flowers. Way to save money.

I looked at the six of us and felt a tad bit overdressed for the event. I didn't know if I should feel bad for the school or for the Cullens. I kind of felt bad for both. It wasn't the school's fault, of course, it was a small town after all. Yet, I think the Cullens would be too beautiful and posh for almost any school.

I saw Angela and greeted her happily. I saw Eric at his booth on stage and waved to him.

I danced several songs with Angela, not wanting her to be left alone while Eric deejayed. And I danced some with Alice and Jasper and Emmett and Edward. Even Rosalie joined us for a couple songs.

Emmett asked me to a slow dance citing that I was technically his date. Edward and Rosalie danced a few feet away with Alice and Jasper nearby.

Eric then played "Someone Like You" by Best Coast, a song I had suggested. I looked over to his booth and he smiled as he walked down to Angela to dance with her.

Edward tapped Emmett's shoulder and asked to cut in. I wrapped my arms around Edward's neck, thankful of the extra height these heels lent. I put my head against his shoulder as we swayed to the music.

"_Know that you don't mean to say things__  
__That hurt me and drop me to my knees__  
__Been around this crazy world__  
__But I still want to be your girl__  
__'Cause there's no one like you__  
__No one like you, no one like you"_

I closed my eyes and let myself feel in the moment. I wanted to commit this feeling to memory.


	25. Wish

Notes: Thanks so much for the reviews. In truth, I'm becoming addicted to them.

Featured Music: The National - "Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks"

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. Songs and lyrics belong to their respective artists. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 25**

**Wish**

* * *

School was finally out for summer.

And I spent every day with Edward, mostly at his house. Though, occasionally we would go to Port Angeles, even Seattle, or other cities to hang out. I would eat out less often, too, opting to dine on Esme's delicious cuisine. She would even pack me lunches, or picnics we would take to Edward's little meadow in the woods.

I had managed to keep the fear of eventually losing Edward deep in the recesses of my mind. I could never fully rid of it, but I could manage not to think about it constantly, especially when I was with him, which thankfully was most of my waking hours.

And I was becoming closer to his family in turn as well. Alice and I were especially close as I now let her dress me up most days. I gave up resisting. It was just easier and less exhausting to wear the clothes and wait while she did my hair and sometimes my makeup.

By extension, I became slightly closer to Jasper as well, though we never touched. He did, I noticed, stand closer than before, again taking his place beside Alice.

Esme and Carlisle were always accommodating and lovely towards me. And Rosalie hardly regarded me, though she didn't scowl at me as often as she used to. I think I was even wearing her down with my constant presence.

Emmett was the surprise, as he took a shining to me despite Rosalie's obvious dislike of me. I think he thought of me as a new plaything, a human curiosity he could tease and test by pushing buttons. But I secretly liked the teasing and playful banter between us. I imagined this was what having an older brother felt like.

It had always been just Phil and me as far as I could remember, and I was never good with families, but I was beginning to get the hang of it. Or maybe I was just getting the hang of a vampire family.

I was surprised, though I shouldn't have been, one day in early July, or more specifically on my birthday, when Edward picked me up and brought us back to his house and it was decorated. With flowers. Tons of it.

"Surprise!" and "Happy birthday!" they cheered.

"Ah," I said in unenthusiastic surprise. "How did you know?" I eyed Edward warily. I had asked that we take a trip to Seattle this evening for dinner. I sometimes requested nights out for particular restaurants or events, so I didn't think he would suspect today was any different. I was sure we had never mentioned birth dates to each other before, but then again, he had his ways. And he could read minds.

"Sorry," he whispered to me.

"Doctor/patient confidentiality doesn't exactly work with mind readers, I'm afraid," said Carlisle, looking apologetic.

Of course, Carlisle would know my birth date from my medical chart from when I was in the hospital after the car accident and from all the blood tests. And all Edward had to do was ask Carlisle the question and have him think about it.

But I didn't think of Edward as the surprise party type. This looked like the work of one Alice Cullen who was beaming right now.

I had to test if I was right. "Did you do all this?" I asked Edward.

He shifted his eyes to Alice. "Sorry," he mouthed.

"Yes, Edward, she knows you're sorry," said Alice rolling her eyes. "Don't worry," she said, turning to me. "He didn't betray you. I took it upon myself to find out."

She did have a knack for getting what she wanted. Who could refuse her? I was sure she would have been able to pry the information out of me herself if she tried, which she obviously didn't because she wanted to surprise me.

I patted my hand reassuringly on Edward's arm.

He took my hand and the others walked in front of us to the living room where we were surrounded by lit candles, bouquets of flowers and long, curly ribbons tied to balloons covering the ceiling. It was quite pretty, and I was sure I could appreciate it more had it not all been prepared for me.

I saw a stack of gift wrapped boxes on the table and I halted my walking. I tried to turn around and walk away when Alice zipped in front of me to block me and Edward held fast to my hand.

"Presents, Bella," she smiled big. "It's your day." She turned me back around by the shoulders and firmly pushed me closer to the table.

I looked up at Edward and he lifted my hand and kissed it.

"I really don't need presents," I pleaded. "You've all done more than necessary for me these past months. I mean, I could never repay your hospitality."

"Don't be silly, Bella," Esme said. "There's absolutely nothing to repay. I hope you don't think of your friendship to us as something that can be measured. We're just happy you came into our lives. And we just want to show you we appreciate you."

I started getting weepy. Stupid tears. I sighed. I wanted to say that that wasn't what I meant. I wasn't trying to keep count. Though I would be on the losing side. I wanted to say that they've meant more to me than anything, besides Phil. But all I could mutter with watery eyes and a soft cracking voice was, "Thank you."

"Besides," said Alice, "old stick-up-his-butt here wouldn't let us go crazy with the gift-giving. He made us limit the presents to one per person and put a price limit." She frowned.

"Good," I said, though she didn't say what the price limit was and I was a bit wary. But I guess I would find out soon.

I looked at the pile of boxes. "But wait, there's more boxes than people," I started saying when Alice pulled me over to the couch and sat me down.

"Here, this one's from Rose and me," Emmett said grabbing a big rectangular box and walking over.

I reached out both hands and was caught off guard by the weight of the box. He was holding it like it was an empty box. I sometimes forgot how strong they all were.

"Thank you," I told Emmett and looked over to Rosalie and nodded.

"Open it," Alice urged.

I was reluctant to tear open the wrapping, partly because I was sure whatever it was it would be too nice a present for me and partly because I didn't want to rip the nice paper.

I looked for a seam on the side and started carefully ripping at the tape.

"Don't you know you have to tear open gifts?" Alice said frustrated.

I laughed a bit and started tearing the paper making a mess. I exposed the box underneath and saw that it was a laptop. My mouth gaped open.

"This, this is too much," I finally managed to utter.

"Nonsense," Alice quipped and went to retrieve another box.

"You don't have to borrow Edward's now," Rosalie said emotionless.

I grew red with shame and put my head down. I felt Edward's hand on my back. He pushed my hair behind my ear and leaned in. "You can keep mine as long as you like," he whispered softly.

"No, this is great," I said looking back up at Rosalie. "You're right, I could really use this. Thank you, Rosalie, Emmett." Emmett smiled uncomfortably. Rosalie raised an eyebrow slightly.

Edward took the box from my lap and put it beside him.

Alice was back at my other side with several boxes of different sizes. She handed me a big flat box. This one was lighter than the laptop.

I tore it open and it was an unmarked white box. I lifted the sides and the cover slid up. There was tissue paper and I pushed it aside to reveal a deep green fabric. I lifted it to show a dress.

I turned to face a smiling, expectant Alice and I smiled back. "Thank you, Alice." I knew a dress could only come from Alice. Alice, who I knew was irked that I always returned to her the clothes she dressed me in. She found a way to make me keep one.

"Do you like it?" she asked, though it might as well have been rhetorically.

"Of course," I answered. I laid the dress back down in the box and hugged her.

She handed me another flat box, though a smaller one. I opened it to find a black cardigan. I looked at Alice questioningly. She handed me another box, this one with more height and heft. She urged me to open it before I could protest and I found a pair of beautiful black heels.

"Are these all from you?" I asked her. She batted her lashes at me. "I thought there was a one gift limit." I turned my head to Edward who in turn shifted his gaze in the other direction. I returned my gaze to Alice.

"It is one gift. It's one outfit," Alice explained as if I was the one being dense.

I laughed at her reasoning.

She handed me another box. "It's from Jasper," she said when I raised my eyebrows at her.

My mouth opened and my eyes immediately darted to where Jasper was standing by Emmett. He looked back expressionless.

My attention went back to the box and when I opened it, it was a digital camera. I wasn't quite sure what to say. So I just said, "Thank you." He nodded his head once.

Esme walked over to the table and lifted a gift bag and brought it over to me. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and handed me the bag.

"These are from Carlisle and me," she said. I thanked her.

I opened the bag and among the tissue paper was a new iPod and accessories, including a gift card for iTunes.

"Wow, thank you. Both of you, really, thank you for everything," I told them.

"Our pleasure," said Carlisle.

"I put some songs in there for you already," said Edward. I thanked him, too.

There were some more boxes, mostly smaller ones which turned out to be accessories for the laptop and camera, and accessories for me to go with the outfit.

Then Alice dragged me away to her room with her gifts for me to dress me up. After I changed into my new party dress and accessories, we came downstairs again.

We went to the living room and Edward was standing by the piano. I walked over to him, giving him a twirl in my short green dress.

I pressed against his chest and he kissed the top of my head.

"It's my turn to give you your present," he said softly.

I lifted my head up in surprise. I guess I received so many presents, probably more than I ever got in my entire life that I forgot Edward hadn't given me one. Honestly, I didn't care. I didn't need anything from him besides his time.

"You have a present for me?" I asked. Maybe I didn't need a gift from him, but I was curious what it was. "I hope you didn't break your own rules," I said teasingly.

"I didn't. I think I'm the only one who didn't break my own rules," he smiled. It was true. Everyone had ended up giving me more than one gift, if you counted all the accessories that went with it. And I still didn't know the price limit Edward had set, but I wouldn't be surprised at all if they had exceeded that as well. But considering how generous a people they were, I was sure these were reasonable gifts in their minds.

"Ready?" he asked.

I nodded. I lifted my hand palm up to receive its treasure.

He smiled, put his hand on my palm to hold it and pulled me to the piano bench to sit beside him.

He gracefully placed his hands on the keys and started playing.

And it was beautiful.

I watched as his long, lean fingers flicked across the white and black keys and the pleasing sounds reached my ears. The notes harmonized and danced together in the air swaying and dipping and flirting before coming to an end.

I had my eyes closed when he finished and I kept them closed for a few seconds as I let the emotions he had raised in me settle. When I finally opened my eyes I looked over at Edward. I automatically smiled at him, as I usually did when I peered into his face.

"That was amazing, Edward. Thank you," I said.

"It's called 'For Isabella,'" he said.

"You wrote it? For me?" I asked, happily surprised and more than flattered. Nobody had written me a song before. I didn't even think I was the type of person who would inspire a song, never mind a beautiful one from a beautiful one. It was the most romantic gesture I imagined I would ever come across.

He nodded once, modestly. Then he kissed me, not so modestly in front of his family.

I blushed and he lightly caressed my cheek with his thumb.

"I know it's a little bit late to be asking this but when's your birthday?" I asked quietly. I didn't think I could ever make up for all the things he's done for me, but I could try. And I had the perfect thing to start with.

His lips curled down into a slight frown. I frowned back, conveying I wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"It passed," he said.

I pouted a bit. "Well, when's your other birthday?"

"Other birthday?" his brows pinched together in a quizzical look.

"Yeah," I said. I thought it was obvious.

The ends of his eyebrows raised in understanding. "That passed, too," he said.

I exhaled deeply. He obviously wasn't going to make this easier for me. "Okay," I told him, sounding complacent. Being sneaky was so much easier when your mind was impervious to spying.

Edward's eyes shifted past me and I followed their direction. Esme was standing with a pretty white cake with candles burning.

Esme stepped forward with the cake. "Make a wish," she said.

I smiled politely and stood up from the piano bench with Edward and closed the gap.

I could have wished for a lot things. I could have wished to stay with Edward forever. I could have wished for some way to be turned. I could have wished to not be a burning blood anymore. But these would have been wasted wishes, because none of these would come true. And worse, these were all selfish wishes.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

_I wish Edward to be happy always._

I opened my eyes and blew out the candles. I didn't count how many there were, but there was a lot, so probably 18. If Alice found out my birth date, she would most likely know my birth year.

I grew sad. But I tried to keep a happy face for everyone. I was officially older than Edward, at least in human years. And I was just going to grow older. Nobody liked that; but whether people liked it or not, accepted it or not, it just happened. I wouldn't have minded it so much, I think, if I didn't have to stare at the faces of never-ending youth every day.

Esme cut me a small piece of cake. After I finished it, I went to Alice's room to grab my new bag to go with my new outfit and stowed my wallet in it.

Edward and I said goodbye to the family and left for Seattle while there was still some light out.

I had planned this night for a while now. I had bought the tickets some time ago borrowing Phil's credit card and researched some restaurants nearby the venue. And I had planned on surprising Edward.

When we reached the restaurant in record speed, there was a crowd of people a few doors down.

"What's going on there?" I asked innocently. I tugged at him and he followed.

"It's a concert for The National," he said. "Would you like to attend?"

"It's probably sold out," I said disappointed.

"Don't worry about that," he said confidently. "Just say the word and we'll go."

"You mean vampires don't need tickets?" I whispered to him teasingly. He smiled. "But wouldn't it be easier if we did?" I asked pulling out the tickets from my bag and holding them up to him.

His eyes widened for a second and he let out a laugh.

"Happy birthday to us," I said. If I had missed his birthdays, I was going to have to start somewhere, belated or not.

"All right," he relinquished, "you got me. You're the only one who can."

When we got inside, he excused himself to make a few phone calls and when he returned a few minutes later, he led me upstairs to the balcony in the VIP section. The bouncer let us through and we sat at a reserved table.

I had to roll my eyes at his having to upstage my surprise for him, though it was nice to be in the reserved section away from the crowds. And we did look like we belonged there, me dressed up and Edward looking gorgeous as always.

After the opening acts, the National came on and played their songs. I was really enjoying the music and I think Edward was enjoying himself, too. We stood by the guard rail together and I swayed to the beat.

They were playing "Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks," and singing,

"_All the very best of us__  
__String ourselves up for love__," _

when I suddenly felt Edward tense up. He tightened his grip on me and froze.

I knew he was hearing something I couldn't. Whether it was with his ears or his mind, I didn't know, but with the loud music, I was guessing mind.

"We should go," he said loudly by my ear.

"Do we have to?" I asked. The concert wasn't over yet, but I could see he was looking concerned. I nodded before he answered and we made our way out. He gripped my hand and led me quickly to his car. He seemed more animal than man, his eyes darting back and forth wary of his surroundings and his body tensed ready to fight or fly.

Once we were in the car and driving home, he seemed to relax a bit. When I thought it was safe and he wasn't in attack mode, I asked, "Do you want to tell me what that was about?"

"Do I _want_ to tell you, Bella? No. Am I going to tell you?" He sighed. "Yes, because I think you should know for your own protection."

"This sounds serious," I said slightly mocking. I was trying to lighten the situation but I underestimated his concern for me at the moment.

"It is," he said ignoring my teasing tone. "There were other vampires in the area."

My eyes widened for a second. Out of fear or curiosity I wasn't sure. Maybe a mixture of both.

"There were at least two in the area, one I could hear for sure. I wasn't going to wait around and search for the other. Damn it!" he yelled and hit the steering wheel with his palm. The wheel jerked a bit with his movement.

He startled me with his outburst. He was angry.

"We're all right though. They're not following us?" I asked, trying to get him to reason. "Do they know you were there?"

"No. And they'll probably stick to high population areas. Harder to detect that way. They were hunting." He shook his head. "Alice should have seen this." He was breathing heavy.

"You can't blame Alice," I said, getting worried for her. Though she could probably take care of herself better than me. But if she was going to get an earful from Edward on my account, I was going to at least try and soften the blow. "She can't see everything. Especially things concerning me."

"But they didn't concern you, did they? They just happened to be in the area so she should have seen it," he countered.

"Well, because they didn't know about me nothing bad happened," except my night being cut short. "So there was nothing for her to foresee," I tried to reason. I didn't know if this was making total logical sense but I was going to try to argue this. It was like a game of chess between a mind reader and a soothsayer.

"That doesn't make sense," he said, calling me out.

"None of this makes sense!" I yelled, frustrated.

"She still could have predicted vampires in the area," he said.

"You're so stubborn!" I shouted. "I mean, really! Be reasonable. How many people can do what she does? Or what you do, for that matter. Don't take her for granted and just be thankful she's on your side." I crossed my arms tight and looked out the passenger side window. "I wish she could see my future," I mumbled grouchily.

There was silence in the car for a minute or two. I heard him exhale deeply and say, "I didn't mean to startle you with my anger. I'm sorry. And you're right, I can't rely solely on Alice nor can I blame her completely. But I'm not sorry about wanting to keep you safe. And if that means I'm going to be stubborn or unreasonable, then so be it."

I uncrossed my arms and wiped my face with my hands and let out a moan. He was so troublesome sometimes. "So be it," I imitated grumpily. I let out an exasperated laugh. "Why don't you tell me about these boogeymen out there, so at least I know what's going to kill me," I said.

"That's not funny," he sounded annoyed.

I giggled. "You're right. But I seriously want to know."

We had a long way home, even with his driving, so he began to tell me. He told me that most vampires were nomads, traveling alone, with a mate, or in small covens, hunting mostly undetected. They were the cause of some unsolved mysteries, murders and missing persons. And moving around helped keep them undetected and anonymous.

The Cullens were a rarity. Not only were they vegetarians who interacted with their natural prey, but their coven number of seven was quite large. Other covens that were large in number were usually for warring purposes, battling over territory. Those makeshift armies had a high turnover rate and shifting numbers.

They weren't families like the Cullens are, I thought.

I learned they were close with another family, the Denali clan in Alaska, another group of vegetarians, though they were fewer in number and mostly female.

"How close are you to them?" I asked, a curiosity piqued when I realized the members were mostly female.

"I guess you could say they're like cousins," he picked the words carefully.

"Kissing cousins?"

He cleared his throat.

I immediately knew something was up. I had been half-joking about the 'kissing' part but when he cleared his throat, an action he clearly had no need for, I knew it was a human sign of discomfort.

I turned my head to him, though he kept staring straight ahead on the road refusing to look at me. I spoke to his profile. "So you 'dated' one or more of them then? It's okay, you can tell me." I tried to sound as unaffected and nonchalant as possible to lure him into revealing information.

"No," he said, unconvincingly. "I mean, I've never dated anyone before you."

"Then how come you're so good at it?" I asked accusingly. I liked watching him squirm. It was quite un-Edward.

"What?" he said flustered. He was having trouble finding words.

"Was it Irina?" I asked. I looked for a reaction.

"What?" he repeated. "No."

"Tanya?"

"Stop guessing. I know what you're trying to do," he deflected.

My lips curled up in satisfaction. "Tanya, eh? Is she pretty? Do you think I'll ever meet her? Who do you think would win in a fight? That is if she were human or I was vamp. No wait, I think I could take her as is. Does she have a special power because it totally wouldn't work on me, right? And you don't know because you won't let me do anything, but I'm quite strong."

I saw the corner of his mouth twitch into a smile. He finally turned his face to look at me so he could roll his eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, mister," I ordered, "or I won't fight for you. I'll just let her have you."

His smile didn't disappear. "I could never be hers," he said. "Even if you throw me away."

My smile faded. I couldn't imagine ever throwing him away. "Well, maybe I'll keep you then."

"Good," he said. "Cause I'd be useless without you."

My insides felt tingly. He reached his right hand over to me and I grabbed it with both of mine.

After a couple minutes of quiet, I asked, "What about this Vultura, was it?"

"Volturi," he corrected. "You remembered." He looked remorseful. "I know I said I would tell you about them, but I think that might not be the best idea."

"Why not?" I asked. He had told me most everything else.

"You shouldn't come across them. It's best if they never learn about you, but that's something I might not be able to stop. Too many people know about you already. But in case they ever do find you, it's best you don't know about them."

"What does that mean? Who knows about me besides you and your family? I can't really defend myself anyway. Isn't information the best weapon I have?"

"I told you about our kind to protect you, yes. But I never would have revealed myself to you had you not figured it out yourself first. It's more than just common sense to us. It's like law. And the Volturi uphold it."

"So does that mean you broke the law telling me all this?" He didn't respond. "Edward, answer me. Are you going to be in trouble?" I urged. I became afraid for him.

"It doesn't matter," he finally said. His lips pressed hard. He didn't want to talk about this, I could tell.

"What do you mean it doesn't matter? Oh my God, Edward. Why did you never tell me this before?" My eyes darted back and forth wildly while my mind tried to search for the memories of our conversations. What had he told me? He put himself in danger to tell me stupid tidbits I had no right to know.

He glanced over to me. "I told you, I can't seem to lie to you," he said softly with a worn smile.

"Edward, what have you done?" I asked sadly.

"You should know the truth," he said.

"What are they going to do to you?" I asked full of worry.

He didn't look away from the road. My breathing became labored. My imagination was racing to the worst – confinement, torture, death.

I suddenly got angry. Why wasn't he more concerned with his own welfare? "This is when you decide I shouldn't know the truth?" I yelled at his silence. "What will they do? You didn't have to lie. You could've just not told me! You let me keep asking you questions for my own stupid curiosity. What is wrong with you?" I screamed and hit his arm. He didn't react. "And you tell me you want to protect me?"

"I do," he said in earnestness.

"Then protect yourself! Who's going to look after me if you're gone?" I cried. What did 'gone' mean, I didn't even know though I said it. But I was afraid I was right, in whatever form of the word it meant.

I was nearly in tears when Edward put the brakes on and pulled over to the shoulder of the road.

He unbuckled my seat belt and pulled me unwillingly into his embrace.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he tried to soothe me. "I just need to make sure you're safe. I can't think about anything else sometimes when I should. But you're right, I need to think about the future. I usually have Alice for that so I'm not used to being at a disadvantage."

"It's not a disadvantage, it's the norm. You're just spoiled," I pouted.

He laughed. "Oh, I think you're the one who's spoiled me," he said, smiling.

My brows furrowed in confusion. "Stop kidding around," I scolded. "If you really care about me, you'll take care of yourself first." I didn't know what I would do if anything happened to Edward. He was far stronger and smarter than anyone I knew, but he was also, in my eyes, oddly fragile and apparently selfless to a fault.

"I can't promise that," he said. "But I will think about the consequences more carefully."

"That's not good enough," I said trying to pull away from him. I pushed myself against him enough to be able to look into his face. "What's going to happen to you if the Volturi find out I know about you?" The deep gold of his eyes was penetrating even in the dark of the car. "Will they take you away?" He didn't answer. "Do they have a prison? Will they keep you captive?"

He smiled sadly. "There is no place that could keep our kind prisoner."

I inhaled sharply. No prison. If this Volturi coven was as fearsome as Edward seemed to make them that could only mean they were capable of doing terrible things to those who betrayed their secrets.

"What have I done?" I cried softly, tears forming. It wasn't Edward's fault. It was all mine. It was my own curiosity and disregard for consequences that have put Edward in danger.

Here I was, shouting at him for not giving a damn about his welfare when I was guilty of the same thing putting him in danger. The guilt overwhelmed me, the tears overtook me.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "It's all my fault. If anything happens to you, it's my fault."

He wiped away the tears on my cheeks, but new ones streamed down. He kissed my eyes tenderly, perhaps trying to stop the tears at their source.

"Don't worry about anything," he said, his voice full of concern. "I don't want you to think about that, please. It's not your fault. And I'm okay. They're far away and there's no reason to believe they'll find out right now. Please, Bella. I can't stand it when I make you cry."

I sniffed and tried to stop my crying. He handed me a white handkerchief. I wiped my face with it, in a most unladylike way.

He was right though. I had never cried so much in my life before I met him.

"You care too much about my safety against my objections. Know that you can't stop me caring about yours either." I sniffled. "I can be stubborn, too."

He gave up arguing with me and consoled me a little longer. When I collected myself, we hit the road again. He was anxious to get far away from Seattle, I knew.

He dropped me at home. When I went inside, Phil wasn't home but I found an envelope with my name on it. It was a birthday card from Phil with some cash.

I hoped he was celebrating my eighteenth birthday and ending the night better than I had.

Maybe I should have just been selfish and wished to be with Edward always.


	26. Broken

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 26**

**Broken**

* * *

A couple days passed with no sign of other vampires near our area, and though that was enough to satisfy my concerns, it was not enough to quell Edward's.

What made him extra wary was that his little 'army for the over-protection of Bella' was down in numbers for a few days. Carlisle had left the state for a medical conference in Colorado and Esme had joined him on the trip.

'The kids were running the house and I think this drove Edward a bit crazy in his heightened state.

Alice took to cooking for me although her methods were a bit scattered and messier than Esme's. She managed to burn a pan and its contents, though I couldn't understand how. I laughed while everyone was forced to open windows. The burning smell was more intense for their senses, not to mention their sensitivity to their one weakness.

I made sandwiches while Alice 'helped.' I made a couple of other things because I had not cooked in a while and the Cullens had so much food in stock for me. I made a vegetable salad and a pasta salad.

I looked at the meal I made and thought it would be perfect for a picnic.

Edward disagreed. I somehow managed to persuade him, though with a little urging from Alice. She had a way of getting her way.

I invited the others to join us as a way of compromise to Edward so he wouldn't be on such high alert by himself.

Alice agreed to come along, and therefore Jasper by association, while it was decided that Emmett and Rosalie go hunting, but locally.

We made it a true outing and Edward carried me to a clearing in the woods. Alice carried the provisions, and it became a race between Jasper and Edward.

Edward, I found out, was the fastest in his family, so they thought his having to carry me would level the playing field.

It turned out it did. Jasper reached the designated area before the rest of us. I had a feeling though, that Edward could have run faster even with me on his back but that he held back due to his concern for me.

When we all reached the spot, we laid down the large blanket and I ate a bit of my lunch.

Jasper was lying down with his head on Alice's lap, both of them at the other end of the blanket.

The weather was wonderfully warm but not hot. I took the opportunity to reach for a small wrapped box I placed in the picnic basket. I handed it to Edward.

"Happy belated birthday," I whispered.

Alice peered over at us. "I wondered what that was," she chirped enthusiastically.

I suspected I drove her insanely curious. Being able to see so many things that were going to happen but not having a clue as to what I was going to do must have made me a curious oddity.

"Open it," Alice urged cheerily. She loves presents, I thought. I was going to have to get her a surprise present, too.

"It's nothing, really. What do you get someone who has everything?" I said embarrassed.

Jasper shifted his head around, still on Alice's lap to look in our direction.

Edward gracefully unwrapped the little box and opened it. He pulled out a gold pocket watch by the chain.

"It's supposed to be somewhat of an antique," I said.

At least I hoped it was. If anyone could tell if it was a fake, it would be them. I visited the town's thrift shop sometimes and I happened to be there when the owner got new stock in and the pocket watch was among them. I bargained with the shop owner to a more reasonable price.

The watch seemed long dead, but he said it could probably be fixed. And there was an engraving of the letters "CS" inside the cover in curly script. I was able to drive down the price a bit because of those defects. But little did he know, those were not faults in my eyes. They served my purpose just fine.

"You might be able to get the watch running again, but I kind of like that it's stopped," I told him. The time on the face had run out at 11:43. Just 17 minutes from a new day, perhaps a new beginning.

It seemed fitting somehow, poetic even. Time stood still for the life of this little gold pocket watch.

He held the gift in his hand and stared at it.

"Do you like it?" I asked tentatively.

He turned his eyes to me and he leaned in kissing me. When he pulled away, he said, "I..." and never finished. His eyes darted to the side and his mind was somewhere else.

"What is it?" Jasper stole the words before I could speak them.

I looked over to him, and he was sitting up with concern on his face looking at Alice. She had a distant look in her eyes.

"They're coming," she whispered so low I barely made out what she said.

My mind asked, 'who' but my mouth could only silently move.

"They'll be here any minute," she said. She seemed to be released from whatever trance had held her. Jasper put an arm around her back protectively.

I was lifted to my feet suddenly by Edward, and Jasper and Alice followed suit. We were all standing now spread around the picnic.

Their eyes, heads, and bodies were shifting back and forth on high alert. Whatever was coming was dangerous.

Edward became still suddenly and his face turned into one of terror. He simultaneously pulled me tightly to his side and went closer to Jasper and Alice who closed in the circle. His lips moved quickly and I could hear the low sounds of his voice but I couldn't make out what he was saying.

I saw Jasper grow tenser which made Edward and Alice tenser, too. I didn't think I could get tenser but I somehow managed.

Edward turned around to face the woods surrounding us and the others did the same, each facing a different direction. He maneuvered me behind him and I tried to make myself small. I heard a clicking sound behind me and I turned my head to see Alice on her phone speaking in that hushed, rushed voice I couldn't understand.

I held onto the back of Edward's shirt. Whatever or whoever was coming was going to emerge from the woods.

It was silent for I didn't know how long. My breathing and heartbeat were quickened. Edward reached a hand behind him and I took it. He squeezed it firmly and I knew it was his way of telling me to calm down. But I didn't have much control right now.

Then I saw them.

First I saw a dark figure emerge from the woods to my left in front of where Jasper was facing. He slowly stalked forward, his walk confident. When he drew closer, I could see he had dark skin, long dreadlocks, and red eyes.

He had red eyes. Edward had mentioned that other human blood drinking vampires had red eyes, but I didn't imagine how shocking they would look.

Then I saw another pair of red eyes. I peered from behind Edward's back and saw another man, with pale skin, blonde hair that was tied back, and a wicked smile.

I glanced over to Alice and I was startled by a fiery red mane belonging to a wild-looking female vampire. She shared the other male's wicked grin.

Her red eyes found my gaze and my legs almost gave out. My body shivered uncontrollably. I tensed my body to stop from shaking but that seemed to only make it worse. I inhaled deeply through my nose and tried to relax. That seemed to work better. I had to calm down fast or I was only going to make things worse, I knew. But I also knew without a doubt that these people, no, creatures meant to kill me.

All the warnings Edward tried to hammer into my head made sense now. They were positively terrifying. I could feel their cruel intentions emanating from them and it was making me feel physically ill.

I could see the absolute difference between the sweet, loving Cullens and these deceptively beautiful creatures from hell. I hated when Edward called himself a monster, but I could see now where he had gotten the word, though I didn't know how he could have possibly compared himself to them.

They had us surrounded, though their numbers were even with the Cullens. Edward and Alice and Jasper were backed against a wall, so to speak, with me behind them to protect. No, my vampires were at a disadvantage.

"Greetings," the vampire with the dreads said with an accent. "My name is Laurent. And that's James and Victoria. We happened to be passing by and realized there were others in the area. We found your house," he said, emphasizing the last word. "We saw it was empty but we wanted to make your acquaintance, and luckily, we found your trail. And here you are," he smiled demurely. He was trying to be charming, I could tell.

I was thankful Rosalie and Emmett, and for that matter Carlisle and Esme were not home for some reason. I wasn't sure if these three would be as hostile without a human around, but I just didn't like them and didn't even want them talking to any of the Cullens. It was an odd time to be feeling protective.

Edward turned his head slightly in Laurent's direction but didn't move his body away from James. The three of them were still several yards away, but that distance could easily be covered in an instant.

"I'm Edward, and this is my brother and sister."

He's purposely not saying their names, I thought. He's trying to protect them, too. Selfless to the end. No, not the end. This can't be the end, I chided myself for thinking such a thing.

There was a tense silence. Edward was obviously not going to say any more, though it was expected he would. I hoped Edward wasn't being unnecessarily hostile toward them because of his concern for me. If some sort of amicable agreement could be made, he should make it.

Laurent decided to speak again when he realized Edward was finished talking. "I hope we didn't interrupt anything." He eyed me covetously.

"Like dinner," said a shrill voice. I looked over to the long-haired woman, Victoria. Her smile grew bigger. She looked like the cat that swallowed the canary.

I tried to make myself smaller. I wanted to disappear. Edward shifted his body ever so slightly to cover me more.

"May we join you?" continued Laurent. "Perhaps we can go on a hunt together. I don't think the one girl could feed even the three of you."

His voice sounded so mischievous yet so inviting. I wanted to cover my ears. But I didn't. Whatever was going to happen, I needed to be alert.

"We will not be hunting with you," Edward spoke. "As you've noticed, we have a house. We are not nomads. We ask that you not hunt in this area as this would make our life here difficult. We wouldn't want to cast any suspicions on our kind, would we?" Edward sounded threatening. Even I didn't like his tone; I was sure they wouldn't. I begged him in my mind to not provoke them.

But I saw Laurent was not angered. In fact, he seemed to be letting it go, his expression looking somewhat bored. I glanced over at Victoria whose smile faded into displeased confusion.

And was it my imagination or was she closer to us than before? No, I was sure she was slightly further away a few seconds ago.

I then checked on James, who too was closer. They must be inching closer to us. James no longer had his smile but he was boring his eyes into me. And he was breathing deeply.

I was looking at the red eyes that were staring at me. They were a crimson color. They could not pass for human with those eyes, like the Cullens could with theirs. And his eyes were filled with hate and violence.

I lowered my eyes to the grass in front of him. I had a clear view of his feet when he took a step toward us. This bold move made me look back at his face. His eyes, the rich blood color turned into a darker red.

The next few seconds happened so quickly.

James took another step forward and inhaled deeply. His eyes grew wide. Edward took a crouching position ready to attack and Jasper and Alice almost simultaneously responded in like.

Victoria hissed and was the next to position herself to fight. Laurent and James took their cues next.

James, still looking at me, growled, "What is sh…"

Before he finished speaking, Edward ran in a blur and tackled him.

Victoria bolted into the forest behind her and Alice disappeared from my side after her.

Laurent, too ran in the opposite direction into the forest and Jasper followed.

I heard what sounded like screams or screeches in the distance. And I heard loud cracking noises, like the sound of large rocks during a rock slide off the side of a cliff coming from in front of me.

Edward and James were fighting, or at least that's what I thought was happening. They were moving so fast I couldn't make out what exactly was occurring. They were darting back and forth, a loud crack periodically sounding when the blurs met.

I stepped back trying not to get caught in the fray. I didn't know what to do. Everyone was fighting. I couldn't do anything to help, but I wouldn't get far by running away.

A blur raced by me but the other blur knocked it from my pathway and the noise was so loud I screamed in surprise.

I saw that James had been knocked into the trees and Edward zipped to my side. "You have to get out of here," he looked crazed.

He turned to his side in time to face James who recovered and ran at him. I screamed Edward's name. All I could see was the blur of their movements and the sounds of the hits.

"Run!" I heard him yell.

I turned and ran toward the trees. I was panting and I wasn't sure if I should keep going straight. The undergrowth got thicker. The sounds behind me seemed to cease. I tried looking back but all I could see were more trees.

"Ow," I shouted as a pain shot through my right arm. I looked down and saw a scratch a few inches above my elbow below the sleeve of my t-shirt. I had been scraped by a branch.

I stared as tiny beads of blood formed and grew bigger into a red stripe.

"Shit," I breathed.

I frantically searched my surrounding to make sure no one was around. But I was sure someone would be coming for me soon.

I started running again, slower this time to make sure I didn't run into any more sharp edges. I remembered Edward's handkerchief I had in my pocket and I pulled it out, still jogging.

I slowed to a walk and after looking around again, I examined my arm. It wasn't a deep cut. I think it had stopped bleeding already and it wasn't dripping. I quickly took the handkerchief and wiped the blood. I pressed hard to make sure the bleeding stopped.

I threw the blood-stained handkerchief behind me and ran, trying to get as far away from it.

I didn't get very far.

Something whipped in front of me and I was violently jerked back as my throat hit the something hard.

I made a gagging sound as cold fingers wrapped around my neck and lifted me off the ground, legs flailing.

My hands grasped at the arm and tried to pry the hard-as-stone fingers off my neck.

I saw the beautiful face of the person who was about to choke the life out of me.

It was Jasper.

I tried to scream but I only made garbled choking sounds. I tried to inhale air but I was desperately failing.

"Jasper," I tried to call but it came out as just noise. But I think he understood. His face was in a horrified scowl.

He hadn't killed me yet. Hadn't torn me apart. Hadn't bathed in my blood. Maybe he was conflicted. Maybe he would let me go. Maybe he should make up his mind quickly. I was losing consciousness...

I heard Edward's voice. I heard his scream. He didn't want me to go...

There was a thunderous crack and I was released to fall to the ground gasping for precious air.

I took deep breaths after the coughing stopped. Then I saw the pale hand that was just around my neck on the ground next to me, detached from its owner. I screamed and scuttled away from it.

I looked around and saw Emmett and Edward holding back Jasper several yards away. No, Emmett was standing in between them holding back Jasper _and_ Edward. Edward had just attacked his own brother and cut off his hand and was now struggling to attack me. My eyes trailed down Jasper's right arm, and sure enough it was hand-less.

I thought I was going to vomit. There was no gore to be seen from the hand or arm; I actually was reminded of those ancient statues in museums that were missing arms and feet and heads from being vandalized by invading soldiers. But I think the strangling made my gag reflex weak. I managed not to hurl, merely dry heaving.

Jasper and Edward, less so, were still struggling against their brother, making inhuman sounds.

There was movement from the side and Alice appeared next to her injured lover. She calmly caressed his face and he seemed to calm down. They all seemed to calm down.

I wanted to take the hand to Jasper but sense rightly told me that was a bad idea. They were far away from me for a reason. I looked at my own little injury. The blood had dried. The tears had not.

Guilt overcame me and tears spilled from my eyes. "I'm so sorry," I wept.

I saw the four of them standing, huddled together, away from me, because of me. Their figures became distorted as water collected in my eyes and impaired my vision.

I shut my eyes tight, releasing the tears. I didn't want to see Edward right now. I had ruined everything. I had put his family in danger. I was responsible for him injuring his own brother.

I stood up and turned my back to them. I wiped the dirt from my hands and my backside. I wiped my tears away with the back of my hands.

I started walking away. I heard Edward calling my name.

"I'm okay. Get Jasper home," I said, not turning back. "I'm okay. I'm okay," I kept repeating in a whisper.

When I got only several yards away, Rosalie caught up with me. She startled me with her sudden appearance and her proximity.

I looked at her warily. Was she going to finish me off for her family?

"I'm not going to hurt you," she said offended.

"I didn't say anything," I said. I kept walking.

"Edward wants me to take you home," she said standing in front of me forcing me to stop. She emphasized 'Edward' meaning it was not her idea.

"You shouldn't touch me right now," I said.

She scooped me up and started running in a different direction. I was too tired to protest. And I had been walking the wrong way. I just wanted to get home at this point, even if it meant being carried by Rosalie.

"Is Jasper going to be okay?" I asked reluctantly. I was afraid to know the answer.

"Yes," she responded.

"His hand," I softly cried.

"Carlisle will reattach it. Probably won't even scar."

My eyes widened. "He can do that? And it'll be okay?"

"Didn't Edward explain anything to you?" she said annoyed.

He hadn't explained but I couldn't care less right now. I was just so relieved Jasper wouldn't be permanently injured.

"You cry too much," she chided seeing my tears of relief.

"I know," I laughed.

Rosalie slowed down to a walk and I told her she could let me down. She put me on the ground and walked alongside me. We reached the end of the forest and I could see my apartment building from across the street.

"Thank you," I told her. I started heading home and she followed.

"I would let you go by yourself, but Edward would know," she explained.

I sighed. I understood. So I let her escort me like I was a child to the front door.

I turned to her and asked, "What happened to those other vampires?"

"Edward killed one," she said bluntly. "The others got away."

"Edward killed him?" I felt faint. I leaned on a column and let my body slide down to sit.

"It's not the first time he's killed," said Rosalie. For someone so beautiful, her sympathy was not.

"I know. But it's the first time he's killed because of me." I closed my eyes. "Is something going to happen to him?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Are there going to be consequences for him now?" I opened my eyes to look up at her from my seated position.

"There are always consequences," she said after a pause.

That wasn't what I meant, but she was right.

I couldn't think anymore. I was exhausted. Terror was exhausting. Fear was exhausting. Consequences were exhausting.

I slowly and laboriously rose to my feet. I searched my pockets for my keys. I fished them out and was about to enter the building.

"You don't have to answer me, but you need to think about it," she said. "Do you love him?" I looked at her eyes. They looked sad for the first time since I'd met her. "If you don't or can't, you should let him go. It would be best for everyone."

I felt incredibly sad.

All my time with Edward was beautiful. I knew I would never meet anyone like him again. But there were so many obstacles in our way. Nothing seemed to be easy. He couldn't even touch me without difficulty, I knew.

One of us was stuck, and one of us couldn't stop. What kind of future could that hold?

And today had shown me... I didn't even fully comprehend everything that had happened today. It was just bad. I hadn't processed what went down or what happens tomorrow.

But that wasn't her question.

Did I love him?

"I don't know love," I answered. "What does it look like? Because the only love I saw growing up was my father's love for his dead wife. I never knew my mother but he loved her. Loves her still, I think, too much. He can't even talk about her or look at her pictures. But he thinks about her. And dreams about her; Edward told me that much. He was happy with her. At least that's what I've seen in pictures of them. And now he's broken. An empty shell of a man. He's a ghost, and she haunts him. Is that what love does? Is that what love is?"

"That's love," she said without hesitation. She started walking away.

"Because if it is," I said softly, "I don't know if I want it."

She didn't stop and she didn't turn around, but I was sure she heard me.


	27. Perfect

Notes: Thanks so much for the really nice reviews!

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 27**

**Perfect**

* * *

I was in limbo.

It had been three days since the incident. And I hadn't seen or talked to Edward. He was avoiding me. He didn't call or come over.

And I didn't call him, either. I wanted to give him his space. To let him deal with his family stuff which I knew was not going to be easy. His entire family suffered because of his stupid human girlfriend with the irresistible blood and insatiable curiosity.

And I didn't know what I would say to him, except to apologize a million times. But this was not something that could be forgiven with mere 'sorry's.

I had called Alice though. I called her the next day but she didn't answer. I wasn't surprised and I was sort of glad. I left her a voice message apologizing and hoping Jasper was all right. I told her that I hoped everyone was not mad at Edward for hurting Jasper and putting them all in danger, that I was the one to blame. That they should all blame me.

She didn't call me back.

For three days I didn't know what to do with myself. I had never had so much free time on my hands since summer started. I tried to keep busy and I cleaned the apartment top to bottom. I tried reading but my mind kept wandering to the events of the days before.

I really wanted to go bike riding, but I didn't think it would be wise. Victoria and Laurent were still out there somewhere, and I knew Edward wouldn't approve. I didn't want to put myself in more danger and make Edward more upset with me.

I settled myself in bed with my new iPod. I flicked through the music Edward had put in it. My eyes widened with surprise when I saw 'For Isabella' and I put it on repeat. I hadn't noticed before how sad the ending of the song was. It almost sounded unfinished.

I heard my phone ring and I jumped, scrambling for it. I looked at the screen and saw that it was Edward. My heart skipped a beat and I hesitated for a second before I pressed to answer.

"Edward?" I called to him.

"Bella," he said. I closed my eyes and exhaled in unbelievable relief. I think I had been afraid I would never hear his voice again. It was soul-soothing music to my ears. "Can you meet me outside?"

"Right now?" I asked. I peered outside and sure enough he was standing across the street by the woods where Rosalie had carried me three days ago. "I'll be right out," I said and hung up.

I ran to the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. I inhaled through my teeth when I saw the huge bruise around my neck. An imprint of Jasper's hand was darkly branded around my neck. I tied the light scarf around my neck that I used when Phil was around, though he wasn't the most observant man. Edward, I knew, would see more, but I would have to try and cover it more with my hair.

I grabbed my keys and ran out of the building. I stopped when I walked out the main door. He stood still in the distance, then I saw him walk into the woods slowly. I jogged past the building driveway and crossed the street making sure no cars were passing.

I slowed down when I reached the forest and I spotted him a short distance away. He had his back toward me as he was still walking and I felt a sudden dull pain in my chest.

Something was wrong.

And I realized, something had been wrong for three days. But I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to think about it, so I cleaned and washed and didn't call Edward. Why hadn't I called him? I wish I had called him. I wish I had run to his house and begged him to forgive me.

He stopped walking and slowly turned around. I was many feet away still and I kept walking towards him. His face was a mixture of emotions but forgiveness was not one of them. I wanted to run to him and hug him.

He raised his hand up to gesture to me to stop. I was still a couple yards away.

He didn't speak. I wanted him to tell me everything was okay like he always did. But I knew now he wouldn't. I wanted to run away to keep from hearing what he was really going to say. But I didn't. I couldn't move. It was like not being able to look away from a car wreck. Except I was in the car wreck.

"Is Jasper okay?" I finally asked.

"He's fine," Edward said distractedly.

"Is Alice okay?" I asked.

"She's fine, everyone's fine!" he snapped.

I was taken aback suddenly. I expected him to be upset with me, and we had argued before, but he had never snapped at me like that before. I felt like a child being scolded. But I wasn't a child, was I? I was an adult now, legally, and I had to take responsibility and my punishment.

"What is it?" I asked. I knew I wasn't going to like the answer.

"We're leaving." But I wasn't expecting that.

"How long will you be gone?" I stammered. I think I knew.

He paused and said, "Indefinitely."

"I see," I somehow managed to say. I was quite surprised at how nonchalant I sounded. Because I was reeling inside. I couldn't feel my legs. Was I still standing? Did I still even have legs? I didn't think I had a body.

"Is this it?" I asked, still astoundingly managing to sound carefree. I think knowing the inevitability helped. "You said you would never leave me." I knew I was fighting a losing battle. I was going through the motions, arguing, playing my part. The words didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered. I was numb.

"Things change," he said.

"Everything changes," I said softly. "Except you." You, who would never age, never fade.

"Yes, I'll never change," he said resigned. "I just wanted your blood. I thought it was more. I was mistaken. Someone like me could never fall for someone like you. It's better this way."

The air inside left my body like I had fallen and hit the ground. I didn't want to hear this. How could anything be better after this? It was over.

His expression turned sympathetic suddenly. "Forget about me. See the world," he smiled weakly. His faint smile quickly disappeared. "Get married. Have babies. Raise a family. Grow old. Have grandchildren. Live your life, Bella," he ordered.

"What?" I furrowed my brows. Grandchildren? What the hell was he talking about? How could he talk to me about babies right now? Didn't he know my world was ending? I couldn't even see straight. I shook my head.

"Find love," he said. "Find someone you love. Because you don't love me. And find someone who loves you. Because I don't. I don't love you."

I blinked. I think my eyes moved or my head moved because I wasn't looking at him anymore. My eyes rested on a small piece of bark on the ground. I stared at the broken piece of tree, letting my mind go blank. I stood like that for I didn't know how long. It could have been an eternity. I didn't care.

A bird called out somewhere above us, and I took my eyes off the dark, rough bark and placed them on his pale, beautiful face. And I was brought back to reality. The terrible, painful here and now.

My heart broke. How am I still alive? How am I still breathing and standing? How is my heart still beating when it's broken?

_Oh, Edward_, I thought. _You are too beautiful for this world. You are too pure and too good to be true, I knew. And now you must leave. _

_I'm sorry I caused you so much worry and trouble. I promise I'll try to be good, so you won't have to worry about me. I'll be good so you can leave without guilt_.

_I'm sorry about what I told Rosalie about love. Because I do know love. I don't know what else this could be. I don't know what else could cause so much pain_.

_I love you. I love you, Edward Cullen. And I'm sorry I never said it. But it's too late, and I won't say it now because you need a clean break and you don't love me back. It's because I love you that I want to give you what you want. You can't be tied to someone like me. I won't call out to you or reach for you, though I'm burning inside_.

_I love you and I'm setting you free_.

My body relaxed with my resolution and the tears flowed unrestrained.

His body shifted and I thought he was going to take a step forward. A reaction to my crying, I was sure, to comfort me. A habit of his, a habit he would have to break. And I would help him. I took a step backwards, to show him my resolve.

He seemed startled by my reproach, but it kept him from taking that step forward. Instead, he also took a step back. Then slowly another. And another.

He was leaving me. For good. Soon, he would turn his back to me and I would never see him again. This was it.

"You're perfect now," I called out to him before he could disappear from my life.

"What?" he stopped.

"You're perfect. The one thing that kept you from being perfect... you're free of me now. I wondered how long it would take you," I told him without malice. It was a simple fact. I even smiled at him. One last goodbye.

He turned his back to me. He walked away from me. I couldn't look away as his figure became smaller into the horizon.

I cursed myself as desperation took over.

_Please read my mind_, I begged him in my head. _Please hear me now. Please, don't go. Damn it, please stay. Stay. Stay. Stay_...

He didn't.


	28. Gone

Featured Music: Sleigh Bells - "Riot Rhythm"; Clem Snide - "Your Favorite Music"

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. Songs and lyrics belong to their respective artists. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 28**

**Gone**

* * *

I couldn't get out of bed.

Well, except to get more water and to use the bathroom. But my body felt so heavy and tired I couldn't stay standing for long. I was tied to my bed by an invisible chain.

All I did was sleep and cry. The sobbing loudly I did during the day when Phil was out and the crying silently I did at night when Phil was asleep. The sleeping I explained to him was due to sickness. But it wasn't hard to figure out what was really wrong.

It had been a week since I had been bedridden. Right after Edward left me in the forest by my apartment, I somehow made it back to my bed and never made it out again.

The world was a terrible place now and I didn't want to see it.

Angela and Jessica called me a couple days after, because of course the whole town knew the Cullens had left suddenly. I didn't want to talk to anybody about them but I didn't want Angela and Jess to worry so I picked up, receiving their sympathies and declining their invitations to meet.

Luckily, Jessica mentioned first that the Cullens supposedly left for New York, Carlisle having accepted a new position in a hospital there, so I didn't have to pretend to know because I really had no idea where they had gone or said to have gone. I doubted it really was New York, as I don't think Edward would want to leave a trail I could follow.

But it was when they called that I realized they really were gone. I wished I hadn't answered their calls. I could have kept the hope alive that maybe it was a nightmare or a terrible joke, or that they would change their minds.

I holed myself at home, trying to ignore the world but the world kept turning.

I was devastated. Something so bad happened, I felt like the world had stopped. The world should have stopped – my life had. Why hadn't it stopped? How can there be so much pain in it and keep going, seemingly oblivious? People went about their lives, not knowing what really went on, what was really out there. The sun shined and they were happy. And in love.

Love sucked. I hated love.

And now I was a mess.

I smelled food and my stomach growled. Phil was cooking breakfast. I felt hungry and guilty. Guilty because I should cook for him, but I had been incapacitated for over a week. I just couldn't bother.

I decided I would get up to find something to eat after he left. I didn't have much taste for food but I needed something in my body to keep me alive.

When I heard the door close, I struggled to sit up and I saw a plate on the wooden coffee table. I crawled over to it and saw that the plate had scrambled eggs and overly toasted bread. Phil had cooked and left me food.

Feelings of guilt and gratitude filled me. Tears welled in my eyes. I picked up the fork on the side and dug in as I cried over my tough eggs.

I knew Edward didn't care for me the way I wanted him to, but I decided I would remember him the way he was, not the way he left me. I would have to move on. I would have to, as he said, live my life.

When I finished the overcooked breakfast, I did the dishes. Then I took a long, scalding hot shower. It had been days since I'd washed and it felt almost cathartic. I wanted to scrub away my sins and my skin and start anew.

I came out of the steamy bathroom and I took my time getting dressed. It was still pretty early in the day and the prospect of staying awake after being depressingly narcoleptic seemed daunting. I fought the urge to fall back into bed.

I decided I would face the world today. I reached for my new iPod, and I stopped myself. It was a reminder of someone I wasn't anymore, someone I used to be. I instead found my old iPod, grabbed my other things, and stepped outside the building to ride my long neglected bike.

It felt wonderful. I almost felt myself again. The self I was pre-Edward.

I pedaled slowly, and found myself in town. I hadn't intended to ride to anywhere in particular, but I unconsciously guided myself to the stores I was used to seeing. I parked and locked my bike and went into the bookstore.

I walked around absentmindedly perusing the book titles and nothing stood out to me. Then I saw a 'help wanted' sign and decided a job was the greatest idea. I'd worked my fair share of jobs moving around and it was just what I needed to keep my body and mind busy.

I talked to the owner and filled out an application. She said the position might require some nighttime hours and I told her I would be available pretty much whenever she needed, which couldn't be truer now.

When I left the bookstore, I walked around to see if there was anywhere else I could apply. I didn't see hiring signs but I went to the thrift store, a clothes store, and the ice cream parlor.

After I finished going into the stores, I walked back to my chained bike and freed it.

I rode around town, then I followed the main road till it led me out of it. I didn't know where I was going but I looked forward to being lost. I was lost inside, I might as well get lost outside.

I was listening to Sleigh Bells' "Riot Rhythm" hoping it would pump me up. It was amazing how difficult it was to find a song that wasn't about falling in love, being in love, or losing love.

I rode and I rode, I pedaled and I pedaled, until I couldn't anymore.

I had been out of commission for days and my muscles felt atrophied. I was going to have to do this more often, I thought to myself.

After a rest on the side of the road, I decided to head back home. It was starting to get dark and I wasn't quite sure where I was. I had succeeded in getting lost and now I had to find my way back home.

It took me some wrong turns, backtracking, and finally asking for directions to make my way home. But it did the trick, because I was exhausted. I managed to stay standing on my aching legs just long enough to wash up and then I fell into bed with my iPod.

I gave up trying to find songs that didn't remind me of what I'd lost. No, that would be impossible.

Clem Snide's "Your Favorite Music" played and I listened to the lyrics.

_Your favorite music__, w__ell it just makes you sad__  
__But you like it, 'cause you feel special that way__  
__You feel special, that you're like no one else__  
__But then you're lonely, and you need someone to help__  
__And I can't teach you, to learn to love yourself__  
__But here's a sad song, that I wrote for no one else__  
_

I curled up into a fetal position, wrapping my arms around myself to keep me together, closing my teary eyes, and drifting off to sleep.

I would need my rest to face another day.


	29. Trespass

Notes: Been a bit busy and will be for a little while so next few chapters might be slow in coming. I'll try my best. Thanks as always for reading/reviews.

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 29**

**Trespass**

* * *

I woke up the next day sore but feeling rested. I didn't feel the disgusting sluggishness that had been my constant companion the past week.

I went to wash up realizing Phil was out already and I had slept in a bit, but I was proud to be out of bed. When I changed my clothes, I caught sight of my two iPods, my old iPod nano and my new iPod Touch I received from Esme and Carlisle. The new player contained music handpicked by Edward.

It hit me like a ton of bricks on my chest. I didn't want to even look at it, let alone listen to the songs on there. It was ridiculous to think putting away a token reminder of him would keep my mind from wandering onto painful territory, but I grabbed the new player and I searched in my closet for the plastic bin I used for out of season clothes.

I dumped the clothes in it out frantically and I dragged it to the living room. I put in the laptop and the iPod and all the accessories that came with it. I put in the camera Jasper got me and I dragged it back to the closet to find the dress Alice bought me. I found all the presents I had received for my birthday and put them in the bin. It wasn't going to stop me from thinking about them, but I wouldn't have reminders around.

Then I thought of my cell phone and my bed. Those were going to be problematic. I had given the cell phone number to the jobs I had applied to and I had to wait to hear from them. And I adored my bed, and I wasn't looking forward to going back to the cramped sofa. I had been too spoiled.

I decided to slowly ween myself off of those two items later. I closed the lid on the bin and I left it in the back of the closet.

I was again left alone with my thoughts so I decided to go bike riding again. I was still sore, but I didn't care. I wanted to exert myself to the point of passing out in bed again.

I left the house desirous to lose myself again.

I wasn't paying attention to where I was going but I ended off the asphalt road and onto pebbly trail. It became harder to pedal my bike and the road became rougher and I was tired and sore already, leftovers from yesterday. I slid off my bike and walked it, admiring the scenic view.

The place was unfamiliar to me, though I was sure I wasn't too far away from where I started.

I spotted some small homes when I heard yelling.

"Hey! Hey!" I heard angry shouts. "What are you doing here?"

I looked to see where the yelling was coming from and I saw three tall, dark figures running quickly towards me.

My natural reaction was to look around to see if there was anyone else around who they could be talking to or if they really were shouting at me. It seemed I was the lucky one as there was no one else behind me.

The three men reached me quickly with their long strides and angry stares and I was just as quickly intimidated.

"What are you doing here?" one of them barked at me.

I stood open-mouthed, not knowing how to answer.

"This is private property," another one said less hostilely.

I shook my head, still open-mouthed and unable to speak. "I'm sorry," I finally managed to utter. "I didn't know."

There was a dog barking in the distance.

"You didn't know? What, you don't know how to read?" the first one said to me agitated.

"Read?" I questioned dumbly.

"Yeah, the huge sign you ignored," he answered angrily.

I turned my head back from where I came from. It was very possible I had missed even a big sign the way I had been lately.

The barking dog sounded closer. That's when I saw the dog running toward us.

"Sorry," I apologized again and tried to back up to leave before the dog reached me. But the one who did most of the talking sidestepped to block my exit.

"Why did you come here?" he continued to question me.

"Why?" I questioned back. I didn't understand. "I was just walking," I started to say.

"Walking? Or riding?" he interrogated.

"Riding, then walking," I answered, my brows furrowed. I didn't think I needed to answer all their questions, but I answered them just the same.

"Let her go," the tallest one told my interrogator.

"Her story doesn't make sense," he spit out, not taking his eyes off me.

The dog reached us and I was afraid it might want to attack me as well. It came up to me, sniffing, then it turned around and barked at the men. It seemed to be on my side for some reason.

"What's wrong with him?" asked the one who was quiet till now.

"Quiet!" yelled the angry one.

The dog barked at him specifically and wouldn't let up. He backed up, though he kept a snarl on his face.

"I'll just leave," I yelled over the dog's barking. "It was my mistake."

The dog had cleared a path for me and I maneuvered my bike to leave. I saw another man running towards us. I wanted to leave before the whole population descended on me.

"Your dog's gone crazy!" yelled the quiet one to the new man as he was nearly caught up in our growing crowd. The angry one was apparently involved in a snarling contest with the dog.

The new man reached us, taking his place next to the tall one. He was slightly taller than the tallest one. His skin was tanned and very muscular, a trait I noticed because he was wearing shorts and nothing else, not even shoes. And he had a smile.

Odd, I thought, given the situation. Or maybe I was the only one who thought so. I looked at the angry guy and the dog. No, I wasn't the only one.

"Sit, Wolfie," the new guy commanded the dog. The dog immediately stopped its standoff and sat carefree. The man stepped closer and kneeled by the dog petting it roughly on the head. Wolfie wagged his tail happily.

He lifted his head up and looked at me. "Hi, Bella," he said softly to me with a friendly smile.

My eyes widened. He knew my name. My eyes then squinted on his face, trying to recollect if I knew him. He stood, and my eyes followed their focus till my neck was straining along with my eyesight.

"You know her?" one of the other boys asked with the surprise the rest of us must have felt. I turned to catch glimpses of the three others. Yup, surprised.

"She doesn't seem to know you," the quiet one said chuckling. I was beginning to think the quiet one wasn't really actually quiet.

"He is kind of forgettable," retorted the angry one, who seemed to be loosening up.

"Guess you didn't make an impression," the tall one added with a smirk.

"Nah, I made an impression, just maybe not a good one," the man who knew me answered still smiling at me. "You might not remember my face," he said to me conspiratorially. "I kind of gave you an eyeful, so to speak."

I scrunched my face in rebuke. What did _that_ mean?

"Bella," the not so quiet one said to himself as if trying to remember himself. Then his face opened like a light bulb went off. "Of course! This is that girl," he exclaimed to the others. "The one he always thinks about." The other two smiled in realization.

My old "acquaintance" cleared his throat loudly to drown out his friend's apparent betrayal. His face seemed to get a little more color from embarrassment.

I was still in confusion. He knew me well enough to think of me often. How could I not know someone I must come into contact with often.

"Man, she doesn't even remember you," said the angry one.

That made me annoyed. I was trying desperately to recall, after assuming this isn't some sort of weird joke on me. The dog barked at him a couple more times and I was thankful.

"Maybe you should take your pants off. Give her something she can recognize," joked the not so quiet one. The other two laughed and smiled.

I gasped in disgust and backed away from them. This was turning into something I had not expected. To be fair, none of this up until now was normal, but it just turned very ugly.

"You're scaring her," my stalker chided his friends. "Don't worry about them," he tried to gently assuage me. "Their barks are worse than their bites." I was not having it.

I heard "Yeah, rights" and laughing from the others.

"You probably didn't give her much to look at, even with your pants off," laughed the angry one. The other two joined in the laughter.

Even my acquaintance smirked and remarked back, "You wish you were as big as me."

I had had enough. I tried to sneak away while they were measuring each other up, so to speak.

Why would they think I had seen him naked? I had never even seen a live naked man before... except... that one time...

I looked down at the dog that was trying to follow me. It looked different now, cleaner, less lean, looked after, but it was the same dog from that day. That day I bought a naked man pants.

"Jacob," I recalled to myself.

"Hey, she remembers!" rejoiced the not so quiet one lifting his hands up shoulder height.

Supposed Jacob closed the gap I had managed to sneak between us. He smiled at me.

Yes, it was him. His long, messy hair from that day was gone, replaced by a short, messy do. He looked less wild, but he still had the open boyish handsomeness. How could I have forgotten his face? He had a warmth about him today that wasn't present that early spring day.

"Jacob Black," I said more confidently. I even remembered his last name. My memory wasn't totally shot.

"You do remember," he said.

"Well, it's not every day I see a naked man," I joked.

"I would hope not," he replied.

After a brief moment of silence, I said, "I see you've taken good care of the dog. Wolfie, is it?"

"Yeah," he said, leaning down to pat it on its back. "He's quite a good dog. Smart. Remembers you," he said nodding his head at me once.

"Yeah," I agreed wholeheartedly. "Smarter than me in that respect. Probably in other respects, too." The dog did remember me and came to my side, my protection really against my persecutors.

Jacob smiled big.

"I'm really sorry," I added. "Your hair threw me off," I lamely babbled an excuse.

"It's all right," he tried to assure me. "You didn't really even look at me, so..."

"No, it's not okay," I kept apologizing. "I did look at you. I mean, after you put on pants, so I have no excuse. I'm just, I mean, I'm not myself lately. I've been distracted," I said, my voice trailing off. I immediately regretted letting out what I thought was too much information. I quickly added, "I mean, I didn't even see the sign here. I'm trespassing. I should go."

I tried to make my way back out for what seemed like the tenth time already.

"No!" came an emphatic dissent. I stopped in my tracks. Jacob released the sudden tension from his body and rubbed the back of his neck with a hand. "I mean, you're not trespassing. You're my guest. You just got here."

"Yes, Bella, stay," added the tall man from the back where he stood with the others. He nudged the angry one with an elbow. He turned his head to look at the tall one accusingly.

But the not so quiet one took the cue, instead. "Yeah, we're sorry we frightened you. We're just cautious of strangers on our land."

"Yeah, sorry" the angry one added begrudgingly.

"See, even Paul wants you to stay, and he hates everybody," Jacob said.

The angry one had a name. "Paul seems thrilled," I sarcastically said.

"Don't mind them. I live right over there," Jacob said pointing to a nearby small house. "Why don't you stop by and rest a bit?"

"I don't know," I said hesitantly. While he wasn't a complete stranger, I had only met him, if you could even call it a meeting, once before and I wasn't in the habit of walking into anyone's home.

"Jake's a good guy," said not so quiet guy, "not like Paul."

Paul didn't take so kindly to his joke and he playfully yet roughly jumped him.

Jacob laughed at them and looked at me sweetly trying to persuade me. I smiled back politely. I was usually a guarded and skeptical person but somehow Jacob did exude a sense of goodness.

"Maybe for a little bit," I relented. Jacob smiled a big toothy grin.

"Great. Here let me," he offered as he put his hands toward the handlebars of my bike. One of his hands grazed mine and I, startled at someone's touch, pulled my hand away quickly. They all noticed, but Jacob was the only one to act as if it didn't happen, though it should have affected him the most as it was his touch that made me react.

He was the first person to touch me since the incident that had changed my life. And that last touch had hurt me in more ways than one, the worst of which was not the way that left still faintly visible marks on my neck.

Another thing that sprang to mind was how warm he was. Perhaps I had become so used to the coldness of _them_ I had forgotten how warm people actually were.

He walked my bike a few feet with me walking on the other side of the bike when we reached the three guys.

"Paul, I mentioned. And that's Sam," Jacob said indicating to the tall one, "and Jared." Jared, the joker, lifted his fingers in a bashful wave.

I lifted my hand up by the elbow and waved at my accusers-turned-acquaintances.

Then Jacob kept walking, past them, and I followed. The dog happily trotted ahead.

As we were walking, I overheard someone say, "She looks different than I expected. She looks unwell," behind us.

Then someone else, I think maybe Jared, said, "Maybe she's been sick."

I tried to pretend I didn't hear them because I was sure Jacob had, and I didn't want to embarrass anyone anymore.

I kept my head down and tried to hide my blushing as we continued walking.

We reached the small house and he boosted my bike up the porch steps and leaned it against the outside wall of the house. I followed him up and he opened the door and allowed me passage. Wolfie was lying on the porch. He turned his head toward the open door but Jacob seemed to gesture for him to stay and he did. I stepped into the small wooden cottage.

"Do you live here by yourself?" I asked.

"Yes," he answered behind me. "Do you want water or anything?" He walked past me.

"Water would be good. Thanks." In my hurry to get away from home, I forgot my water bottle.

Jacob stepped to the small kitchen area to get me my drink. I walked past the kitchen area and into the living area. There was a couch and a couple chairs and a small wooden coffee table. There was a small fireplace and a pile of cut firewood.

It felt like the home of a bachelor.

Jacob returned with a glass of ice water and I accepted gulping it down greedily. I was thirstier than I thought.

"I live here by myself, but my dad lives right there," he said pointing out the window to another small house not too far away. "It's good 'cause I'm over there a lot to check in on him, though don't let him know I said that."

"I won't," I smiled politely. I sat down on the couch and I put the empty glass on the wood table.

He sat down on the other end of the sofa. It squeaked as it yielded to his weight.

There was an awkward pause so I joked, "Are you always so under-dressed? Maybe I should've bought you more clothes that day."

He laughed. "Does this make you uncomfortable?" he said looking down at his bare chest. My eyes wandered down to his 6, no, 8-pack abs and I averted my eyes away quickly. "I can put a shirt on if you'd like."

"No, no," I stammered, "I was just kidding. It's your house, you can do whatever you want."

He smiled as he stood up and walked back toward the hallway. "It's all right. I just forget my manners sometimes. I don't get many guests." He disappeared into what I assumed was his room. "You'll have to excuse me. I have kind of a high body temperature so I'm usually too hot to wear a shirt," he shouted from the other room.

So I hadn't imagined his warmer than normal touch.

I heard the sounds of drawers being pulled and shut and then silence. I waited for him to reappear but when he didn't, I rose from my seat and started walking to where he had gone. I saw that the door was not completely shut and I tried to peer through the sliver of an opening.

That's when the door flew open and he popped up in front of me making me jump slightly.

"Too hot to wear a shirt," I quoted him back. He was standing extremely close to me and I could indeed feel his body heat though I wasn't quite touching him.

I raised my eyes and head till I was staring at his lowered head. He smirked. I took a step back, not removing my gaze. He took a step forward, closing the gap I had just made. I slowly backed away another step and he quickly followed again. I was about to take another step back when my leaning body hit the wall.

I saw he was about to move yet closer and I sidestepped out of his path.

"Bathroom?" I nervously said trying to diffuse the situation.

He turned his head to the side and I awkwardly pointed to the door next to his room practically in front of me and I charged it. I shut and locked the door behind me.

I washed my hands and I looked at myself in the mirror and gave myself a little shock.

I looked not only terrible, but terrifying. I looked like I hadn't looked at myself in days, which I guess was true. My face was puffy from all the crying, especially my eyes. And my hair looked crazy, like it was its own entity and should be locked up in an asylum somewhere where no one could look at it. Truth be told, I hadn't brushed it in days and I had been riding and sweating. I checked my wrists for a hair tie just to be sure though I didn't remember leaving one on. I tried my best to pat and stroke it down to a more reasonable state.

Worse, Jacob had just been staring at me, though he didn't seem scared. Jacob didn't look like he would be scared of much, though. I remembered his tall, muscular frame and how he had stood towering so close to me. His proximity had made me uneasy, but in a way I wasn't sure about yet. But if I understood anything about guys and people in general, his behavior toward me did not denote dislike. If anything, he seemed to be coming onto me.

I couldn't understand why, especially the way I was looking today. I could, however, understand Sam, Jared, and Paul's initial reaction to this wild-looking wind-whipped rat's nest haired crazy woman who couldn't apparently read 'no trespassing' signs. On top of that, today was what I assumed was just my second meeting with Jacob. And the first time, he was completely naked. I, personally, would not develop a crush on someone who caught me naked. Though, Jacob did not seem embarrassed at all that day, but I guess he had nothing to be ashamed of, to be fair.

I took a deep breath and I took one last look at myself. Looking any longer wasn't going to make me any more agreeable. I opened the door and stepped out. I didn't see Jacob in the hallway where I had left him so I made my way toward the living room area. He was sitting on a chair worry-free as could be. He smiled and stood up when he saw me.

I felt a tiny stirring inside me.

"I should get going," I said.

"Already?" he asked clearly looking disappointed. "You just got here."

"I know," I replied awkwardly. There was a pause like I should say something more but I didn't want to make lame excuses and lie to someone who seemed so sweet.

"Okay," he said after the glaring silence. "Well, will you come by again? Or I could pick you up or meet you somewhere. I promise I'll cover up," he joked.

I smiled. He really did seem so sweet, a contrast to his hulking physique. "Maybe," I brushed off.

His smile dwindled. "You could give me your number before you run off and disappear again."

"Again?" I asked. "As I recall, you're the one who literally ran off and disappeared."

He walked closer to me. "Well, you found me."

I gulped at his nearness again. I felt his warmth. I didn't back away this time.

"So..." he said softly.

"So..." I repeated.

"Your number?" he reminded me.

"Oh," I snapped to reality. "Right, about that," I drew out.

"You don't want to give me your number, Bella?" he gazed into my eyes. They were deep and dark.

"I, uh, I don't know if I should," I stammered. He smiled slowly. This threw me off for a second, but then I blurted out, "Why don't you give me yours?" I blushed at how bold I just sounded. "I'm going to change phones and I might get a new number. Just to be safe, I shouldn't give out my number." Anymore, I added in my head. I had already given it to the places I'd applied to for jobs so I shouldn't forget anymore.

"Okay," he said. He walked to the kitchen and returned a few seconds holding up a piece of paper. He handed it to me and I saw that it said "Jake" on it with his digits. "Don't lose that."

I nodded and slipped it into my pocket. I turned around to head to the front door. I stepped out of the house and Wolfie stood up to greet us tail wagging. I crouched to pet him.

Jacob stepped past us to my bike and lowered it off the stoop for me. I stood up and walked over to him.

"I can give you and the bike a ride home if you'd like," he said tilting his head toward an old, red pickup truck.

"Nice car," I complimented, "but I like riding."

I thanked him and then declined his offer to walk me off what I learned was the Quileute reservation, La Push. I hopped on and pedaled away, turning back to wave. Wolfie ran alongside for a bit barking before he turned around to return to his adopted owner. As I was exiting private territory, I indeed noticed a big sign warning off trespassers. I shook my head at my incompetency and absentmindedness.

I took the long way home, stopping at the market for some groceries.

Right when I got inside the apartment, I received a phone call from the bookshop. The owner let me know that she had filled the position and that she would let me know if anything else turned up. I thanked her and hung up.

I was disappointed for sure and I put away the groceries. I started to put together a dinner for Phil and me, when I pulled out my phone again.

I called Angela and asked if she was free for lunch the next day. She agreed to my last minute plans and she asked if I wanted her to invite the others. I thought about it for a second and said that that would be nice.

I hung up and finished prepping dinner.

Phil returned home early tonight and seemed surprised I had made dinner. We sat on the couch and ate watching television. I felt normal again for the hour we sat together not talking, like we did often before. I felt normal, but not happy.

When I was preparing for bed and putting away my clothes, I checked the pockets like I usually did and found Jake's phone number. I sighed and put the piece of paper away in my book bag.

As I lay in bed that night, I thought of how I had run into Jacob of all people today. I thought of how he had stood so close to me and how I had reacted.

I was alone now, painfully unattached. I was free to see or date anyone I wanted now. Except, I didn't want anyone. I wanted someone impossible.

No, I scolded myself. I had to be strong. I had to move on. I didn't think I could move on so quickly, but I had a hole inside me.

It was like a star was born inside me, a star so bright and hot. And the brightest and hottest stars burn the quickest and it had died into a black hole sucking the life out of me. I should try to plug in the hole or patch it up the best I could for now, but I was afraid a black hole could not be blocked up. It would only suck in everything around it into nothingness.

What a depressing thought. I would just wait until I disappeared into the blackness of nothing.

In the meantime, I should at least try to protect my friends and those around me from my misery. I thought twice about the plans I made with Angela for tomorrow. It would be a good test, to see if I could resume my dull life and at least act like I cared.

I repeatedly ordered myself to be cool, be optimistic, be open, till I fell asleep. It was the first night in weeks I didn't cry myself to sleep.


	30. Try, Try Again

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 30**

**Try, Try Again**

* * *

When I reached town early, I went to the stores I had inquired about work to check up on their hiring status. A few of them had hired someone else, a couple of them still weren't hiring at all, and another couple hadn't gotten around to it.

I walked to the diner feeling a bit deflated. I told myself I would check the next towns over when I had the chance which cheered me up. I had usually found work without much problem before in other towns where I lived.

I was a few minutes late to our said meeting time, so when I got there the others were already seated.

Angela stood up to greet and hug me and I sat next to her in the booth. Eric and Mike were seated across from us and I waved to them happily. It had felt like forever since I had seen them. I was glad I was so happy to see them; I wouldn't have to pretend so hard that I was doing well.

They seemed to perk up as a group when they saw that I was so cheery. I could only imagine their collective worries about me and my sudden breakup. I would have probably felt awkward and unsure of how to act if I was in their position. And considering I never had close friends before, I really wouldn't even know where to start. I realized they must think I'm a terrible friend. I tried to seem even more okay to make up for it.

"Hi, guys. It's been forever," I said.

"Yeah, how have you been?" Angela asked with genuine care.

"I'm doing well," I answered. They all looked at me sympathetically. I smiled at the inevitability. "Really. I'm doing better now. So what's everyone ordering?" I picked up the menu to peruse it.

Either I sounded convincing enough or they were relieved for the change in topic. I was going to guess the latter, but either way, the topic changed to food.

I wasn't in the mood for anything in particular and nothing stood out to me on the menu, so I just ordered pancakes.

When everyone had ordered, I asked, "So where's Jessica?"

"She wanted to see you but she already had plans. She's been busy lately," said Angela shyly. "She has a new boyfriend."

"Really?" I inquired curiously. I snuck a peek at Mike who didn't seem bothered. "Who?"

Angela said Jess had met a boy named Matthew at a party a few towns away and now they were inseparable. I smiled as Angela told me because I was happy for her because I knew what that felt like. I had felt it for a while until very recently.

"That's great," I told her. Then I asked about Tyler and Lauren, and I was informed that they were on yet another off period of their on-and-off relationship. I also knew what that felt like, but I doubted those two were in their beds crying, though what did I know?

Our food arrived and I asked Angela what she'd been up to and she informed me that she just got a job at the bookstore and that she was going to start the next day.

So I had lost the job to Angela. I was actually glad that if I had lost the job to anyone, it would be to her.

"That's great. I'll come visit. I've been looking for a job, too," I said. "But there doesn't seem to be one around here. I'm going to start looking in the surrounding towns."

Angela and Eric nodded.

"You didn't apply to my store," said Mike. We all looked at him. "I mean, my parents' store. The camping store."

He seemed awkward and unsure so I asked if he was sure.

"Yeah," he said.

"I didn't know your parents were looking for help," Eric added.

"Well, they were thinking about it because I wasn't sure how many hours I could work," Mike said, and then looked at me.

"Uh, yeah. I mean, if it's really okay, that'd be great if I could apply," I told him. "I have references I can give you or your parents."

"That won't be necessary," he said. "Do you know anything about camping gear, though?"

"No," I admitted, "but I've had a lot of different jobs and I'm a fast learner and a hard worker. And I'm pretty much free to work whenever they need." I laughed awkwardly at my own joke.

"I'll ask my parents and let you know," he said, not reacting to my poor humor.

I thanked him.

"That'd be cool if you two worked together, huh?" said Eric.

We both smiled and nodded.

We all continued to talk about other things and finish our meals. I didn't quite clear my plate. I was a bit too busy catching up with everyone. And I had a new excitement for the prospect of a job. I knew the work with Mike was not a guaranteed thing but it gave me hope that I would find something, whether it be at the camping store or somewhere else. I guess seeing friends has that effect.

After we separated, I went for another long bike ride. I crossed over to the next towns, this time taking care to observe my surroundings so that I could take note of places I want to apply to. I wasn't going to start today, not until I heard back from Mike with a negative for sure, but I made mental notes of where I would inquire.

I was still out on my little journey when my cell phone rang. I pulled over on the side of the road and picked up the call from Mike. I thought he was going to ask me more about my qualifications, but he told me his parents agreed to hire me and asked if I could come by first thing in the morning tomorrow.

"Yes, that would be great. Thank you so much, Mike, really," I gushed.

We hung up after he gave me a couple more details and I was on a high. That was the easiest way I had gotten a job. There really was something to this networking thing. I had a fleeting wish I had kept in better touch with all the people I had met.

I biked around for a little longer but went home not too long after. I didn't want to tire myself out before my first day.

I got home early and made dinner. I ate alone and left a big portion for Phil. I was too nervous to eat too much anyway.

I was definitely not a morning person, but I could force my internal clock to get used to an early schedule. I got ready for bed and tried to sleep. I tossed and turned for a bit but eventually fell asleep.


	31. Distractions

_Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. I merely play with the characters for entertainment. No copyright infringement intended._

* * *

**Chapter 31**

**Distractions**

* * *

I had worked at Newton's for a couple of weeks now and it had gone well. Mike spent a lot of time training me and informing me about camping gear. I learned a lot, but for the most part I worked the register because I had previous experience with it and I was good at handling the money.

It was Mrs. Newton, Mike's mom or Molly as she insisted I call her, who was at the store more often than his dad, and it was her I saw almost daily on my shifts. She was a wonderful boss, kind and patient, and she seemed to like me so that worked out well for me.

I also saw Mike a lot, though Molly tried not to schedule us together as much as possible saying it defeated the purpose of hiring another person if she didn't spread out the available times and clumped our shifts together.

Mike seemed to spend extra time at the store, according to Molly, when I was around. I assumed it was to keep an eye on me as it was on his recommendation that they hire me and he didn't want me to let them down. I certainly didn't want that, and I always tried my best but I was more anxious when he was around, afraid to make mistakes in front of him.

It had gotten less so as time went by, though. He seemed to loosen up and joke around more, and in turn, I was more relaxed around him.

Sometimes during my lunch breaks I would go see Angela at the bookstore. If we had the same break times, depending on the day, we would eat together.

Mike and I almost never had our lunch breaks at the same time, so sometimes he would go see Angela, too, or as he started to lately he would eat his lunch behind the counter near me at the register, much to his mother's chagrin.

I worked long shifts that I requested and it really helped me not think about certain things. Most days I was exhausted and went almost straight to bed. If I had some time, I would ride my bike or go for a run, anything to tire me out.

I was tired, but content.

I even convinced Phil to let me take him out for dinner a couple times. We didn't really talk to each other much which made dinners out a bit awkward and mostly silent except for the sounds of eating and the other patrons. I think he preferred our dinners in, in front of the television when conversing was not required. But I still tried now and then, and he never refused my invites.

I was finding rhythm, routine in my life, which was what I needed to give me something steady to hold onto. For the first time in a while, I didn't feel like I was going to fall apart, to fade away.

And then Jacob came into the store.

I heard the door open and my eyes shifted in its direction like it usually did, and there he was in all his height.

"Hi, stranger," he said with a smirk and reproving tone.

I bit my lower lip with guilt. "Do I know you?" I asked, resorting to humor.

Jacob's hands clutched at an invisible pain in his chest and staggered like he had been hit. "So that's how it is? After you see me naked and ask for my number, you toss me aside?"

Mike choked on his sandwich where he was sitting a few feet beside me. I blushed.

"Is this how you treat all your admirers?" continued Jake unfazed by someone else within earshot.

Mike took a sip of his drink then added, "I think so," insinuating himself into our conversation. He got up and walked toward me then turned to Jacob and extended his hand. "Hi, I'm Mike," he introduced himself.

Jacob accepted Mike's hand above the counter and shook it saying his own name. I looked at their connected shaking hands and then darted my eyes between their two faces as they stared each other down and didn't let go for what seemed like minutes.

I cleared my throat to clear the tension. Neither seemed to be the one to break first.

Finally, they let go and I saw Mike ball his fingers and stretch them out again.

"Got quite a grip there," Mike said to Jake.

"You, too," offered Jake with a mischievous half-smile.

"So, you a friend of Bella's?" questioned Mike.

"I hope so. But I guess you'd have to ask her," he answered, and they both turned to me.

"Yes," I said a bit exasperated with myself. "I'm sorry, Jake. I just started working here so I've been busy. But I didn't forget about you."

"I have to say, knowing you hasn't been so great for my ego," he smiled bashfully.

I rolled my eyes and nodded my head in acquiescence. "Is this your plan? To guilt me into hanging out with you?"

"Is it working?" he asked.

I pursed my lips to the side and my eyes moved up searching for an answer. "I don't know," I said to him. I couldn't help smiling.

"How about if I asked you out on a date?"

My eyes widened at such a bold request and my smile faded. I looked at Mike who was clearly able to hear us and saw a surprised look on him as well. I turned red in embarrassment.

After a pause of not knowing what to think, I stuttered, "I, I don't know."

"I'm not leaving without a real answer," he smiled. His face was so friendly and open that I couldn't be cross with him even if I wanted to.

"Bella, can I talk to you for a second?" Mike called.

"Yeah, sure," I answered and walked to the other side of the counter with him.

Mike lowered his head and lowered his voice. "Do you want me to get rid of him?"

"No," I shook my head and gave him a reassuring smile. "I'll take care of it. I'm sorry, Mike."

"Don't worry about it," he said and gave me a pat on the arm. "Just let me know if you need my help."

I nodded and watched as he went out on the floor to attend to a customer.

I walked back over to where Jacob was still waiting and leaned over the counter. I hissed, "You're going to get me fired!"

"Then you'll have more time to spend with me," he whispered back.

"Or more time to ignore you."

"So you're saying you were ignoring me before?" he said, still in a low voice.

"No, but if you make me lose my job I will." I gave him an accusing look.

He leaned in yet closer and I heard a rustling sound. I glanced down toward the sound and saw his arm behind the counter. He pulled it up holding an individually wrapped nutrition bar.

I took the bar and scanned it. He gave me a couple dollars and I handed him his change.

"Now, I'm a customer. You can't get fired for talking to a customer," he said.

I smiled a little at him. I took a deep breath. "Thank you for that. But I don't think I should date a customer."

His mouth opened a bit in shock but quickly formed into a grin. "Well played, Bella. But I don't give up that easily. I have my answer for today, but I'll be back tomorrow." He took his protein bar, brought it to his head and saluted me with it with a grand smile on his face and left.

I was left awestruck by his audacity and optimistic perseverance. I didn't know him well enough at all, but I had a feeling he would indeed be back tomorrow. But I was saddened it was being wasted on me.

The customer Mike was helping came to the counter with some items. I rang him up and he left. Mike came up back behind the counter next to me as there was no one else in the store for the moment.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said reassuringly. "You don't have to worry about me, really. I can take care of myself."

"I'm sure you can," he said. I thought he was going to say more but he let it go.

I sighed. I had a feeling my life was going to get a little more complicated again.

Against my wishes.


End file.
